Hey so basically I live with my muslim family who's completely homophobic and they always comment shitty things about gays and lesbians and it hurts me so much to know that one day when I find someone that they won't support me. I have no intentions of coming out to them but they always warn me about "the gays" and is really bothering me. I KNOW for a fact that I'll be disowned if i ever get caught or anything of the sort. I live my life in fear and I hate it. I don't want to have to pick between my sexuality and my family...
Ahlan Wasan. I am Harif, not muslim, but from a christian family from muslim country. I feel for you because I am in a similar situation. I am not in a position to tell you what to do, because my own position is unstable too, to say the least. But right now I am seeking help outside my community. Is there any way for you to do the same, somewhere in the future maybe? I understand what you say about being without family or support if you ever decide to come out. So it is indeed not a decision you can make lightly. I hope you find the support you need here in EC.
I would recommend establishing connections with the LGBT community. Should something happen, you have a place to go, for your safety. One of my friends was in that exact situation that you are in right now. Before he came out his homophobic family, he had backup in case he needed a place to stay. His family immediately disowned him and he was threatened. It was his decision to come out to his parents, but had he not established a good support group I'm not sure what would have happened. You certainly don't have to come out to your family, but a support group in your area will be super beneficial.