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Lesbians, gays who once were (or are) in straight relationship, how did this happen?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Laura27, Feb 23, 2016.

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  1. Laura27

    Laura27
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    Location:
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    Sexual Orientation:
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    Out to everyone
    I am interested if I will get any reactions at all. The ideal coming out story seems to be 'I was never interested in guys, I never even kissed one and never wanted to, that's how I knew'. I need some support. Let me start of with my story.

    I tried to 'make myself straight' with my first boyfriend. I never had feelings for men, never noticed them and because of this, instead of realizing that I was gay, I feared that I was incapable of love. So I went all the way with him, even though I gagged during our first kiss. After you go through the horrible first time, it gets easier. I also think it helped that I was 16 and hormones were all over the place, anything would turn me on.

    After we broke up sixteen year old me came out to my family. They did not believe me and thought I was looking for attention. So I started to heavily doubt myself again and got back into the closet. I did date some girls in between, but they weren't looking for a relationship, and women made me so damn nervous. Men were 'easier', since I got nothing to lose in the first place.

    So I ended up in another, this time longterm relationship with a man. We had mutual friends, mutual aspirations, personalities that were freakishly alike, and were involved in the same circles of friends. Breaking up with him was hard, since it led me to loose a LOT of friends. This was the reason why I stayed in this relationship.

    Having had experiences with men, and being so uncannily close with staying with one for the rest of my life, I am still certain that I am gay. I like only women, and the reason why I ended up with a man were doubts, anxiety and most of all how easy it is to be heterosexual. What were your reasons?
     
    #1 Laura27, Feb 23, 2016
  2. RavenTheRat

    RavenTheRat
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    Re: Lesbians, gays who once were (or are) in straight relationship, how did this happ

    Coming out to my mother, and her negative reaction, made me feel like a disappointment. It crushed me. So I tried to be straight. Didn't work.... I regret it every day. I lied to myself and hurt an innocent guy in the process. Just more self-loathing to add to the lot.
     
    #2 RavenTheRat, Feb 23, 2016
  3. cibi

    cibi
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    Re: Lesbians, gays who once were (or are) in straight relationship, how did this happ

    i had a decoy gf to throw people off the scent that i was actually a fag. it lasted for 5 years when i finally had the balls to come out. Thinking back it was a shitty move and i now withdraw my name from sainthood but she knew something was up and she told me that she messed around with guys the same way i did... so we laughed and remained friends she now has a husband and a son so it's all good
    Also its not uncommon for lgbt people to have straight relationships because the world we live in is straight (people animals plants nature etc)so before we get in touch with who we really are its only basic to follow everyone else in desires mannerisms bla bla bla
     
    #3 cibi, Feb 23, 2016
  4. Bluesteel

    Bluesteel
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    Re: Lesbians, gays who once were (or are) in straight relationship, how did this happ

    I know I can't speak for everyone, but I can tell my story. I knew I liked boys since I was 13. But I felt so compelled by my friends, family and society to only like girls. Because it was the normal thing to do, plus life is less complicated when your straight. So throughout my high school years and early twenties. I just completely buried my feelings for guys. And convinced myself I was straight. Even though I had "performance" problems with every girl I was ever with.

    Until I met "the" girl. With her it was different. We just clicked and all my "problems" seemed to go away. We even got married and had kids..... but not to long into the relationship my feelings for guys started to surface again, and bad. At that point I just accepted the fact that I was bisexual. And learned to deal with it for a while. I even came out to my wife as such, and she was "okish" with it for a while, until I felt I had to put myself back in the closet because she started acting weird about it.

    Fast forward a few years to now. And the feelings for guys has been evermore intense. To the point I just couldn't ignore it anymore. I even started having "performance problems" again. And after some deep thought and research I realized I wasn't bisexual at all. I was completely gay...

    So in short,that's where I'm at in life And how I got here. Just coming to the realization I need to tell my wife the truth and put things straight in our lives.
     
    #4 Bluesteel, Feb 24, 2016
  5. guitar

    guitar
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    Re: Lesbians, gays who once were (or are) in straight relationship, how did this happ

    Laura, your story is very much my own, except stretch it out another 6-7 years or so. Your line about thinking you were incapable of love really hit home. That was me. My friends talked about how into their girlfriends they were. I just wasn't. We were friends, but it was so hard to be more, because I just wasn't into them. I dated girls because it felt like an obligation and because they wanted to date me. That got people off my back about when I would get a girlfriend.
     
    #5 guitar, Feb 24, 2016
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