I know this is cliché, I know it's "a tale as old as time" and I know I'm probably the 1000th person to post something like this but I am not sure what else to do. My best friend is the whole package, attractive, intelligent, sweet, funny, ambitious - everything I want, but he's straight. He goes on dates a lot and is currently seeing a girl. I was the first person he wanted her to meet to get my opinion but seeing his arms around her and their innocent kisses upset me. I played it cool but there's a limit; I'm torn between never wanting to talk him again and wanting to kiss him. When we go out as a group to dance I get upset I can't dance with him. I'm afraid if I get really drunk I'll try to kiss him. We text for hours a day, we're very close, tell each other everything but that only makes it all worse. I get excited when I get a text from him and get anxious when he takes too long to respond. I will text him for 2 hours and then talk on the phone for 4 and honestly still not want to stop talking to him. I tried distancing myself for a month but that only made him sad, more clingy and more affectionate. I've tried not thinking about him, hooking up with other guys but all I wish is that they were him instead... I feel sick, depressed, in pain and all I want to do is slap myself. He makes me hug him but when I do I don't want to let go. I love everything about him, his smell, his smile, his laugh... I haven't come out to anyone and am not able to any time soon, until I'm financially independent. What do I do? Where do I go? Is there a potion that'll make him gay? Well, actually, if there are potions, could I have a straight one and be done with this never ending nightmare.
That is a tough situation to be in...sadly in the end he is straight and you aren't. If it were me, I would tell him how I feel. Wouldn't it just be worse to keep it in and continue living how you are feeling at this moment? It kills you the more you try to suppress it. It will be inevitable that it will continue on like this if you don't do something about it. It will be hard no matter what you do or don't do. I know you feel like you can't come out but maybe only tell him? I hope things go well for you.
Thank you so much for your message. It's hard sometimes bc unlike most people I can't go to the people I love with this, so often times I'm just mulling it over in my head. It's nice to say (or write) something and have another human respond. Thank you, again
No problem! :icon_bigg I know how you feel. I feel like I can't go to the people I love with my problems as well...I also normally have it running over and over in my head. I find it very helpful this community exists. Glad I could help! Good luck with things (*hug*)
