1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

I think this guy has crush on me - I'm not really into dudes.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Hachi, Mar 21, 2016.

  1. Hachi

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2015
    Messages:
    48
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Pittsburgh
    Gender:
    Female
    So I have been feeling pretty bad about myself in recent months because long story short, I'm pretty gay but I am in a relationship with a guy. He is my best friend and so I am happy with him, and I usually just sort of put up with sex (I don't loathe it). He knows this about me and accepts it etc. Just wants what's best for me.

    So I decided to go to a GSA meeting at my college, and I feel like it was a mistake. They asked that I define my sexuality right there on the spot, to which I felt uncomfortable saying lesbian because I am, after all, dating a guy. So I ended up saying bi, but this apparently was taken the wrong way.

    Now there is a guy from this club messaging me more often than I'd like, and I don't know what to do. While I wouldn't mind having LGBTQ friends to feel some commonality with and just sort of discuss what we're going through, I think this guy has other intentions. Though he is harmless and isn't being too forward (he knows I am in a relationship) he still is seemingly messaging me much more often than I'd like. He keeps inviting me to hang out, which, I wouldn't mind doing so if I felt like he wasn't acting like something more is happening between us.

    What should I do? I am both amused and frustrated that at a GSA meeting a guy seems to have taken a shine to me.
     
  2. resu

    Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2013
    Messages:
    4,968
    Likes Received:
    395
    Location:
    Oklahoma City
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    That's too bad you were asked to define yourself immediately; you might talk with the coordinators about how it made you feel uncomfortable. Also, in the future you could use a Kinsey scale number like a 4 since that would be closer to your stated orientation.

    As for the guy you met, you could just be upfront that you're not sure of his intentions and that you are only interested in friendship (though, it seems a lot of smitten people read too much into that word...). Then, it's just a matter of you reviewing the situation to see if the potential friendship is worth the potential awkwardness of him crushing harder on you.
     
  3. TXTurbo90

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2016
    Messages:
    152
    Likes Received:
    6
    Location:
    CO
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Do you happen to know if the guy in question identifies as Bisexual or Gay?

    The reason that I ask is that I know when I was coming to terms with my sexuality, I desperately wanted to make some friends that were in a similar situation as myself. If he doesn't have many friends from isolating himself from others in fear of being "outed", he could just really want a woman who he can talk to and connect with on a platonic level.

    On a personal note... I find talking to women about my sexuality much easier than other men. When a guy is closeted, often times that person is not able to have many friends of the opposite sex as his shyness makes many women see him as "creepy". (from what I have witnessed)

    If you don't mind me asking, what specifically is he doing that gives you the idea that he sees it as more than a friendship? If it was me, I would just remind him that you are in a monogamous relationship, and that you are only interested in a "platonic relationship" with him (if you are interested in having him as a friend)
     
  4. cakepiecookie

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 18, 2015
    Messages:
    326
    Likes Received:
    7
    Location:
    Somewhere
    Annoying!

    I don't think there's any easy way around it except to be honest with him. Message him and say that his attention is making you a bit uncomfortable and that you want him to back off. People like that don't take subtle hints.