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Searching for a Partner: Last Resort

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by ANerdWhoCares, Mar 13, 2016.

  1. ANerdWhoCares

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    So I've been away from EC for a VERY long time, so long that I hate to come back begging for help rather than providing it, but in my absence from this site, a lot has happened. Get ready for some reading, folks! :/

    My problems started around when midterms ended for me in late January/early February. Valentine's Day was coming up, and I was feeling happy and confident after just finishing midterms, so I set out on the quest to try and find a boyfriend. At the time, I still had a horrible straight-crush on my mind, so I decided one night, regardless of the outcome, I wanted to move foreward. So I wrote him a letter confessing how I felt, and begging him, regardless of how he feels back, to just tell me, so that even if I were to be rejected, I could stop crushing blindly. And that's exactly what he did. He let me down slowly, and told me he wasn't interested. Despite the fact that his voice saying those words still rings in my mind from time to time, I still wouldn't wish the outcome any other way (except maybe acceptance :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:). So with that ordeal over with, I started to try and scope out any potential boyfriend material at my school.

    Let me tell you, if Sarah Palin were to run for presidency, she'd still have more success in her presidential campaign than I've had in my guy-hunting campaign. My gaydar is completely worthless, so I've been relying on friends to help me out. All 3 of my closest friends came back empty handed, but 3 new friends I met along the way found (and one's still finding) me some leads to pursue. My first friend, Margot, found me 4 guys in the next city over, and I was head-over heels at the fact that I had variety, let alone 1 option. But once she did a background check on them, I was dissuaded immediately. 1 was a meth addict, 1 a major pothead, 1 a renowned cheater, and 1 had no interest in anyone other than his straight best friend. 1 shot, 4 kills, damn...

    My next friend, Lisa, found me a freshman she's known since way back in elementary school. He's mostly closeted, but a good guy. Not exactly model-material, but I'm not picky. She tried to introduce me to him one day, but I chickened out and beelined away. That night, she told her friend my name, and he looked up my freshman picture in the yearbook. He said I was ugly over text, and Lisa showed me the next day, killing any interest I had. With gays like him, I don't need straight bullies.

    My most recent lead, found by my friend Alyssa, was a guy she knew over Instagram. I was already skeptical about this guy, since he was bi (my biggest relationship fear is dating a bisexual guy, getting attached, and then being abandoned for some mean blonde tramp with big tits) but I was desperate enough to try. He was willing to give me a chance, and I was incredibly happy, but when I saw his picture, I decided to bail out. Now let's get one thing straight folks, I am literally the least racist person you'll ever meet, but in terms of attractive preference, I just don't go after really dark skinned people. I don't hate them, but I'm just not attracted to them, it's just preference. Nothing personal. Anyways, this guy was African American, so I turned him down with a heavy heart, 'cause he sounded really nice. Goddamit, me!

    Now, I'm heartbroken, guilty, lonely, and sad all the time. Lisa's still trying to find me more leads to find some measure of hope and comfort, but it's dying out, FAST. I've come back to E.C to ask "what more can I do?" I've tried attending GSA at my school, but it's full of straight allies, straight gender-nonconformists, and lesbians. The one guy that ever shows up is always with his girlfriend. Where else can I look? Am I just not meant to have a normal high school love life? Is it just nothing but a pipe dream of a out, gay teen?

    What more can I dooooooooooo???????
     
  2. SHIELDAgentAlex

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    First off, (*hug*). Seems like you could use that.

    Second, it's okay! You're young--well, you're older than me, but whatever, we can both be young :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:--and, if your avatar is a pic of you, pretty freakin' cute. Don't run yourself ragged chasing guys; it's not worth it. And from what you've said, the guys in question weren't worth it either.

    It's only a huge thing worth getting upset over if that's what you make it, right? So don't make it that (easier said than done)! And if the perfect guy happens to fall into your lap (prolly not, because no highschooler is perfect), then that's really fucking great! But don't drive yourself crazy chasing guys who don't deserve your attention, darling. (*hug*)
     
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  3. FalconBlueSky00

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    I don't think getting left for a mean blonde tramp with a big dick would feel any better. People are monogamous or they are not, being bi has nothing to do with it. Sorry if that's harsh I see you are having a rough time. Maybe back off the search and just get out in the world some, meet as many new people as you can regardless of their orientation. Volunteer at different places, and try things you haven't tried before just to say you did them. Most people meet at work or school, if you stay social your bound to find someone. Love isn't a race, and it doesn't happen for everyone right away. In a way that's a good thing because it gives you a chance to build your own indentity before getting into a serious relationship.
     
  4. Andrew99

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    Ugh I know completely what you're talking about! (*hug*)

    I'm homeschooled now and just shy of getting my diploma but when I went to regular school damn it was hard! There were a few guys that liked me but I didn't like them back and the guys who I liked were either already taken or didn't like me so it was really hard. Middle school everyone was closeted and my middle school only had like maybe 500 kids in it. I also started going to GSA's but there's no one I would wanna date there and plus it seems like a lot of people that go there are over 18. I try not to think about it too much but I hate the fact that I've never had a bf and how it feels so impossible to find one. When you talk about dating and race I can also understand. I'm not racist at all but I've only really ever had a few crushes to be honest (all on gay guys too!) and they were all white as well so I also get where you're coming from there.

    I just wish you the best of luck and hope you find a bf! (*hug*)
     
  5. Euler

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    First a few comments. I think you are worrying too much for your age. There will be plenty of opportunities in college if you are going there. At 16 most gays are in the closet and it takes some time for them to build up the courage to come out so be patient.

    The other thing I must say is that if your avatar is your real portrait I strongly wonder how that guy could find you ugly. I remember your previous portrait and remember having thinking how nice and friendly face you have. Granted, we do look a bit alike so maybe I'm not the most impartial person but still, I don't think very many people would actually find you unattractive.

    Then to the actual question. I believe that love happens when you least expect it. So you shouldn't be directly looking for people to date but instead you could just maximize your contact to people and perhaps you meet someone quite unexpectedly. Perhaps you could take up a new hobby popular among gays. I'm not saying you should take up some stereotypically gay thing like ballet (unless you want to) but instead think what you like to do and take it up. If there are multiple options maybe you could take the gayest one.

    Many of my straight friends have found a partner through classical or latin dances. Not sure if those in particular attract gays but at least the group instructor has with my friends been invariably a hot latin dude. Not sure though if you find age appropriate dance groups though.
     
  6. beowoolf

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    If it helps I'm 22 years old and have never had a relationship, ever. Never so much as held hands with someone or kissed someone.

    You're not alone. You just gotta be patient. You sound like a pretty awesome person (and not bad-looking either). I think a key thing to remember (and I struggle with this) is be secure about your singleness. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being single. There's nothing wrong or "broken" with you. You just have your own schedule and I have mine. When I was your age dating didn't even cross my mind; I didn't start looking until first year of university and, flash forward 3ish years, I find out that, WHOOPS, I'm kinda gay and that's just opened up a whole new world for me! I say you're ahead of the game by realizing your sexuality early. Good things will come!
     
  7. ANerdWhoCares

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    After another rejection today, and reading of these comments, the message I'm getting from this is that at my age, unless fate's feeling generous, its not gonna happen. As much as it pains me, im probably giving up. :tears:
     
  8. Theatertennis17

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    I'm a freshmen in college, and I had the same feelings in high school. I just wanted a normal love life in high school like everyone else was having, and honestly it is so hard in high school. I know plenty of people that found a boyfriend in high school and they were happy as can be, and then there's others, like me, who was looking all though high school and never found anyone. Honestly age doesn't matter in my opinion its all about your surroundings. You very well could find a very nice guy to date tomorrow and date him for years and be extremely happy, but don't think that just because you are in high school doesn't mean you don't deserve love too. Give it time, you will find someone - whether that be in high school, or college, or after college. If you ever need to talk through this more feel free to message me. I know plenty about being single and lonely in high school lol.