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My dad's real pissed off, and I don't know what to do.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Brokendown, Feb 22, 2016.

  1. Brokendown

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2016
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    Location:
    Narre Warren South
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    A few days ago, I came out on Facebook as bisexual. Most of the people who saw the message were really supportive, but my dad... Well, he's not handling this situation well.

    Prior to going public about my sexuality, I told him I was bi at a shopping center. His initial reaction was "How do you know if you hadn't had a root (sex) yet?". As we kept talking on the drive home, I could tell that he wasn't happy. I'm not sure, but from what I could gather, he either...
    • Doesn't Believe me.
    • Wants me to hide my true self from the world.
    • Want's to convert me.
    Fast-forward about a week or two later, I went public by publishing a short paragraph on Facebook that basically said 'I'm bi, and I would've told you people earlier, but due to the circumstances of my school life, I couldn't (Shit really hit the fan last year). As I said, most people took it well. Friends and family members were very supportive, and congratulated me on my bravery. My dad, though...

    A few hours after I posted the status, my dad messaged me. He wasn't happy that I told people on Facebook. I tried to explain that I felt that this sort of thing is something that people should know about me, but he wasn't having any of that.

    He told me that it's no-one's business but my own, and that the status I posted was nothing more than a desperate attempt at gaining attention. I thought that what he was saying was bullshit (If there's one thing I hate, it's attention seekers), and that I should be allowed to be open with my sexuality.

    As the conversation went on, I started to realize that this spontaneous outburst of anger was an attempt to protect my younger brother. He's struggling at school, and my dad believes that my sexuality will only give him more problems (He's a bit old fashioned, and believes that he'll get bashed because his brother is bi). I stated that this was not the case, and that nobody really cares about this type of stuff anymore, but he ended the conversation with "You really don't have any idea".

    NOTE: My brother confronted me about this, and didn't really care. He asked me, I said yes, and he shrugged it off.

    That was Sunday. Here in Australia, it's 9 PM on a Monday. About two hours ago, my dad ringed me and my siblings like he does every weekday (My parents are divorced). When he spoke to me, he, again, was not happy. He said that I shouldn't be posting that stuff, especially if I hadn't had any experience (He's referring to sex. He obviously doesn't know what sexuality is.). He also said that I was going down the route of an attention whore, just like my mother (Which is kind of untrue. She basically just posts photos of our kittens.).

    He, once again, said that this sort of thing is no-one's business but my own, and I be public about it. Is it really wrong to be open about my sexuality? And saying that it's "No-one's business but my own", isn't he being a little hypocritical? He's the only one that's going off their head about this whole thing. Even one of my mates, who tells gay jokes on an almost-hourly basis, gave less of a shit than my dad.

    He said that we're going to have a big talk on Wednesday. I really don't know what to do. My dad's a very stubborn man, and it's hard to change his mind on something. I feel like that even if I prove that he's wrong, he will force me to abide by his rules.

    Am I in the wrong here? Or is my dad just insane?
    Should I block off contact with him and let this whole situation die down?
    Can somebody help me?
     
  2. Durageis

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 9, 2016
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    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    A few people
    You are absolutely not in the wrong here. It's clear he's struggling with his love for his children and ingrained homophobia. At best he's trying to do what he thinks is protecting you, but it's clear he doesn't realize how harmful what he's saying is. He is the one that doesn't have any idea.

    My stepfather tried to pull this when he realized I was attracted to girls. I attempted humor him thinking he knew better and it made me suicidal as a result. So trust me when I say you did a very brave, admirable thing and it's not you who's in the wrong - it's him.

    Let him know in no uncertain terms that his actions and words are unacceptable, and that you are under no obligation to continue speaking to him if he insists on invalidating you. If he doesn't get the hint, follow through and cut off contact. Nothing is stopping you from hanging up the phone and blocking him on Facebook, though I recommend that you make it extremely clear from the get go that you're not going to speak with him if he refuses to accept you as you are.

    I hope he's just having a bad time coming to terms with it and that he will see the error of his ways. Good luck.