So I haven't been on here in a long time, but I needed to vent and I didn't know where else to do it. I saw my father today for the first time in two years. In those two years I've changed a lot, in a lot of ways. And one of those ways is that I no longer try to hide who I am. I'm out and I'm proud and never once have I regretted being open about who I am - it's made me a more confident person, with much closer friendships, and I don't have the stress of trying to keep a secret (which because I'm neurodivergent I find really hard). However, I have never even considered telling my father - he once told me if either of his children turned out gay he'd 'rather stay in blissful ignorance'. And since he decides to contact me maybe once a year tops, I don't really care enough to break his bubble. Except. Today I'm studying when I get a phone call out of the blue. It's my father and he's trying to see my horse, which has just had major surgery and doesn't need the stress of someone who is stupid enough to think a highly strung horse who hasn't seen him in 7 years will be fine with him bothering him. So I went to the stables. Cue the man who walked out on his family seven years ago and has barely contacted them since trying to pretend we're a happy family, and me trying to ignore the many homophobic jokes he's spewing at me. I'm proud of who I am, and I don't ever like to hide it. But I feel like he doesn't deserve that knowledge about me. That he doesn't deserve to know who I am. (Stupid, I know.) I have to see him again tomorrow - my brother wants to see him and I like to be there as a buffer because if my father is directing his anger at me, he isn't directing it at my brother (who still holds out hope that our father loves us), but I'm honestly not sure if I can hold my tongue through one more homophobic joke. :help:
I'm not telling you to like or even pretend to like your father. It sounds like he was not exactly the UK's dad of the year. However, it might be emotionally easier for you to accept the way he is if you consider what kind of life he had. To me it sounds like he has emotional issues himself which probably are a big explanatory factor in his behavior. Having said that there is obviously no obligation or need for you to hang out with him if you don't want and there is no reason to pretend or tell him anything you don't want to. It may be that your father doesn't love your family or then he just has huge emotional issues that prevent him from expressing that properly. There is no need for you to listen to your father's BS and it is OK to point it out to him. Just try to remain calm even if he throws a tantrum. See him as the petty person he is and don't sink to his level. If he makes you in anyway uncomfortable tell him that the most non-impassionate and professional way you can.
