I'm 17, and livng in western Sydney. I'm my life I've known two other gay people, neither of which I've been able to connect with. There seems to be so, so few gay people at all within this region of Sydney. I've hoped in the past to be able to meet someone, but it's never happened, so this is something I wrote and thought I'd put out there: I hate how I always feel excluded from everything, now matter what it is. I always feel like I can't ever truly fit in somewhere, particularly because I'm always trying to distance myself from other people and not to let them get to know me. In the past, I've mentioned to three people that I'm gay. The first and third people don't talk to me anymore, whereas the second one still does, but even that's declining a lot. With a track record like that, I don't fell like I can ever say it, even when people might ask occasionally or when I feel like I need to get something related to it off me chest and off my mind. Just about everyone makes remarks that get to me about homosexuals and homosexuality and I don't ever feel comfortable in that environment because it's as though I'll always be sticking out from the rest of people. This whole thing about not being able to be myself continues into me missing out on the opportunities and experiences people have at our age and never again. Everyone else can grow up relatively secure in their families and social settings, because people expect everyone to be heterosexual automatically, placing a burden on people to 'come out'. There shouldn't be any kind of pressure on people to do so - it's really lopsided because homosexual youths feel cornered unless they "come out', at which point they can face physical issues, not just psychological, mental and emotional ones. Verbal abuse, threats and physical violence perpetrated towards homosexuals is so significantly higher than that to heterosexuals that it really is alarming. Especially considering it's almost always heterosexuals that are doing these things. There's an issue when every day, I don't want to get out if bed; not because I'm lazy or tired, but because I don't want to face people throughout the day, knowing that some jab or remark will be coming on a pretty consistent basis throughout the whole day. Every day, I don't want to be myself - there have been so many days where I just wish so much that I'm heterosexual so I don't have to deal with all these issues being homosexual presents. I'm not strong enough to deal with it and I don't think anyone can fully evade any impact from these issues, whether psychological or physically. The scars are there. You don't have to look hard because they're both physical, from harming myself, and psychological, from these years of what, to me, has been absolute tortuous loneliness.
Hey there. I know how you're feeling. I've written a lot of stuff like that actually. I basically regularly "journal" before bed, but I do it on a password protected word document. Just talking it through with myself really helps, since I don't have anyone I can confide in. I'm not saying you're like me in this respect, but I know that I have a tendency to isolate myself based on my fear that other people are thinking bad things about me, or they dislike me, or I'm annoying them, etc. Most often, people aren't thinking anything bad about me - just like I'm not thinking anything bad about them. So I constantly have to remind myself to ignore those fears, and when I do that I feel much less lonely and more included. I am very lucky to live in an environment that is relatively safe for gay people. My parents are open minded and have raised me in such a way that I feel confident in my values and my beliefs about what constitutes as right or wrong. As such, when straight people are bothered by homosexuality, I just don't care. I really don't care what they think of me. As long as I feel safe, I'll live my life and they can live theirs. It doesn't matter if you're straight or gay - not everyone will agree with your lifestyle or like you. That's a fact of life. So why bother worrying about it? It very much sucks that your friends have disappointed you. They've disappointed me too. It hurts when it's someone close to you. But you know what? You ARE strong enough. No, we can't completely evade any of the obstacles that come along with homosexuality. But you're strong enough to overcome them, to even embrace them. And you're seventeen. I know you've heard it before, but it really really really does get better. It does. I'm only 3 years older than you, and the place where I am today with my sexuality and happiness is COMPLETELY different than the place I was at three years ago. I can't say I know much about what the gay community is like in Sydney. Are there other places you could live that would be more gay-friendly? It can definitely be lonely when you feel like there's no one you can connect with and relate to. I don't deny that. But I encourage you to keep your chin up, because you'll find those people. And if you ever need anything or just want someone to talk to and relate with, please just send me a message. We're all here for you.
As a fellow Sydneysider, I feel your pain. I feel it's particularly painful how we have the Mardi Gras here to celebrate everyone in this community, and yet there is such rife discrimination, not only in our city, but in our country. It's frustrating hearing about all the wonderful groups in other cities (particularly American ones) like PFLAG, and knowing we don't have that solid community base here. At least we have Newtown and the surrounding Inner West, which is seemingly a lot more accepting and inclusive. If you take anything from this gripe, take this: there's more than just you, trust me, no matter where you go, there will be others like you.
Im actually surprised, I mean I live in Adelaide and from what I see from here, you have a booming community! I think id recommend moving out to Melbourne, theres heaps of things there
