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Need advice, I am so confused right now

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by JAA1297, Feb 27, 2016.

  1. JAA1297

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    So my story is very long but I'll try to cut things short.

    So back when my high school year started, I saw this guy in English class who I fell completely in love with the very moment I laid eyes on his perfection. I didn't know it was love because I hadn't come out to myself yet. Two weeks or so later, the teacher swapped our papers so we can read each others', and I got his paper. Three paragraphs in, and I get hit like a ton of bricks—he writes that he's gay. At that moment, I felt something so powerful and overwhelming—I told myself that I had to get to know him better. So later in November, the opportunity arose. My English teacher handed us a packet to read for homework, and I lost it, so I decided to message him (I'll name him Anthony) and ask Anthony for pictures of the packet. But I wanted his number, so I told him to text it to me instead because my Facebook messenger "doesn't work". He texted it to me, and even though I'd never spoken to him in person, I texted him every day about random stuff (I knew nothing about him so we just talked about school). Three days later, I came out to myself. So I thought to myself, if I come out to him, we'll be best friends! So the next day, I walk up to Anthony and tell him that I want to talk to him after school. He obliged. After school, shaking and about to pass out, I tell him I'm gay. He embraced me—I was literally about to cry because of how happy I was. The love of my life was hugging me. This meant he would be my friend, and we'd always be with each other! I text him later that evening, thanking him for accepting me and talking to me. He responds that he is glad that I came out to him "despite not knowing me for very long". He also says that he is always there to talk to me whenever I want. I was so happy. The next day, I asked him about how he came out to himself, and he responded normally to me. I then told him something along the lines of "I feel weird around others now" and then the worst thing happened. He said that he knows that I lied to him to get his number and was uncomfortable that I came out to him. In his words, "this cannot continue". He then blocked me on Facebook. I was devastated. I lay there crying for at least two hours, if not more. I had no drive to do anything. I had a terrible fever and I was in bed for the rest of the weekend. When we got back to school on Monday, he avoided being around me and I was scared shitless of him. Every night I cried myself to sleep. I thought my life was over. Two months later, things deescalated. When I was talking to a friend of mine and he was in the same room with us, he indirectly responded to something that I said without mentioning me or making eye contact with me. That's a start, I thought to myself. A little bit later, I spoke to him about something strictly school-related. He answered me with a normal face and looked at me. One of our mutual friends told me that he thinks I'm annoying and creepy. Gradually, this sort of thing continued until the other day, he initiated a brief conversation with me because he accidentally took something of mine. He gave it back to me and said something with a slight smile. Then, while I was arguing with another kid about politics, Anthony also contributed and asked me who I supported. Later that same day, he sent me a follow request on Instagram. I accepted it, and followed him too. Later that day, I sent him a Facebook request from another account he didn't block. He accepted that too. That same night, I came out to everyone on facebook, and he texted me saying that he was proud of me (he also complained about the wording of my post because it made it seem like I said being gay was a choice; he was upset about that and that's possibly the reason he texted me). I was overwhelmed with happiness. It seemed as if everything was getting back on track. However, yesterday (the day after I came out) the same mutual friend of mine who's close with Anthony said that he said that I'm creepy and that I went too far by coming out on Facebook. I am so confused because I don't know if he wants to be friends again or if he's just trying to be nice or of my other friend is lying? Please help me I have to be this guy's friend somehow and I don't know what to do!!
     
  2. bookreader

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    Honestly if I was in your shoes, I would let him go. Or maybe say sorry for everything that has happened and that if he wants you to stay away from him, you'll understand. This guy is not worth it. There's other guys you can be friends with.
     
  3. JAA1297

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    Thanks, it's just that I love him so so so much I'd never be able to let him go but at the same time I don't have the courage to go up to him and ask him about what's going on. And I can't try to have a casual text conversation with him because I don't know what to talk about so this is just so upsetting/confusing to me.
     
  4. Calf

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    Try to remember that he is in the same position as you with his sexuality. Perhaps he is scared about other people judging your friendship/relationship and so doesn't want to get close. Is he out to everyone?
    From what you have written, I think you probably have become a bit overly interested in the guy. He's not the only gay guy on the planet but for now he might be the only one in your world and so you are desperate to forge a relationship whether he wants it or not. Just because you're both gay doesn't mean he has to like you. I'm not saying that to hurt you in anyway but I think you are setting yourself up for a lot of hurt and pain by putting so much hope in this guy.
    You have a lot going on in a short time and maybe what you need to do is take a step back form it all.
    When you are ready for any possible response, text him and ask if you can talk privately, best away from school (but somewhere safe). Explain that you hadn't intended to upset him but that you would value his friendship. If he doesn't want to know then forget it and move on. You will eventually meet others and in the meantime you can always come on this forum and chat to people if you need to speak with someone who understands you better.
     
  5. JAA1297

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    Yea, he is openly gay just like me. I think I will text him sometime soon to figure all this out. But do you think that is talking about everything will make our friendship forced or unnatural? Or do a lot of friends have these kinds of talks with each other?
     
  6. bookreader

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    It'll make the friendship I guess, cordial. Friends do have a lot of these talks. I had friends who truthfully told me that I was being clingy and a follower. They also told me to not ask out straight guys. They were looking out for me.
     
  7. JAA1297

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    I'll give that a try and see what happens. I hope everything will work out, because he means a lot to me.
     
  8. Euler

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    OK, this seems bizarre. Why would anyone feel that you coming out on FB "went too far"? Are you sure you didn't leave out something?

    In either case your own emotions toward this guy don't sound healthy either. Perhaps you could talk to your school psychologist about this?
     
  9. JAA1297

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    That's what was confusing me—how could posting on Facebook be considered too far? I think that he just loves causing drama. And also, part of me thinks our mutual friend is lying to me. Our school is boarding/day school, and my mutual friend and Anthony are both boarders so that's why I trusted what he said. But he does have a reputation of being very dishonest in the past so maybe he's just lying about the fact that he thinks I'm creepy. And yea, I've talked to the counselor, she thinks there's hope for me to be his friend again, but that I just need to take things really slow. Everything's just happening so quickly and I'm kind of overwhelmed lol.
     
  10. Calf

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    I'm glad to hear that you're in touch with your school counsellor because it's good to have that support available.
    It's perfectly healthy to have conversations with anyone about the way you feel or what you're thinking - not enough people do it enough of the time. It's not easy but then nothing of any value is.
    The fact that he is a border and your not gives a bit more insight to his perspective. He has a lot more to worry about when it comes to his popularity and peer image because he doesn't get to escape it all at the end of each day.
    Also is there a chance that your mutual friend is jealous? Maybe they are just trying to protect you from getting hurt or even just trying to tell you their own opinion without upsetting you. Life is complicated, relationships are complex, it's not always easy to know what other people are really thinking. That's where all those honest chats come in.
     
  11. JAA1297

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    Yea, I think I should probably have a chat with him in person, but like I said before, I'm just a little concerned that it may make our friendship seem forced or awkward, but that's probably just something I'm worried about because I haven't really had a lot of friends so I don't know how to talk to friends and make friends. Or worse even, what if he thinks we are friends and I just ruin everything by having a conversation with him?
     
  12. AlmostBlue

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    The mutual friend seems suspicious to me. Even if the information he had was true, why would he tell you other than to hurt you/cause trouble? I would guess that Anthony thought that you were at first coming on to him by getting his number and coming out to him, and perhaps that scared him. Whatever the case, it was not very mature of him to cut you off entirely, and his actions were very abrupt and incoherent. I think it's completely fine to have a conversation with him, and it could make things awkward at first but it can be much better in the long run. You could begin by telling him that the mutual friend told you that Anthony thinks your creepy, but if that's the case, could he elaborate? And just try to focus on listening to what he has to say, ask questions to clarify, and then afterwards try to see if there's still a way to be friends.
     
  13. JAA1297

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    Yea I guess that's worth a try. I probably overwhelmed him with a lot of different things (getting his number, coming out to him, me liking him) all at once and he couldn't handle it so I think I'll try to have a conversation with him and see where that leads us.
     
  14. mlansing

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    To me it doesn't sound like you want to be friends with him, it sounds like you want to date him. There's nothing wrong with that. Just be honest with yourself, though. If you continue to lie to yourself that you want to just be "friends" you're setting yourself up for more emotional agony. Also, it doesn't seem like he's interested in dating you or he wouldn't have dramatically cut things off with you earlier or called you creepy behind your back. Move on, don't contact him anymore, find other friends, and you'll be happy that you did.
     
  15. JAA1297

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    So I spoke to a close friend of his, and he was able to convince him to talk to me tomorrow morning. But, I have no idea what to say I have one chance to clarify everything and I just don't know what to tell him, does anyone have any idea?