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Had sex with my best friend, now he is slightly avoiding me I think..

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by KyrilosC, Feb 20, 2016.

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  1. KyrilosC

    KyrilosC
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    Hi guys,

    Just a small introduction to this story, I am gay and I kind of fell in love with my best friend. For over 2 years I thought he was straight, but I found out recently that he actually is gay as well.. so when I went to see him for a few days where he was studying, I confessed to him. He told me that he only saw me as his best friend and that I should just try and put away all my feelings in order to keep a healthy relationship, which I would be more than glad to do. However, at my last night staying at his home, for some weird reason he asked me to join him in bed.. and we had sex.. And the same thing happened the next morning before my flight home.. He clearly mentioned though that he is still not interested after all that (Yes, I feel used as I think he was just desperate for sex).

    Anyway, ever since, I feel like our relationship has changed and is going downhill. Before all of that happened, we used to talk on a daily basis from facebook/messenger.. Every like 2-3 hours we would message each other and talk about anything (serious or stupid).. From the moment though that everything else happened, he seems to be kind of 'avoiding' me or being held back from talking to me. He doesn't message as much anymore and whatever he says .. doesn't feel the same anymore. I feel like a big gap has opened and that I am losing my best friend slowly. I think he probably feels weird about all the things that happened (which he shouldn't, assuming he invited me into having sex). The whole thing just saddens me :confused::icon_sad:

    I don't know what to do to just bring back that old version of him. :tears:
     
    #1 KyrilosC, Feb 20, 2016
  2. bookreader

    bookreader
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    I would just give him space.
     
    #2 bookreader, Feb 20, 2016
  3. NoClue

    NoClue
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    Hi KyrilosC,

    Do you want a relationship with him or a friendship?

    I ask because you mentioned you fell in love with him but you also mentioned that you miss your friendship.

    Perhaps he's reserved because he doesn't want you to see it romantically.

    I think you should have a talk with him, tell him you feel like things aren't the same and you want things to go back to the way they were. If you want his friendship, just tell him that and that you guys having sex doesn't change anything.

    Hope that helps :slight_smile:
     
    #3 NoClue, Feb 21, 2016
  4. Chip

    Chip
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    THere's not a lot you can do here. There's really no way to make it "go back to how it was before" because having intimate sexual experiences with someone nearly always changes the dynamic of the friendship or connection. Some can do it and have the friendship unchanged, but that's rare.

    The best you can do is give it time and space and hope that over time he will reconnect. And learn for next time the potential consequences of making those sorts of decisions.
     
    #4 Chip, Feb 21, 2016
  5. KyrilosC

    KyrilosC
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    To be honest, since he told me that he is not interested and the whole sex thing would just happen once (according to him), I would prefer to bury my feelings and just continue being best friends with him... If that makes sense :/

    ---------- Post added 28th Feb 2016 at 12:14 PM ----------
    Thanks for the reply Chip. I understand your points but I want to clear out that he asked me to move forward with things (technically I decided to his offer.. but I guess he shouldn't of offered in the first place? Cause I still believe he made the situation like this.. if he never offered me anything, I wouldn't do anything stupid and we both wouldn't be in this situation right now :/)
     
    #5 KyrilosC, Feb 28, 2016
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