First Gay Rejection and I'm Crushed

You shouldn't be arguing like that with someone you just met. Let it go, he isn't the right person for you. My advice would be to go on as many dates as possible. Don't go in looking for a serious relationship, just go in looking to have a good time and meet someone new. Try to relax and enjoy it. If you take it less seriously you'll have more fun and are more likely to connect with someone. Relationships develop over time, let things happen naturally.

---------- Post added 24th Mar 2016 at 08:36 PM ----------

Oh, I forgot to say, whatever you do don't stay in the closet. The closet sucks and it'll keep you from meeting the people you'll truly connect with in life.

 

I'm sorry you're hurting. I'm guessing the stakes seem so much higher because he's your first and you've pinned so many hopes on him. When you've been in the closet for years, it's easy to build up this idea that everything will be easy and magical once you come out. In reality, dating as gay person comes with all the same struggles you'd have as a straight person.

This guy may seem special because he's your first gay date, but he's just regular guy. There are plenty more out there. Don't fixate on him just because he's the only one you've had a date with. There's no point in chasing after people who've said they're not interested.

Take some time to process, and then get back out there. Look at your first attempts at dating men as practice. Coming out is kind of like a second puberty. Take it slow and use the time to explore and figure out what you like. You don't have to find a boyfriend immediately.

 

Having had my share of dead-end dates, this is what I'd say:

1. I may be completely wrong but I get the sense that the guy is using you. It is not a polite thing to tell someone that you can't "be with him" because he is "inexperienced" (what is this, a job application?!). Plus you paid for him. It's sweet of you but I hope that wasn't the reason he agreed for the second date.

2. Hard truth: You won't be attracted to every guy who wants to go out with you and every guy you find attractive won't agree to go out with you. I wish there were some way to sugar-coat this but I'm really just trying to save you heartbreak. Dating apps are usually very intensely physicality-driven and most people on there are operating with a certain objective in mind. Plus you have the usual mix of good people and bad people on there. So...a lot of trial and error is expected before you find the needle in the gaystack

3. Wipe away those tears, put that smile back on, and just look for someone else who will like you and accept you for who you are Don't let one failed crush discolour your dating experience

 

Two more things to add to all the good stuff above:
- there are guys who won't mind your lack of experience in the bedroom with other guys

- maybe it's not your inexperience he's having issues with, but maybe the fact you're not out ? some guys, especially if they had a difficult process of coming out, feel it's going back if they need to hide their dating partner, not reveal his name to close friends, etc... in order to respect his privacy

hope that helps

 

"He let me know he didn't want anything to do with me. He said I wasn't experienced sexually or socially enough."

reading that suggests to me he's the one not experienced enough if he's telling you things like that.

if it was me, I wouldn't be losing any sleep over someone like that.

 

First off: (*hug*)
Second off: you may have dodged a bullet here.

Now, don't get me wrong. It sucks. And it hurts. It's quite normal to fall for the first gay guy you meet (it's almost a stereotype, really). After all, you have been in the closet for so long, and then you are finally getting out. And going out. And this guy you're talking to is 100% of the guys you ever went on a date with. And you have been so ready for this for all these years!!!

With all of those expectations, your brain almost can't help falling for the first guy to give you the light of day!



On the other hand, the first guy you meet is not necessarily the right guy for you. Even if you end up dating the first guy you meet, it might not work out for other reasons. It is quite normal to have to date a few before meeting the right one. Are there people who end up happily ever after with their first date? Well, yes. But that's a bit like winning the lottery: it happens, but I wouln't base my future plans on it.



And this guy... seems like he had some issues beyond just incompatibility. His whole reason for rejecting you seems rather superficial.
It's not a bad thing to hope for a relationship with a guy who knows what he's doing, for sure. But that's not something you can just measure by a simple measure of "has so many gay friends, and dated x amount of people for y time". I've known people who had been in relationships for fifteen years and learned nothing, while others were pros at it from day one.

Even worse, with some people, "I want experience and maturity" is really just code for "I want someone to agree with me on all things". And they'll have no qualms strong-arming others by going "If you had enough experience or maturity, you'd agree and do what I say".


So all in all: this is purely his loss. He wasn't willing to get to know the real you. And you deserve better than a guy who makes broad generalisations based on limited data.



There's other people out there, who WILL take their time to get to know you. Some of them are compatible with you. And one of those is bound to be up for giving a relationship a shot.

So don't get discouraged by this first setback. It happens to a lot of people. But with a bit more searching, better dating material will present itself!