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My Husbands Nephew

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by father76, Mar 22, 2016.

  1. father76

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    hey guys I have a situation. my husbands 26 year old nephew lives with us, he has been with us since I met my husband 2 years ago. he has actually been with my husband since his birth practically, but that's another story.

    Well this is the situation, he is kind of.... ok, not kind of... he is very messy I mean his room has this strong weird odor and he has 2 pits living in his room, so the room is a mess, you can only imagine what is in that room the list is too long and I don't want to gross anyone out, I don't even want to pass by the room, more less go in it. Then he goes into our room and he uses my husbands deodorant, and uses our sink to brush his teeth, and he leaves a mess (and he has a bathroom outside his room, I don't know why he doesn't use it)... he has even gone to our closet and gets my clothes and not just a shirt or a pair of pants, no pants, shirt, underwear, and socks, and just puts them on like if its his. I have already told my husband this and he says i'll talk to him, but I know he doesn't because he is afraid of his own nephew, and the reason for that is because he is somewhat violent, and when he drinks he gets worse (luckily he has stopped drinking) So my question is what can I tell my husband how to handle this.

    And no I don't see him getting a girlfriend (he is straight) anytime soon, he still acts like a little boy. thanks for your time.
     
  2. Euler

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    Oh, sounds like that you are in a very dysfunctional family. If the nephew has been with your husband for practically his whole life then he should have developed some kind of parental bond with him. The fact that your husband is afraid of him is very disturbing.

    In my opinion you can talk to the nephew directly yourself. Especially if he uses your clothes or stuff without your permission. Be professional though. If he is as juvenile as he sounds you need to be careful not to sink to his level in a dialogue. You should also talk to your husband about his obviously troubled relationship to his nephew. Try to make him see why it's problematic. He needs to see that there is a problem before he will do anything about it.
     
  3. father76

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    Euler, that's the thing is that you cant tell this guy anything cause he will explode, but I will have to talk to my husband he does kind of listen to him. I am afraid that that will interfere in our relationship. wish me luck.
     
  4. Euler

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    The greater reason to address the issue. He is clearly disturbed and your husband should seek psychological help for him. That could be normalish behavior for a teenager - not for a guy in his mid 20s.
     
  5. father76

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    you are absolutely right about that is an act of a teenager not an adult. lets see if he will go to see a therapist.
     
  6. father76

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    I talked to my husband about this situation, and he doesn't see that his nephew is doing wrong. he got mad at me and said I thought you were different than the others. He told me that's the way he is, if I try to tell him he will get mad at me and I don't want any trouble with him. I told him that I don't like that he uses my clothes he said its because he doesn't have any clothes so he gets yours. I said but those are my clothes I don't go to peoples closets and get clothes just because I don't have clothes, but he just said that I don't understand . but there was no way for him to understand. I don't know what to do at this point. if I talk to the nephew he will bite my head off... maybe literally.
     
  7. Euler

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    What?! Is your husband crazy? His response is totally unreasonable and unexpected. There is something more to this case, let me tell you.

    Ask him why does he lose it when you are trying to address the issue with his nephew's misbehavior. Be sure not to sound naggy or any other way provocative or conflict seeking. If he is getting upset, politely and calmly ask him why is he getting upset. If he denies being upset ask him why is he then shouting or raised his voice.

    BTW, do you know why is he not living with his father? And are you sure he actually is your husband's nephew?
     
  8. father76

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    I told him, very calm he needs to be on his own. he cant be depending on you. he just went to the room.

    yes unfortunately he is his nephew, both of his parents are deceased, his mom is my husbands sister. he has even showed me pics of when he was like 11 or 12.

    his nephew does not care about any but him self. last night my husband got home from work around 12:30 almost one in the morning, well the nephew has a booth at a flea market well he told my husband I am going to wake up at 6:30 so that we can go to the flea market so you can help me. I told my husband but you need to sleep, doesn't he see that, he says he needs help, and he is like a baby bird that you need to help him out before he goes out on his own, I said no he is not, he is 26 years old he is already a full grown bird, he can fly all by himself but he wants you to still feed him like if he is still a baby. the only thing that he does adult wise is that he does work, other than that, its like he is a helpless babby bird.
     
    #8 father76, Mar 26, 2016
    Last edited: Mar 26, 2016
  9. Euler

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    I think you should go to talk to a family councilor about this problem. I think a professional might be able to give you advice how to deal with the situation and convince how to get the rest of your family to participate. It's not just the nephew who is the problem here but also your husband. It's obvious that he has not been able to provide stable and safe ground for his nephew to grow up and now he is trying to compensate that by giving in on everything. Or perhaps he was always like that - never being able to say no to him.
     
  10. father76

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    yea I think I am going to talk to my therapist about this. I am already going to therapy on a different issue that I have, which I also posted here on EC. so lets see how it goes. i'll keep you posted. Wish me luck. Glad that you see it the same way I do, I thought it was just me. Thanks you for your response.
     
    #10 father76, Mar 28, 2016
    Last edited: Mar 28, 2016