At the beginning of February I met a guy through a gay hookup app (the one that for some reason seems to get deleted on this site whenever people type it out). I wasn't really looking for anything than chatting but then we exchanged some picks and he asked me to come over to his house. I said I wasn't comfortable doing anal with a stranger, but he said that was fine and we could do other stuff. I was a bit nervous, but he was really hot so I drove over to his house. When I got there we chatted a bit before "doing it" and we seemed to connect pretty well. He said he had a great time and he wanted to see me again. A few hours later I checked the hookup app and noticed his profile was gone. At first I thought he just blocked me. But then the next day I got a text message from him saying he wanted to take me out to dinner. So we planned to have dinner later that weekend. In the few days leading up to our dinner date I went over to his house a few times. We chatted about our interests, watched some movies and TV shows together and cuddled on the couch. Some of the times I went over we didn't even do anything sexual, we just hung out. He kept telling me I was adorable and started talking about dating and how he hasn't opened up to a guy in awhile. Deep down I started getting excited because for the first time in my life I found a guy I really liked and he seemed to really like me in return. He told me he deleted the hookup app and that he didn't want to deal with that anymore. We had our dinner date at a nice Italian restaurant and hung out a few times after that. The Friday before Valentine's Day he told me I could spend the night on Saturday. After I got off work on Saturday I went to his house and he gave me a stuffed animal as a present for Valentine's day. Normally I don't like "cute" things like that, but I admired the intent so much that the gift made me very happy. We then baked cookies, watched a movie and then had sex. In addition to being really good in bed, one of the things I liked about this guy was that, unlike most of the guys I had sex with, I felt good after the sex. Usually I would feel depressed, used and guilty, but with this guy I felt better about myself. Anyway, the next morning (Valentine's Day) he left to go help out at a church and I left to go to work. I ended up buying him his favorite ice cream and got him a card since I didn't give him a Valentine's Day gift the previous night and I felt bad. I delivered it to his house and he said thank you. He told me to text him when I got off work. So I did. He didn't respond after an hour. Since I made sudden plans to leave town for the next two days (I had errands to run), and since a snowstorm was coming I ended up calling him to let him know I would be gone and we wouldn't be able to hang out the next day. He said he would call me later in the week and told me that it was sweet of me to get the ice cream for him. So I don't hear from him all week. Not a big deal, except for the fact that the entire two weeks before Valentine's Day he would text me a few times a day (filled with cute emoticons I might add). I didn't send him any messages because I figured he would call or text me when he was ready. But then after a week with no messages I began to get worried that something bad happened to him or that he was having second thoughts about our potential relationship. So on Saturday I text him once saying "Hey, you doing anything tomorrow?" and get no response. The next day he calls me in the afternoon and apologized. He said he was feeling sick all week and hadn't been texting anyone. He then said we should try to find a time to meet later in the week. The next day, after looking through my work schedule, I told him Saturday would work and we agreed to meet then. Well on Saturday (Feb. 27th), I end up leaving some friends and family from my hometown and drive back to my current town so that I can meet up with Shaun. I wanted to hang out with some of the friends I hadn't seen in awhile, but I didn't want to back out on a date. However I never receive a call from Shaun. Since he hadn't really texted me the past week I didn't want to text him to remind him since I figured if he really wanted to meet up he would text or call me when he is ready. But by 9 p.m. I finally call him and he doesn't answer. He instead sends me a text message saying he cant talk and is at his mother's for the weekend. At this point I'm kind of pissed that he didn't let me know he was canceling since I could have stayed in my hometown and actually have enjoyed myself that weekend. So I don't call or text him and he doesn't call or text me for the next week. During this time I'm slowly beginning to fear/realize that I am in the process of being ghosted. I kept trying to come up with excuses in my head for why that may not be the case and that I am being paranoid. But then last week I decided to redownload the hookup app just to see if maybe he was on it. He was. I never sent him a message, but within 2 minutes of being on the app I know he saw my profile and blocked me. The next day I sent him a message just asking how he has been. Never got a response. That was a week ago. Obviously he either isn't into me anymore or he did like me, but wants to hook up with other guys more. That's fine. It sucks because I liked him, but I understand that's the way life works. What I don't get is why the time we spent together was so utterly meaningless that I am not even worth the effort it takes to send a single text message saying "this aint working out". Slowly I've been realizing that it's not the rejection that hurts me, but it's the fact that I am so worthless to him that he wouldn't even give me the decency of an explanation. And the lack of closure is MADDENING!! I have no idea if his change of heart was due to something I did, something going on in his personal life, issues with his friends or family or him simply just getting bored. I don't know if he is ignoring me because he's a coward, because he's confused or if he's just a straight up asshole. And because there has been no official closure, no final confrontation, nothing written, it's kind of plagued my mind the past few weeks. Like if I could just hear him say "We are done" I'd be fine, but right now everything feels like it's been left hanging. I really wish I could just hate the guy. That would make everything easier. But I have hard time reconciling the asshole who just ignored me with the really nice and sweet guy I met when I was in person. There was absolutely no build up to his sudden change. There were no signs at all. It just came out of nowhere. Part of me feels like maybe dating would help me, but the truth is I just don't feel like it. Last week I tried having a casual hookup and I just felt like crap afterwards. It really sucks. Even though I probably only knew this guy for two weeks, those two weeks were the most I've ever had with a guy. Growing up in high school and college I never really allowed myself to develop crushes on guys since I knew they were probably straight and it was hopeless. After I came out of the closet in 2015 and started integrating myself into the gay community, every guy I slept with was either just looking for a hookup, or was someone I wasn't personally into. So the one time I finally allow my heart to feel something ... :bang::tears::bang: What should I do in this situation?
