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My girlfriend loves me but I don't love her

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Velvet, Mar 6, 2016.

  1. Velvet

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    I've been with my girlfriend for a year but I don't love her and she loves me. We were best friends before we started going out but as time passes by I realize that I just see her more as a friend. I do like her but I can't view myself loving her like the way she loves me...I don't know what to do. I feel like a bad person...I don't know what to think or do. I feel like this is a big problem but to break up because of this sounds really random and extreme. Or is it...? I would like as much advise as possible. Anyone else been through this?
     
  2. Aspen

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    Not loving her the way she loves you is not at all a random or extreme reason to break up with someone. It's not like you're breaking up with her because she puts milk in the bowl before the cereal or leaves towels on the bathroom floor or pronounces "for" like "fur." How you feel about her is perfectly valid. Part of being in a relationship is deciding whether you can see a future with that person. If you can't, that's okay. You might want to talk to her about how you're feeling. It's going to be hard, but you shouldn't stay with someone because you feel guilty about not loving them as much as they love you.
     
  3. PrsngHppnss8D

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    I agree and disagree.

    In my opinion, it's not just a fact of thinking about the future as a couple (not the only thing), but it's also about a two-way interests (may it be love, sex, other things). You said you don't love her at all, so would you take the risk to wait the love to just appears?

    What makes you staying with this person even not loving her? Does she knows the reason you are engaged with her? It doens't matter which reason is, but both need to agree with that.

    You have to match a big interests to your partner that would make this relationship valid. You told us love is not one of them. It is okay for you? Also, it is okay to her?

    Stay cool.
     
  4. YeahpIdk

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    It's tough, but you should probably break up. She deserves to be loved authentically, and you deserve to be in a relationship with someone you know you're in love with. I'd just be honest and kind, and expect some backlash. In the end, it'll be best for the both of you.

    There's nothing worse than loving someone who doesn't love you back.
     
  5. Velvet

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    I'm not the type to stay with someone out of guilt. Morally I think that is wrong. Yeah I guess it is a valid reason. As time goes on something like this would ultimately but definitely be a big problem. Yeah... it's hard...I think that's why I keep questioning myself. I'm scared of doing the wrong thing. Thank you for your input.

    ---------- Post added 7th Mar 2016 at 01:06 PM ----------

    The reason I don't love her is because of past trust issues that were resolved and how our relationship is going about at the moment. I feel like the past issue had already damaged me in a way but I forgave her. I forgave and forgot but recently I realized I think that it subconsciously affected me still, that it happened. I like her but we also aren't on the same page (she loves me in a different way compared to my liking for her).

    I'm with her because I do like her a lot but I don't think I can love her like how she loves me. It's a different kind of affection for her. She thinks more mentally about things but I am more physical. It clashes. It isn't that love is not valid, it is on different level of liking her when it comes to me and her. It doesn't feel okay, I feel like she deserves someone who looks for the same things in a relationship...I feel like me liking her is not enough. At least it won't be in the long run if things continue. I will have to think about what to talk about with her...

    ---------- Post added 7th Mar 2016 at 01:19 PM ----------

    My feelings toward her are authentic, but just because I don't love her like how she loves me doesn't mean it is invalid. No, it is okay. I value your opinion. I wouldn't give you backlash because of your opinions. I think they are fair to say. In a way I feel similar to what you are saying, that it might just be better to break up. I feel like she deserves someone who share the same views and want the same out of a relationship. The fact that me not loving her is a problem. You are right, that she deserves someone who will love her. But just because I don't love her doesn't mean I'm the bad guy. I feel like you make me sound like the bad guy in our relationship. But I can't help what I don't feel. It doesn't mean my liking to her is less just because she loves me compared to me only liking her.
     
  6. YeahpIdk

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    Not making it out to sound like you're the bad guy, at all. You do believe she deserves to be loved the way she loves you, yes? It's what you've stated, and is why you're thinking about breaking up with her, because you also believe that it's what she deserves.

    When I say authentic, I mean that you're in a relationship where there's a really huge element missing: romantic love/interest. Friendship love is not the same. I think you can have both at once with someone, but if you're in a romantic relationship with them, then it can't just be the friendship one. I imagine that because you only feel friendship toward her, it isn't an authentic romantic relationship.

    You're not a bad person. People fall out of love, and it's okay. It hurts and it sucks, especially on the receiving end, but it's life. You both deserve happiness. Everyone does.

    Unless they suck. :icon_wink