I'm currently in year 12 in sixth form, there's this kid, let's call him G. He really gets on my nerves, and he's the stereotypical gay. (I don't even know if he is gay) He wears a loose jumper and has his hair in one of those 'swaggy' styles like his hair flows upward. He has this look on his face like a semi-permanent pout and his voice is really girly. all his tendencies are gay and his laugh... well you know what I mean. He always makes sassy remarks. every time I see him all I think to myself is what a F@G and effing G@Y boy. this really isn't right. the thing is I'm not a girly gay guy, you wouldn't know I was gay unless I tell you how can I stop thinking of him this way (I think it stems from the fact I'm not interested in girly guys and some homophobia. I also had a run in with a girly guy which I think has made me hate them) How do I stop thinking of girly guys as f@gs since this is unacceptable and just plain wrong I hope you don't start thinking of me as homophobic :icon_sad: maybe I should have posted this anonymously
Um, well, usually you're not going to change your ways until you meet a "girly guy" that you get a long with and have it slowly come over you that wow, he's a person just like anyone else and just expresses himself differently and that's not wrong at all. You don't have to love every single feminine expressing queer person you meet. you can have your preferences, just don't be a dick. I'd go against saying these sorts of things out loud since you'll come off as a hypocritical ass. And to be honest i woukdnt be surprised if you probably get a little flak here too. And remember that there's a difference between being hateful because of bigotry and intolerance, and being hateful because the person in question is being a bad person. If the kids a douche with his remarks where they are more passive aggressive and insulting than funny/sassy, dislike him all you want.
I would never call him those things in public out loud or to him. maybe I should try and befriend him. its not the fact I don't like him but the fact that I think if him as a f@g instead of an idiot or an a@@hole
This is interesting, but not really surprising. Our whole lives we're told to value femininity less than masculinity, queer people less than straight people, trans people less than cis people, people of color less than white people, etc. We internalize these terrible ideas, and sometimes this is how it shows. I get how this is distressing. I think it's probably not due to personal experiences with feminine men, or not being attracted to them. I think it's just internalized homophobia and misogyny (valuing femininity less than masculinity). Maybe try journaling about how much you respect feminine men? Or talk to people about how homophobia and misogyny are problematic. The more you act in line with your values, I think thoughts like these will become less frequent.
I don't think I have anything useful to say to change your mindset. However, I do want to say that no one should give you shit about how you feel. Feelings are by very definition something that we cannot consciously change by a simple decision. It's an entirely different thing to express those feelings in public in a way that would make someone feel bad which you are not doing. Don't feel guilty about it but I think it's useful for you to try to find the root of these feelings. This has probably nothing to do with the person in question but everything to do about you and your subconscious. Maybe you are not entirely comfortable about being gay and this is sort of a defense reaction where you tell yourself that at least you are not feminine like him so that would not make you so gay. I don't know.
