First Date and Red Flags?

Okay, so I promised to post my dating experience here if there came a time that I will engage in one.

Which happened a while ago. So please bear with me as I detail to you the things that happened and I need your feedbacks please.

I met him on a dating app for chubs/bears. He claimed to be a chaser. I am not a Chub in the strictest definition but I can consider myself bearish in my current body type. He asked for my recent picture, which I complied. Then he asked me to skype so he can see me, which again, I complied. After that chat, I got turned off as he has this tendency to be a bit bossy (e.g." Can you stand up? I want to see your body") but I gave him the benefit of the doubt and he asked me for coffee. We set the time 2 hours after our chat and I met him in the foodcourt of a mall here that is known to be a mall of "Gay crusing."

When I saw him, I was stunned since he is so different in pictures and in videos. I REALLY LIKE HIM. He is the type of guy who I wanted to have an ONS during my HS days. I just got smitten by him. Not much but enough for me to go gaga. LOL. So, here's the gist of what we have talked about:

- He is "straight-curious"
- never engaged in gay sex
- installed the app "a week ago"
- asked me a lot about gay sex because again he is just curious, which I complied by telling him what I know
- He has a LDR Girlfriend
- We just talked.
- He's actually leaving the country to work abroad and he is saying that he'll be deleting the app in a week's time (It's like he is setting some pressure on me)

But I noticed some red flags:

- He asked me to meet in a "gay cruising" mall.
- He KNOWS some gay hustlers there as he talked with them (Guys just approached him as if he knew them very well, and he explained to me that all of them are either hustlers or cruisers. So much for being just "curious")
- He explained to me a lot about gay cruising and where to find some action (which as the GAY ONE on this date, I find shocking as I didn't even know those things)
- He has a LOT of different gay apps installed in his phone. And lots of messages.
- He is asking me to have a threesome with a gay guy on wednesday with him (I declined)

So, using my deductions, here are the possible things

a.) HE is a gay hustler. Just trying to get my emotions before he asks for something.
b.) He is not straight-curious but more of a Bi/Gay who is expert on gay cruising and hustler business.

I texted him afterwards to thank him for the date and he didn't reply. I just saw him going online in the dating app without leaving me a message.

What do you think?

 

Ugh, I knew it. I just can't believe that my first date ended up to be a disaster like this. I forestalled this event and imagined it to be at least romantic, not spend it with a Gay Hustler, albeit a hot and charming one.

Life.

 

THIS. But stupid me, I even considered it for the sake of trying it. I am proud that my dignity prevailed and I declined.

---------- Post added 22nd Feb 2016 at 04:43 PM ----------

I didn't know he had a Long Distance Girlfriend when I was chatting him. I just learned it during the date, and he mentioned that they are not in good terms (ugh! Typing it makes it more stupid) and that he didn't want her to go abroad in the first place so he's "ditching" her.

 

Yeah, I guess you're right. But I still can't help but feel sad and I really like him but knowing these red flags, I know I'll just feel worse in the long run. I don't easily find someone who I like that much (3 in my lifetime including him) sigh. Anyway a gay hustler is another term for rentboy.

 

I KNOW! This is SO not me! I think my loneliness catches up on me that I am subconsciously pining for this one person who "opened his arms" to me. I REALLY KNEW BETTER and I already blocked him in all things (Well, except through the app) but I have no intentions of speaking to him anymore.

But I really have to admit that I LIKED him a LOT. Ugh... now I understand the people who get crazy with their feelings.

 

UPDATE: What does he want?

Okay just an update, and some of you might be disappointed with what I am about to say but I really have to know stuff.

The event that I talked about in my 1st post happened on Sunday night. I texted him on Monday morning to send "feelers" as I just want to know if the date worked out for him or not. He replied but said, "I'll just have my lunch brb!" but he never went back to me. So I considered that as a sign that, on his part, it didn't work out. So, I AM pretty sad and frustrated but I did accept the situation. No contact for 3 days.

Until today.

He texted me "Murneng" <- (A Filipino play word for "Morning") and then I texted back
I said "Happy Birthday!" as I know it's his birthday today as we've talked about that last Sunday. And the next text that I sent, I am not proud of:

"Do you have plans for today?"​

That text ended us up meeting again on the same mall for a movie just a while ago (I offered to treat him for movie and dinner). He was texting a lot of naughty stuff like "Are you already done with your quickie? I mean, your quick shower?" <- As I told him, I will take a shower first before meeting him.

Again, before you all judge me and bash me, my goal for this "date" is to know for sure if the red flags that I have mentioned are right, I am not just being paranoid as what happened on Sunday was my first date ever AND to see if I really want him like that first time.

BUT I DO. I really, really do.​

I was waiting for him in the mall and one look, out of all the many people from the mall, he really stood out. I mean, f*ck those movies with slow motion and stuff where the person of your dreams suddenly walked out from nowhere, omfg THAT IS REAL. I used to not believe on those sh*t but I just experienced it. Just a while ago. (I still feel goosebumps right now as I write this)

He said he's only good until 8pm as his home is about 3 hours away from where we met.
But I agreed (Anything to be with him even for a couple of hours!) We checked the movie house but found out that all play times will finish at 9pm beyond (again he's only good for 8pm.) So we found ourselves very very awkward as what to do, what to talk about etc.

So here's what I found out. Please let me know what you think HE thinks:

RED FLAG #1: He might want money from me.

Me: I offered him to watch a movie and dinner. My treat. It's his birthday anyway.
Him: He declined the offer first. Agreed when we decided that I'll treat him the movie, he'll treat me with food. When we found out that the schedule of the movies were out of his curfew, he completely declined both movie and dinner. Even when I offered again that dinner will be my treat.

VERDICT: Negative.

RED FLAG #2: He might not be straight-curious, but completely gay or a rentboy.

Me: I offered him a lot of options. Dinner, Coffee, Timezone (arcade place), just walking in the mall.
Him: He declined dinner, claimed to already had coffee, he's not fond of arcade place, we did walk in the mall for a while but he bailed out already as we weren't really having fun. (which is true)

I keep asking him what he wants, what does he want to do as I will treat him. But he keep saying he doesn't know.

SO, I took my last card, and offered him the last option: I implied that we should just "have fun" on our own somewhere. He was texting naughty stuff before we met so I thought this date will lead to that. He keeps insinuating this option. He's like "So, we can't eat dinner, no movie, no coffee, no arcade, what should we do?" He's narrowing the options on what we can do.

But he indirectly declined! He said, he'll just guide me to get a rentboy if I want one since he knows the trade (of course, I don't want one!)

Our curfew of 8pm ended up at 6pm as we really don't have anything to do. I dropped him off to the bus stop like the first time.

I thought that will be the last time as we clearly didn't enjoy this date at all. So, I texted him something along the lines of: "Sorry about the movie. Next time, let's plan ahead so that we can prepare for any curfews or things like that. God bless."

I texted that without expecting a reply.

But he did.

He said, "Sure, next time! It's really hard to do this thing unplanned"

VERDICT: Negative(?)
-----------------------

So, what does he want? If he is not attracted to me physically or anything, why did he agree to see me again today? If he isn't gay or a rentboy, what does he want from me? Why did he meet me?

I am so flustered and frustrated and crazy and confused.