Is he gay (or bi) or am I just overthinking it?

Hi ,

There is a guy in my school who I am worried about. (I'll refer to him as Andy) For some context, I am a 16 year old guy who in Year 11 of an all boys school. I am also fairly sure that I am bi (somewhere between 2.5 and 5 on the Kinsey scale). Andy is the same age as me and in the same class and I haven't told him yet that I am bi. We used to be best friends at the start of high school but over the 5 years since the start of high school, we have become more distant. However, we still talk to each other regularly and I would say that we are still good friends.

The main reason I think that Andy is gay is that in his group of friends he is called "gay", "gay boy" and other terms that frankly are quite homophobic (my school is generally very homophobic). But when Andy is called these names, he doesn't even refute them or put up any resistance. In fact he kind of embraces it to the extent that he has told a couple of girls outside of our school that me and him are "boyfriends". (They don't actually know that I am bi :dry This had let me to think for a while that he is actually gay - or bi at least.

However, last month Andy got himself a girlfriend which confused me so I decided to ask if him he was actually gay or not. When I asked him, he refused to give me an answer at first and told me to just "believe what I want to believe". Eventually, he said that he is straight and just pretends to be gay. However, he tends to be quite secretive and lie about a lot of things so I wasn't actually sure if he was actually saying the truth or just lying to shut me up.

But recently, Andy has been quite depressed and unusually quiet. Also his friend (who is quite homophobic) has told him seriously on several occasions that "he is not gay" which is unusual as he is normally the one to call him gay. This lead me to think that perhaps
Andy is questioning and his friend is trying to tell him that he can't be gay. When I was seriously questioning my sexuality my parents told me that I couldn't possibly be into guys. This was really unhelpful and quite upsetting and I would hate for Andy to be going through the same thing.

What should I do? I am uncertain whether to approach him ask about sexuality because I have already asked him before and I am not even sure whether he is actually gay. But at the same time I am concerned as a friend because if he is in fact questioning, then having people saying that you can't be gay is counter-productive and hurtful. I am also reluctant to tell him that I am bi, in case he is straight and he tells everyone else.

Is there anyone who can relate to this or has any advice on what do?

Thanks (Sorry for the long post)

 

Thanks, I tried talking to him today but as usual he just changes the topic before giving a proper answer. I think I also have the tendency to try and fix everyone else's lives but I am probably just going to have to give up on Andy. Although we are close, I still don't want to risk coming out to him because he his friends with quite a lot of homophobic people and if word got out, then my school life will probably be ruined. It's sad seeing him so depressed but hopefully time will sort things out as it always does.