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Island summer w/ straight friend

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by mochii, Feb 22, 2016.

  1. mochii

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    Hi guys, I'm graduating college soon. My straight roommate and close friend of 4 years has lived her whole life on a beautiful island. She has no idea I'm gay (well I'm sure she suspects, but I've denied it and at this point she thinks I like guys). I've only recently really started understanding my sexuality, but I'm not ready to come out to anyone just yet. So this friend invited me to spend the summer (3-4 mths) on the island with her, working, living with her family for free, free produce (her parents are farmers), a short walk to the beach/downtown, etc. The island is one of the most expensive places to live/visit in the US and I will never get this opportunity again, especially before I join the workforce at home.

    But I can't help but feel like a fraud if I take this opportunity, spending the whole summer with her, while she doesn't know I like girls. I don't have feelings for her (thank god) and we are really great friends. But something doesn't sit well with the harsh reality that if I had come out to her before, she might not have invited me, felt comfortable with us sharing her room, etc. And she keeps jokingly saying things like, "You could find your future (rich) husband this summer!" to try to get me to go. I'm mostly worried about having to hide my sexuality for a whole summer. And putting off exploring my sexuality for a whole summer when I'm just finally started to understand it. I know that if someone doesn't accept you, they're not your true friend blah blah. She is my friend and she would most likely accept me in the long run, but I'm not ready for any sense of discomfort if I mention anything about liking girls to her while I'm stuck on an island. And I don't want to rush coming out just for this one situation. I'm probably overthinking it and should just go, but this worry still sits in the back of the mind. Any words of advice?
     
  2. bookreader

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    I wouldn't tell her until you're comfortable. Then when the right time comes, you can tell her.
     
  3. Distant Echo

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    Go. She suspects and has asked you anyway. Go.
     
  4. Lin1

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    I thought you were going to say you had a crush on her which would have made the whole thing more tricky, but you don't so I would go. You don't owe her any explanation about your sexual life nor any indication about who you are attracted to. But summer is still a long way away so if you think she will accept you in the long run you could always start sharing your doubts with her and see how she reacts so by the time summer come she'll be over it and you won't have to hide who you are and how you feel? Who knows, she may even want to become your wing woman.


    My best friend was lesbophobic and it took her a couple days to wrap her head around the idea that I was bi and not much more to fully embrace it. Now she totally gets excited if I meet girls and would totally wing woman me if needed. Having to fake being straight was dreadful and only for this I would advice you to share your doubts with her if she is open-minded and accepting of LGBT people.

    My best friend was NEVER uncomfortable around me even after I was out. She knew I was not into her , she just had trouble understanding how it worked. Now that it's been explained to her, she is fine. We had an holiday planned and it went amazingly and was not awkward at all. :slight_smile:
     
  5. mochii

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    thank you guys :slight_smile: