*Sorry for my bad english* There is this girl whom I know from last 2 years. My female bestie introduced me to her. She is very sweet, not too talkative, shy. She is a typical teenager girl who loves to read and watch romantic books and movies, having stupid celebrity crushes. Moreover I feel she is not mature. we fight a lot. Totally opposite of what I expect from a girl. I like girls who are smart, intelligent, bold and having some good sense of humor. Moreover the girl should be practical and mature. But for some reason I find her amusing and interesting. I find her honest though she is stupid and doesn't think twice before she speaks. But I feel she speaks from heart, she means her words. I can't explain it..but she has totally different way of viewing the world. I used to flirt with her just for fun. I didn't have any feelings then. ( this is about year ago ) and one day she evidently told me that she likes me. I rejected her. Reason: I didn't feel anything for her. Plus I am not interested in getting into relationships. Love and relationships are not my thing. I told her diplomatically that i feel she deserves better than me. As there are many boys better than me and perfect for her. After this incident an year passed. Everything was going normal. Now we are good friends and got close and know more about each other. I spent most of time with her and hang out with her. We fight and have fun a lot together. She taught me different stuffs. I think i am attracted to her because of her peculiarity. The girl who calls you at 2:00 am of night to meet her in park for swinging in swings. And the weird part is I enjoy doing all those stupid and random stuffs which she tells me to do. She gives me good memories. One boy in our college has started showing interest in her. Now she is getting close to him. It hurts every time i see her hanging with him. I feel so confused and get angry she knows about my background a lot she knows I need her most in my difficult times but now she is drifting away. I realized her importance now. I always wanted that she finds suitable man for herself who keeps her happy forever. She is so sweet, honest and pure..I feel like an ass**** I know I can't keep her happy. I already have lots of family and financial issues that I have to deal with. The truth is even if she stays with me I can't keep her happy and can't give her time. She deserves better. But I also don't want her to go to someone. I don't want to lose her. Only woman I feel so connected with. I started to ignore her in college though its hard. Don't respond to her calls and talk to her much. I don't know y but i can't look at her face. I feel guilty and regretful. I can't even express well all the emotions I am feelings. I know I sound selfish and I talked to one of my friends regarding this topic. He suggested me to talk with her and open out everything. But I don't feel right. I am the one who rejected her earlier. But now I am the one who badly wants her when she is moving on with someone else. As people say '' You'll never realize the importance of something until its gone." I do have my own queries. May be I liked her from start and never realized? May be i am too possessive and being selfish? Now I am sitting like an idiot and crying. Created this account just today. And recalling all the times we spent together. I think i like her..or it is just an infatuation and i will move on with time. I want to feel normal again. I want to act normal and feel normal in front of her as I used to feel earlier before. What should I do? I feel lost when i stand before her.
