After some reflection on why I would never want to be with someone romantically, I realized part of the reason why. I could never respect anyone who was attracted to me or likes in that way. If I think about what it would be like to be with someone, it makes me extremely uncomfortable. I honestly don't see any reason for someone to be attracted to my looks or personality, so if anyone ever expressed that they do...:eusa_sick I could never respect them, which is part of the reason why I never have and never will be in a relationship. Has anyone else had similar feelings? (but not as extreme)
One of Groucho Marx's routines was based on the idea that "I would never join a club who would take me in as a member." So the basic idea at least has been around longer than you or me. Here's the thing, though. You don't get to choose what other people find attractive. It's a simple enough statement, and most people seem to agree with it in theory. Different strokes for different folks, and all that. But for some reason, they seem to think that they're the sole exception to that rule. And yeah, I was in that boat. I knew nobody was going to find me attractive, or worth dating. Not "worried" - "knew". I mean, look at me, right? Some guys might like muscular guys, and others might like skinny types, but nobody out there is going to panting over a fat, klutzy gargoyle. It just stands to reason. And then somebody did. And somebody else did. And somebody else. And yeah, at first I gave these guys the side-eye. What kind of loon would look upon the gargoyle as an object of attraction? Well, as it ended up, a loon who found the gargoyle appealing in a basic, non-physical way...and got to know him better...and decided that the gargoyle had qualities they liked and admired. And eventually that turned to something a bit more. It ends up the gargoyle wasn't an exception to that rule, after all. No, he never had to fight off his admirers with a stick. But there exist people who find him appealing, and even attractive. Even now as he makes his was through his forties. And...yeah, it's still a bit surprising. But I've accepted it. In fact, I've embraced it. Because I started seeing what they saw. One of the best things I ever did was befriend the guy in the mirror. Not reluctantly accept that I'd never be free of him, but actually befriend him. Not because he's totally my tyoe physically, but because (as it ends up) we have a lot of stuff in common. And by befriending him, I learned to like and even love him. Not in an egotistical way, but the same way you love a really good friend. "You may not like him, but I do." And by doing so, I came to the conclusion that sure, others might like him, too. Lex
That quote sums up my feelings exactly. Anyone who could like me must have something wrong with them. Thanks for sharing your experience, I am glad that you learnt to like the guy in the mirror,but I hate that guy in my mirror he can f*** off. Weirdly, a part of me likes the idea of no one ever liking me, I kind of don't want it to change.
This is interesting indeed. I cannot say what is causing this besides poor self-esteem but it sure isn't a healthy way of looking at yourself. Perhaps you could talk about this with a psychologist?
Well, if you've decided your "unlovability" is a trait you cherish and desire to hold on to, there's really not much more to be said. Lex
Going to get counselling for other problems, it may lead to help with my self-esteem (if i find the courage to go). It's just a lingering thing, this has been the way I have thought for so long. Trying to change it seems a bit scary is all, it would feel like changing a big part of me. It seems to be part of my personality now, I wouldn't know who I'd be without feeling "unlovable". It's the only thing that makes me feel unique (it's sad, I know), I want to not feel this way while at the same time I want to hang on to this feeling.
