So I'm in year 11 at school (16 years old) and I have amazing friends which support me ever since I came out to them this year. The thing now is, one of those friends recently came up to me and told me that he is bisexual. I am so happy for him and supported him a lot but the thing is, he only told me that he thinks that he is bi because he experimented with my other friend and told me that he enjoyed it. (They only kissed and hugged though.) So I don't know if he is bi, I beleive him and support him but I don't know if he has thought of spending his life with another man. What do you think?
I get what you mean totally. I had a friend who also claimed she was bisexual, but had no real experience with girls, not even kissing or hugging, and who always seemed very straight otherwise. Later, she decided she wasn't bi, after all, as I had been suspecting. Yours is a different situation. First off, this is a guy we're talking about, not a girl. Girls have much more fluid sexualities, partly because of the culture they're raised in; guys are expected to act very masculine, as masculine as possible, and part of that lies in cultivating a heterosexuality so het that homosexuality isn't even considered, because any signs of gayness are often (unfortunately) read as a lack of manliness, as a betrayal of the culture of straight males. This means that even more so than between two girls, experimentation between two guys implies a significant amount of seriousness on the part of the two guys involved: they're risking a lot in the way of their own self-esteem and the esteem of their peers, just doing that. Your friend said he not only experimented with this guy, but liked it. He liked it enough to definitively tell you he liked it. That suggests to me more than a passing fancy, though you may be right that he will end up identifying as something else. Usually, when one first begins realizing one's sexuality, one doesn't think rationally about all the implications - the feelings come first. Therefore, he may just now be at the point of "Hey! I like kissing guys!" while the deep self-questioning phases may come later, if he has not, indeed, already seriously contemplated the question you posed. When I realized my own sexuality, it took me a long time to get to that stage: it took me a while just to realize that, yes, I am indeed attracted to girls, so considering if I really wanted to identify as homosexual all my life and marry a girl and have kids with two moms and so forth was completely out of the question at that point. In short, I'd say you shouldn't take your friend's revelation too lightly. I don't know him, but it sounds to me like if he's telling the truth about everything, there is some real evidence toward him being at least not straight. Wait and see how things develop; he may change his mind, but as long as he says he's bisexual, I would believe him. I'm so glad you have all the support you need and that, in turn, you are passing on this support to your friend. Keep being awesome!
I think you should just take your friends words as they are and see how it goes. He may be bi or he may not be but he only can know it. If you go over to the ''later in life'' board you'll realize that A LOT of people never acknowledge /realize they are gay or bi until being married and settled with someone of the opposite sex. There are also a lot of people who just know they are gay/bi without even needing to have sex/a relationship with the same-sex to confirm that they are. Each experience is unique. I thought I was straight for a very long-time. Acknowledging my sexuality took me years and accepting it a couple more. There was a point were I was definitely attracted to girls and could acknowledge it but couldn't for the love of God picture myself dating a girl, that just seemed odd, but the more accepting I got to my own sexuality the more easily I could picture myself dating a woman, marrying one, raising children with one etc... It took years, I was still bi then just hadn't full-on accepted it. I think this is awesome that your friend is already that comfortable with his sexuality and I can't see why we should doubt his words. He is young and self-exploring right now, so he may be bi or may not but I am sure if he is not bi he'll say so and will simply revert back to dating solely girls, no biggie really. I would just keep on supporting him and embrace him regardless of what his sexuality turns out to be.
I agree with Linning.... At 16 I was pretty sure I was bisexual but hadn't experienced until just a few months ago and I'm quite sure now and still in the relationship. Support you're friend no matter where it goes... that's what friends are for.
