Recently a friend asked me if I was a lesbian and I defensively said no, but not because I'm ashamed. I am just not ready to be out to my entire friend group. It's not the first time I have been asked by someone, so I try really hard not to show "signs" that I like girls. I never go as far as making up guys that I like, but at work I met a guy and we started talking because I thought he was cool. I obviously didn't have feelings for him. We were just being normal friends. I did, however, intentionally lead some friends to believe that I had a crush on him. I knew it was wrong, but I didn't want them to think I was anything but straight. There was also another occasion where I had met a girl that I was into and wanted so desperately to tell everyone about this awesome girl, so I just told people it was a guy. One friend had even asked me about the guy I work with when I was with one of the two people who I am out to. Needless to say she was confused. She asked me about it later and I said that I thought I could learn to like him (which I somewhat believed was possible for some reason), but I didn't have feelings for him. I hate making it up. I plan on just keeping it up until I go to college in the fall., but I don't know if I can. I even have one incredibly homophobic friend that I know will no longer respect me if she finds out. I just don't want that kind of drama in my last two months of high school. I'm ready to just have a fresh start and leave people like her behind. I know it's bad and I shouldn't pretend to be something that I am not, but I also am just not ready to be out yet. Is there some kind of in between??
I've totally been there. My aunt asked me when she was drunk why I didn't have a boyfriend yet, and if I was a lesbian. I pretended to act all offended. Then I told a friend that I was planning to ask this guy out (but it was actually a girl). Really I just needed to talk about having feelings for someone, and I couldn't do it without lying about it. Afterwards, I hadn't spoken to her for a couple months, and when I saw her last week she asked what happened with that guy, and she wanted me to show her a picture of him on Facebook. I said I changed my mind about him, and then said I'd show her a picture later but then "accidentally" forgot. I'm really getting tired of living this way haha. I'm meeting up with her in a week to tell her the truth. I think she'll be supportive and encouraging. I guess my advice would be to pick the better of the two options, I don't really think that there is an in-between. If you feel like you're ready to tell your friends, then I would, but like you say, high school can be a lot of drama and it might cause you more stress than it's worth. Or, continuing to tell little lies might stress you out too much. Basically, I think you just have to pick the one that sucks the least. 2 months feels like a long time, but it will fly by! If you think you can stick it out, then I would. But do whatever is best for you. This is your life, not mine, and everyone is different. Either way, we'll be here to support you. Best of luck!
If it's just two months, you can do it. Pretending straight for years (even when I'm bi) is really draining mentally. My pretending wasn't as made up as yours. I wasn't faking anything, whatever I was saying I was stating the truth. I just omitted the "same sex" part of things. It was still tough. Just be yourself. Cheers.
