My story (about my friend and I)

Hi there! At first I would like to give you a little warning; this is going to be a long story! I just have a feeling that I have to tell someone about this situation. Some of my friends know, so it's not like I've no-one to talk about it, but still... Maybe I want to know what people think about this and what they would do in my situation? And I'm sorry if my text is a bit hard to understand, English is not my native language, so there will most likely be some grammar mistakes etc.

So, I'm a 24 years old bisexual woman. When I was young I only fell for guys, but around my 18 birthday I realised that I liked girls as well. Lately, I've been falling in love with women a lot more than men, and it's fine. My family and most of my friends are familiar with the idea that I might have a girlfriend in the future, and they have been very supportive. However, I've never been on a relationship with a woman before, and with a man only once.

In the past 5 years I've fell for many different women and most of them have been so called impossible crushes. There has been one a lot older straight woman, an asexual girl and a friend who turned me down, but we are still friends. All of these crushes have been quite huge, but not that I've gotten over them I've realised, that none of those things would have worked after all.

Now, let's get to the point; a couple of years ago I met a woman that turned out to be a "crush of a lifetime". We were working in a same place a couple of months, she was a part of a staff and I was one of the workers that were hired to help the company during the summer. At first, I didn't really like her. She was a silent and a little grumpy one, and it was a bit difficult to approach her. I usually make friends easily, but she was a different thing, so I decided not to bother and let her be. Then, she suddenly started to talk to me more, and I realised that she was actually pretty nice person. As the summer went by, we started to become friends and I was happy about that. I found out that she was a few years older than me, but that was ok, I've a lot of older and younger friends.

When the summer and my work ended I realised that I'd miss her. We had many fun moments during that summer and I enjoyed her company, even though she was a little reserved. During the final meeting with the staff of the company (they took us to a restaurant as a thank you for a job well done) I was a bit sad that now I had to "give her up". I realised that I had started to feel something more towards her, but I was too afraid to ask if she would like to stay in contact. Luckily, she surprised me and asked if she could add me as her Facebook friend when that restaurant evening ended and we were walking towards my car. I naturally gave her a permission to do that (I had tried to find her out there before, but she has so common name that I was unsuccessful), and so I didn't have to give her up.

A couple of months went by, and we sent a couple of messages back and forth, but nothing else happened during that time. Before Christmas I gathered my courage and asked if she would like to meet. She said yes and we went to a cafe and talked over three hours about ourselves. This was the first time that we had a bit deeper conversations, and I found out that she was a single etc. which, naturally, made me happy. I also told her that I'm a bisexual and she took it nicely (I wasn't sure if she liked girls, even though I had suspected so for a while). When it was time to go she even gave me a Christmas present, and that was something I could have never expected!

After that we started to meet each other about once in a month, sometimes more often. During that time we get to know each other better and I really enjoyed our colorful conversations. Sometimes we simply went to a cafe, and sometimes we did something fun like went to bowling and walked in parks etc. She has even come to visit my parents a couple of times and lately we have been spending time on my apartment. We like to discuss about human behaviour and we do all kinds of personality tests and compare those results with each other.

Lately, I've realised that this woman could be a woman of my life. Even though we are quite different personalities (she is an introvert and I'm extrovert, for example) we share a lot of same values in life and we have always fun. It's been a pleasure for me to see that she has opened up during this time, and she acts much more naturally on my company then she did before. First, it was me who started those conversations and asked questions, but now it's her more and more often.

The thing is, that we are still friends, but at least I've fell for her, and as the time goes by, my feelings are only growing stronger. I just have the feeling that there is something special in this, which may sound silly. I've been thinking about this situation a lot and I feel like I really could have something more with her. I'm really just not sure how to approach her... I know now that she is at least bisexual, maybe even a lesbian, but she has also told me that she isn't that interested in relationships... We've talked about thing like these a little, and it seems that she isn't completely against the idea that she would have one someday, but she isn't really trying to find anyone.

I've hinted that I'm interested in her, but she doesn't seem to get those hints... Or maybe my hints aren't clear enough, I wouldn't be surprised if that's the case, since I'm a bit careful about this. She has become a really good friend and I don't want to lose her. If I just told this to her she would propably become scared and recede. I'm patient and I know that I should move slowly, but then again, I'd really like that things would actually go somewhere! Sometimes I have a feeling that she might like me as well, but then again, those may only be my hopeful wishes...

There, that's the situation I'm in now. I'd have so much more to say, and I may write something more in the future, but now I've no time. Feel free to comment if you have any thoughts about this and any advice is very welcome

 

Thanks for your reply Systems! But I must correct one thing: She didn't tell me exactly that she isn't looking for relationship, at least not like that. Because of these language "barriers" it's pretty hard to explain how that really went, but I'll try: we did one personality test and talked about the results. One part that described romance etc. was brought up and then se told me this (I'll translate what she wrote):
"I've never felt a burning desire to be in a relationship. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I value my own space."

Then we talked about this and afterwards we have been talking about relationships in general and she again stated that she isn't that "desperate" that she would like, make a profile to a dating website and try to find someone.

And I do value our friendship alot, and I know that I'd be almost perfectly happy to be her friend only, if nothing else was not meant to become out of this. Still, if there is a chance that this might turn to become something more, I'd really like to find it out :3 But thank you again!

 

Thank you again Systems! I know that I've found a very special friend, and just having her as one makes me happy. But yeah, who knows, maybe there could be something more? I guess I just have to be patient enough and take slow steps to see, what will happen, and if things start to go wrong, then I'll give up and be happy with what we already have. This is all in all, a really curious case. She isn't a friend to whom I'd tell my deepest secrets (at least not yet), but still she is currently the person with whom I like to spend my time the most.

Thanks for your comment idsm! That introverted thing is exactly what I'm hoping that is going on, that she is just too shy to take those first steps. Well, it seems like I'm too shy as well, since I've learned to be more careful about these things because I've been too bold before, and that has only worked out badly for me. Still, if I think about her being an introvert, she has actually done some things during this time that people like her usually won't do, for example: It was actually her, who started to talk to me back at work, because I had thought that she just doesn't want to talk to anyone. Then she was the one who asked about that Facebook thing, while I didn't dare to do anything. I've mentioned to her that it was a bit curious that she was the one who broke the barriers and she just said that yeah, she usually waits for others to take those first steps. So, I could presume that she saw something in me at least, because why would she do those things if she didn't? She doesn't make friends easily, she has said so, and all those few friends she has have been around for over 10 years.

And then, she is always the one who says "Let's keep contact and see, when we could meet again!" when it's time to say goodbye. Well, it's usually me who will then take contact after a while, but still, it's just not her style to do that, and she will always say yes, if she doesn't really have something else to do. Usually, I've been thinking that after we have just met she wants to spend some time alone/doing other things and I've waited at least a couple of weeks before I've proposed the next meeting. However, now she has surprised me a few times by saying that she could meet me next week, and I'm like "whoa, so soon!". Naturally, I've nothing against that, I could see her everyday, but knowing how she is, I respect her need to spend time alone without anything being planned.

This summer I'm going to work on that company again, where she is still working, and she seems to be excited about it. Then we both go to gym as a hobby (not the same one though), but now when the summer comes I'm not able to go to my usual gym, because it's too far away from our workplace. She has sort of advertised the gym where she is so many times and asked what I'm going to do about the fact that I won't be able to go to my gym that I've gotten a feeling that she would like for me to go to gym with her. That's definitely something to consider.

Ok, about that "getting closer": We have hugged a few times, and usually it has been me, who has initiated those hugs (I hugged her at the end of our working summer, then before the Christmas, and then once when she actually asked me to come to movies with her), but once it was actually her who did it, and it was such a huge gesture coming from her! It was before this Christmas when we said goodbye and I was just thinking that I'd love to hug her now when she surprised me and approached before I did a thing. But I know that she isn't that cuddly person, because she values that own space of hers. Still, she doesn't seem to mind if our hands touch accidentically, for example etc. I've been also thinking about that sleepover, she could come to my place and stay the night there, but she has to wake up so early every morning because of her work, that she wants to remain home where she can sleep a little longer. We don't actually spend time during later evening because she has to go home before long, so that she could get at least some sleep. When she has a day off she wants to stay at home, again one of her introverted traits. But, we have been planning to do a couple of short trips together, which require us to spend a night somewhere together, so maybe then I'll see, how that will turn out :3

 

Re: My story (about my friend and I)(Updated)

I felt a need to write an update about this situation, since there has been so much positive progress going on during these two months! Once again, I'm sorry for these foolish grammar mistakes that lurk their way to my text (I spotted quite a few when I read my former text again now...).

So, now I've been working on the same company as her for over two weeks. Before I started it we met a couple of times and she teased me about the fact that I'll work for them again. She claimed that she would put me to do all those ”nasty” things that I do not like that much etc. Of course I knew that she didn't really mean it, but the way she actually has behaved during these couple of weeks have been something I didn't really expect. She has been so nice to me; she has helped me out more than once and taught me some things that I needed to know. She usually hates to teach these new summer workers, so that was quite huge! Well, of course we are friends, but still, she has told me that she prefers to work alone and doesn't like to tell people what they should do etc.

Last week we had so nice time at work! We were both on a duty at the same time for four days and we needed to walk around a amusementpark and check that everything is going smoothly in there. Usually these two duty officers walk their own rounds on different parts of the park and that's it. However, she offered that we could do these rounds together rather than on our own, and that, of course, warmed my heart. I heard that she has done this before with her sister, when she was also working in this company a while, but after that she has always made these rounds alone, so I felt myself quite special, because she wanted to work with me and not by herself.

During these four days we had a lot of time to talk about almost everything. At the first day she jokingly said that ”Let's see if I can stand your constant talking all this time! Maybe I'll just remain silent during the last day,” but in reality, she actually brought up at least as much topics as I did. I even tried to be more quiet at times, because I thought that she doesn't want to talk all the time, but then she always started it after a while.

One day we had a deep conversation about sexuality and relationships etc. I finally found out that she is indeed a lesbian (before I just thought so) and we discussed about how we both found out that we liked girls and when it happened etc. After that she has become much more open about the topic, and she has even joked about our sexuality many times. And then we talked about how we became friends and she admitted that she was surprised that I wanted to keep in touch with her. If she only knew... All in all, those four days seemed to make us a bit closer than before. We have been sending messages to each other much more than before, almost daily, and now I'm not always the one who starts it. Yesterday, we spent over an hour talking through Facebook, and that has never happened before.

On my last update on this topic I spoke about the possibility for us to go to the same gym together. Well, now that's reality, since we went to that gym together, and I decided to start to work out there. All in all, things have gone so nice lately that I feel myself so lucky! We even planned to go to a zoo together next friday, and she really surprised me by suggesting that we could meet her sister and her sisters husband, since we are going to the town where they live. And she even invited me to stop by her house a bit over a week ago, which has never happened before! And I met her mother back then. All of these things have been such a huge gestures coming from her, since she is such a strong introvert who values her own space and prefers to spend her spare time alone. I, personally, thought that I'd never get to meet her familymembers, but I'm happy to admit that I was wrong about that.

Today we had, again, one of those duty days, and she had bought us some chocolate. Then, during one brake we went to a nearby shore and simply sat there for a while, talking about things. That was such a magical moment! I felt a nice tension in the air when we were silent for a while. If I was any braver, I would have moved closer and kissed her, but of course I didn't dare to do that... Still, I've recently become more an more confident that there is some true potential in this, that maybe one day we could be more than friends. Anyway, this is how the things are going on right now. I'm a bit nervous about the upcoming friday, because of that zoo/sister meeting trip.

Thank you for reading my text and feel free to comment or make some suggestions about how I should move on with this situation

 

Hi there!

I just had to update this old thread of mine, because of such a wonderful turn of events; Me and this friend of mine are a couple now, have been for over a month! It's still pretty hard for me to believe that I she actually responded to my feelings, but oh well, I quess that miracles do happen then

I'll tell you shortly how this finally worked out, because I'm just so happy that I have to share it;
During the summer everything between us seemed to change. We started to send messages to each other almost daily and did many trips together on our day offs to different places, zoos, waterparks etc. She even came to my place and stayed over night a couple of times. When we were working together we would spend all the time with each other and sometimes we met after the work as well. It was easy to see that we really grew closer during that time, and I was more and more convinced that she could actually feel something for me as well. Still, I wasn't brave enough to take that last step and tell her. We talked about relationships more and I found out that she indeed dreamed to have one one day, but at the same time it was a scary thought for her.

Finally, one evening we were talking on Facebook and she then admitted that she had known for a long time that I had feelings for her. She had just been unsure about her own feelings, so she never let me know that. She thought that my crush would fade away with time, but well, it didn't. When I asked her if the fact that I liked her bothered her, she just said that at first it did, but not anymore. She confessed that she had actually fallen for me during this summer when we spent so much time together. We then decided to try this out and see, what would happen...

Now, a bit over a month later I feel happier than ever. A couple of days after our confessions we had our first kiss, and then we started to see each other almost every day, even though I'm not working on that company anymore, because the summer season ended. I told about my new relationship to most of my friends and they are all really happy for me. I also told my mother, stepfather and little sister, and they took it very nicely. She has also told about me to a couple of her friends, and her sister and sisters husband know as well, which is nice. I'm so full of joy and I knew that this will be something that will last for a long time, because we both are that kind of persons who take these things very seriously (that's maybe one reason why it took so long before we had courage to finally bond). All in all, that was my story, which is, actually, only just beginning <3

 

Thank you so much to both of you!