I previously posted this in what I now realize is the wrong forum, but I just wanted some guidance or advice. I'm so used to heterosexual relationships (specifically one relationship) that I'm having a hard time here. My partner is ..uh...well versed in same sex relationships so I rely on her for the standards and such. But she went out with a girl from work for a happy hour just the two of them, and it makes me uncomfortable. In a hetero relationship that would be very unorthodox, but in a same sex one...idk. Aren't most people friends with people of the same gender? How could I possibly be made uncomfortable by that. I will add that I've never met that girl. They stayed out really late. There has been some other lying around this girl. OH and my partner and I were both in committed relationships when we met...So...we don't have the most trustworthy framework. She's been really supportive, owning up where she was wrong, and being as transparent as possible But I'm really struggling to get past this. Like she works with her...ANd she's gorgeous. Outshines me by a million....I'm having a hard time. Has anyone else had a hard time with that? ALSO - how did you not go crazy? Because that's my challenge...
Hi Bibliovian, First of all you should be aware that a general aspect of homosexual relationships is a freedom from expectation to stick to norms and standards. What your girlfriend has experienced in her same-sex relationships should not be what must happen in this one. You can agree together on what feels right and comfortable for you both. More importantly, being honest to yourselves about the circumstances of your relationship starting, specifically that you both left other relationships to be in your current one, is important because you can specifically highlight this issue and commit to working on trust building. Understanding each other's insecurity and lacking of trust doesn't have to mean there can never be security & trust in each other. This is a key realisation that if you can both accept will allow you to go forward building trust without being hurt and offended. This takes a certain level of risk and vulnerability that is unfortunately inevitable. Trust isn't something we can tell ourselves to have, it has to be earned to be believed. With time, understanding, and a commitment to reassuring each other through spells of insecurity you can continue to move forward as best as you can.
