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My ex's new girlfriend attempted suicide. I still miss him to bits. Advice?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by RandGen, Apr 2, 2016.

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  1. RandGen

    RandGen
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    It's been months since me and my ex broke up. According to him, he fell out of love with me and he's all innocent. He fell out of lust with me, and he kept me around for sex. Finally, he breaks up with me, calls me a lot of nasty names, and totally disappears before I can even talk to him.

    To this day, I'm still not over him. For some reason, at one point, I was totally okay with the fact that he was gone for a while. During this week, all of those harsh feelings came rushing back, I've even had a few recurring dreams about him where me and him would meet again, start discussing life and then we'd be friends again .This all takes place in my sisters kitchen, for some reason.

    I keep thinking about all of the things we've been through, I've known him for eight years and we were best friends for six. I remember, after he broke up with his first ever girlfriend, I was there for him. He was depressed, suicidal, no one would talk to him but me. For about three years, I protected him from bullies, I included him into my group of friends and I was just there. I remember the day I came out to him, we were talking over PSN and I admitted that I'm bi, this was the first person I ever came out to and was paranoid about anyone else finding out. He then told me that he was also bi and on July 1st, we became boyfriends. There are too many great memories of this time period to mention here. He then moved schools and made many new friends. About two and a half years later, he started avoiding me for several months, ignored me for a week and then broke up with me.

    Just today, I heard from across the grapevine that his new girlfriend, who he left me for, who was asked by my ex if she would like to have a threesome with him and his brother, had drank a quarter of a 99% 500ml bottle of isopropyl in an attempt to kill herself. I don't even know the words to describe my feelings right now. I, myself, have been feeling pretty suicidal and don't know what to do. I've been feeling suicidal long before we broke up, but it's much worse. I can't get help, don't bother saying that I should. I live in the middle of nowhere and under my parents control, suicide is illegal in my country so I could be placed under watch if I tell my counsellor.
     
    #1 RandGen, Apr 2, 2016
  2. NathanielB13

    NathanielB13
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    Hi!
    Firstly what country do you live in? If it's illegal in your country surely this gf would be going to jail? Which is horrible for her and for you.
    If you're feeling suicidal then it's probabley best to get help, no matter if you're placed "under watch" as I know how hopeless it is to feel that way and have noone to talk to. If you feel you can't, then downplay it and say you have heavy depression as idk if your country provides help for that(it should if it doesn't). Even a little bit of care can make a huge differance to you and your wellbeing.
    Have you told the counsellor this situation? He is required by his job to help you deal with this. He has a better understanding of human emotions so he'll help you to sort out this mess and get you on the mend.
    Also at the moment although you may be wanting him, it's not best to go after him. He's probabley feeling terrible over his girlfriends attempted suicide sice it was partly his fault. My best idea is to remember that he was an asshole to you with the breakup, he doesn't deserve you and you should have better. Hang in there and Im sure a person whos as fantastic as him will come along.
    I hoped I've helped
    Nat
     
    #2 NathanielB13, Apr 2, 2016
  3. RandGen

    RandGen
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    I'm in Canada, attempted suicide is legal (but you're forced to sit in a hospital for 3 months), but everything else is not (If someone keeps it a secret or gave her the isopropyl, they can be charged with assisted suicide). I haven't told the counsellor, I'm on Easter break and can't contact her. I don't think it was his fault, she is depressed and I know my ex had complained about her cutting herself to a mutual friend (not to her face). The thing is, I know I deserve better, but I'm far too emotionally attached to him to be with someone else.
     
    #3 RandGen, Apr 2, 2016
    Last edited: Apr 2, 2016
  4. ChillPenguin

    ChillPenguin
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    Yeah, you're probably not going to like what I'm about to say. Based on what I read he doesn't care about you in the slightest. You did everything for him. He did nothing for you. He used you when he had no friends. He leached off your support. He used you for sex relief. Then the moment he did get some friends, suddenly you weren't good enough and he dropped you. And if that wasn't enough he called you names and made fun of you. Clearly he doesn't care. That is not a good friend. My advice is just to leave him be and don't let him back in your life or else he'll just do the same thing again. You're worth a lot more than him.

    As for your depression, you can try going to bed early and waking up early. Then going for early morning walks. Also healthy eating is actually great for making yourself feel better. Finding a hobby is also good. I've often found being in the dark, eating unhealthy foods and sitting in my room is the worst possible combination for depression. By becoming more active and healthy you will feel a lot better. Hope this helps.
     
    #4 ChillPenguin, Apr 2, 2016
  5. FalconBlueSky00

    FalconBlueSky00
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    Sorry but I have to ask is help truly impossible? Would being under watch really be that bad? I avoided getting help when I needed it and now regret it because I spent a lot more time in pain than I had to. Going to a hospital far away for a while, talking to other people who understand and are going through the same thing, getting help talking about your feelings of why you can't let him go. Your parents don't have to know why you want to take your life, in US therapy is completely confidential, Canada is much more forward thinking and probably has better protection laws. Also much counseling can be done over the Internet now in video sessions designed for people in the middle of nowhere. Sorry again I know you didn't want anyone suggesting this, but it felt to irresponsible not to.
     
    #5 FalconBlueSky00, Apr 2, 2016
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