Yeah, it's been three years. We met when I started at my first job when I was 17. I'm 20 years old now and I still work there. It's a seasonal job - I pretty much just see her in the summer months and again at Christmas. She is gay, and she doesn't hide it at all. When I met her, she was the first girl I was ever attracted to, and the reason I began to question my sexuality. I'm now at the point where I'm almost ready to come out. I'm going to tell one of my friends in a week when I see her. I'm both nervous and excited. Usually, what happens to me during the school year when I don't see her is I forget about her and rarely think about her. Then when we're back to working together again in the summer I end up falling so hard for her. It has happened for three summers now, and in a couple months, it will be the fourth. This year, I really started to explore my sexuality and I haven't forgotten about her like I usually do. Part of me can't wait to start work again in May and see her, while the other part of me just feels completely exhausted at the thought of it. Keeping these feelings inside of me for so long has really taken a toll on me. I've had the impression on a few occasions over the years that she was interested in me. The first year we didn't work together directly, just the two of us, very often. One time, when we did, she told me that she had hoped we'd be working together more often. I don't know if this was her being friendly or something more, but I was really caught off guard when she said it, and I ended up not saying anything. She got really uncomfortable at that point and kind of looked away and ran her fingers through her hair before changing the subject. That did give me the impression that she liked me, but I find it hard to tell if I saw something there just because I wanted to. Half the time I just wanted to be near her, and the other half of the time my feelings for her really scared me and I avoided her and basically ignored her. I've given her really mixed signals over the years. I know this year is my last shot to do something about it. My family doesn't know I'm not straight, but if something were to happen with her, I would definitely be proud to tell them. I just don't know how to go about showing her I am interested. She knows that I briefly dated a guy (most awkward experience ever) and as such probably thinks I'm straight. I'm also quite shy. Plus I worry about her rejecting me and then having to work together for the rest of the summer. Any advice on what I should do?
