I need some advice. I met a woman on one of those dating websites. We conversed for a few days on there before exchanging numbers. Things moved fast (a little too fast, honestly) and soon she came to visit me and she ended up spending the night at my place. After that we had a sort of unspoken official relationship. Last week we actually started calling each other girlfriend. She came and spent a few days with me and then went back home (she lives in other city). This week she started acting really needy and clingy. She's always texting me and wanting me to call her. She gets upset if I can't talk to her right away because I'm busy at work or at school. I have children and she doesn't seem to understand that their needs come before hers. If I tell her that I'll text her later, she texts me anyway and then gets upset when I don't answer back right away or if I miss her phone call. Yesterday I told her that she was being a little too needy and she got upset. She's my first girlfriend and she tried to tell me that ALL lesbians are needy and move into relationships fast. I think she was trying to justify her actions. She then tells me she has abandonment issues and needs to be told shes wanted and needed or she gets self conscious. Basically, I just want to take a step back but I don't want to hurt her. I think the relationship moved way too fast. We've been intimate and she's getting feelings for me, but I don't think I'm on the same page. She is looking for someone to marry and bring the U-haul over, but I am fine with the space of a LDR. I just don't know what to do. Any advice?
Be honest with her and if you haven't already, instead of just telling her she's needy, explain specifically what behaviours you are having issues with and not in a "there's something wrong with you" sort of way, but rather in a....this is where I'm at and this is what I'm looking for from this relationship sort of way. If she isn't wanting the same things or there isn't some sort of compromise that makes everyone comfortable, then the relationship probably isn't going to work. The whole "all lesbians are needy uhaulers" thing is a total cop out. As for her "issues," everybody has got some, but if they are causing problems, she has to either be willing to work on her issues if she wants to change or find someone more compatible, rather than expecting others to keep enabling her to carry on.
I'm thinking she has abandonment issues because she suddenly gets clingy and they run for the hills. And no, we are not all ready to move in... Tbh it sounds as if you are already ready to walk away...
My ex boyfriend was really clingy. Trust me, you'll be anxious and unhappy, ESPECIALLY since you have children and other responsibilities. You don't sound very sure of your feelings for this girl, which I can understand. if she doesn't respect that you want to take it slow, have your space, and need time to care for your family, then maybe you aren't right for each other hun. I hope you get things sorted out soon! <3
Thank you for all the replies! She's planning on visiting me this weekend, so I think it's time for a little face to face chat to either nip these issues in the bud or to move on. This is exactly what I was thinking, too. :eusa_doh:
I find this comment interesting...she's visiting you, not you are seeing each other....whose idea was this weekend?
