Lately I've been wondering if a (presumably) straight guy is flirting with me. I first met this guy last fall while walking my dog. He likes animals and took an interest in my dog, and talked to me about how to train a dog not to pull on the leash during walks. From time to time I'd see him and talk to him (mainly small talk) if he was out in his yard during my walks. About a month ago, he asked if I could go see a movie with him. I couldn't at the time due to work schedules, but then last week he brought it up again, and this time I could. During last week's movie conversations he used some catch phrases that could just mean meeting with someone, or something more intimate: "I'm glad we could finally hook up!", "Let's get together!", etc. During the movie, he didn't make any moves in a darkened theater ... no touchy-feely stuff. After the movie he expressed interest in doing some music stuff with me. He swung by my place the next day to look over some sheet music. He expressed an interest in "playing" with me, but again, was that just about music ... or something else? Although he was alone with me in a private setting, nothing happened. But when it came time for him to leave, he said something about how he enjoyed talking to me for hours and could lose track of the time... Why do I think he's likely a straight guy? Because 90%+ of guys are, he's into sports/outdoor stuff, and hasn't shown any signs of a gay cultural sensibility. Of course, that's a judgment based more on stereotypes than anything. None of these would be a clear indication. I have not come out to this guy. I'm OK with having a straight friend as long as he is not homophobic (I don't think that would be his nature but I don't know him real well). However, this mixed message of flirty comments without flirty actions has left me confused about who he is and what he wants with me ... just friendship or something more? In situations like this, I err on the side of not coming out, and not making the first move. And I wouldn't ask a relatively new friend if he's straight/gay/bi/anything else (it's a sensitive personal question).
Knowledge of lgbt culture is not a prerequisite to be lgbt. Even how one expresses lgbt identification may affect how you perceive them to be, or not be lgbt. I think you should conjecture his intentions based on his actions. From what you've told me, that seems very much like a date lol. Are you giving back signs that you are interested? If he is trying to show interest, even thought it doesn't fit into the lgbt culture of expressing interest, it's still a valid expression. I wouldn't be surprised if a guy that is not participant of the lgbt community ends up expressing his feelings towards another guy in a way not fit to western lgbt standards. Tldr; see the actions to extract the intentions with the consideration that his ways of expression may be "closested" or "inhibited" by social standards or off those standards
Gleeko0 - Good points. If a guy is gay but isn't part of the "gay scene" he would act out his interests differently. I've wondered if I put a gay 'spin' on things he said, because *I* am gay and interpret things differently. That is why I was looking for less ambiguous signals, like an "accidental on purpose" brush against me or touchy-feelyness. I'll just keep nurturing the friendship with this guy and see how things play out.
Sounds like a good idea, and maybe you could sound him out - subtly - on LGBT issues. I'll bring out my favourite advice again: Invite him round to watch a film (so you two are alone), and make it a mainstream but LGBT film. Like Lilting perhaps - an arty film, sad and funny, about a guy left feeling responsible for his dead boyfriend's mother, who doesn't speak English, and doesn't know her son was gay, or why his 'flatmate' is helping her. Or if that feels too obvious offer a choice of a couple of films, including one like Lilting. See where it leads - conversation, discussion, coming out...
