Hello Empty Closets, wow it has been a while. Currently I am still not officially out, but whenever the questions arises with a friend I usually decide to just tell them I'm gay. Still afraid to tell my parents and I think I'll leave that until I'm in a stable financial position. Anyway, the current problem: my crush. His name is Jeremy and he is a grade below me in high school. I haven't really noticed him until this year which is very weird. A little about him: he is probably the most funny/witty person I know. He is super smart and his cuteness is just to die for. So as usual I would go about moping in my mind about straight crushes (you know how it feels). I would often laugh at his jokes whenever we were together and usually when he talked, would either state at me or in my direction until I broke eye contact because it was uncomfortable. He probably doesn't like me. A while ago I added him on Facebook but he kept rejecting my request so I asked him in person and he accepted. I also requested to follow him on instagram but he still rejected. When I confronted him about it, he said his account is "private." what does that even mean? I checked his Facebook and he's had the same girlfriend (i think) for a long time and I know I shouldn't really interfere. How do you know if your crush has any remote feeling for you? How do you talk to them? Recently I texted my gay friend about him and he mentioned something that really affected me: Jeremy is pansexual. I almost cried and puked at the same time. There is some sort of remote chance that we could be together (or do something fun at least). My gay friend suggested adding him on snapchat. I did, still having the fear of rejection. A few hours later, a notification came: "Jeremy added you back!" wow I felt amazing at that moment. I need help and I am really confused on where to go right now. I don't know if trying to follow him on instagram again will hurt me. What do you suggest? I really want to talk to him in person but what do I talk to him about? How do I not seem awkward? Should I let him on that I'm gay? Thanks, -Irrelevant Boy
Don't put your eggs in one basket... From what you have described, Jeremy may be a friend, but how well do you know him, and how often do you talk one-on-one or outside of school? What your gay friend said about his sexuality may or may not be true; sometimes rumors happen. However, even if he is pansexual may not mean he is interested in you as more than a friend. You should probably give up on the Instagram since it's unlikely to give more info on what he's thinking. Also, how did you use your Facebook connection? Just to stalk his posts and photos, or did you try and interact?
I usually encounter him every day. We don't talk one on one because I can't handle it and I usually resort to talking with him and the group we usually talk with at lunch. The pansexual thing is true because he himself told my gay friend. Facebook has led to a little stalking but I try to avoid it. Every now and then I like his posts if I see them on my feed.
So, does he have a girlfriend? If you try to pursue him while he's in a relationship, things may get ugly. If he's single, then you might try to get closer. Snapchat may be one way of following what he does and trying to find common ground.
To be honest, if he's reluctant to even add you on social media without you pushing for it, I don't think there's any reason to believe that he shares your feelings. I would definitely not recommend trying to add him on Instagram again. He already turned you down both online and in person. Continuing to request shows a lack of social skills and respect for boundaries on your part.
Just found out he doesn't have a girlfriend. It was some weird best friend relationship and I was overanalyzing. As for the social media, I probably won't try up again unless he decides to add me first. I'm not sure where to go from here but there's at least a minute chance of getting something going.
Also, don't get hung up on just him. There are other guys out there just as smart, cute, etc., but sometimes you need to take down the blinders that stop you from noticing them.
Let's be honest, I can't have crushes on cute straight boys again. Out of my entire school I know about 3 or 4 gay guys and they don't interest me.
