My crush is killing me. They probably don't even know that they're torturing me. So, I have a crush on a person in my grade. (Biologically female, but they are trying out androgynous pronouns) I have known them for years, pretty much all of my life. I have had strong feelings for them for pretty much as long as I can remember knowing them, but haven't realized it until fairly recently. They have a girlfriend who is also my friend. They have been dating since November. Yesterday, they came over and we watched some movies and television together. My feelings for them had been dying out a little recently and I was finally starting to move on... but then... They leaned against me and asked me to play with their hair while we watched TV. ("if you play with my hair I will be grateful to you for a billion years" is what I think they said, I can't remember now the exact words) So as we watched TV I stroked their hair. My feelings sort of rekindled for them as this went on, it was just very intimate and the longest time I've ever spent actually touching them. They eventually fell asleep in my arms and I didn't have the heart to wake them. It just... I feel almost honored in a way that they trust me enough to fall asleep beside me. I don't know what to do. A month ago, I was almost ready to consider starting the process and letting them go and move on, but now... I just can't. Letting them go means letting go of our friendship and I can't remember a time when we have been this close. Before they got in a relationship it was my mission to become as close as this with them. My mission seems to have backfired a little and now I can't pull away without feeling guilty and hurting them. I want to be friends with them as much as I want to be with them romantically. I don't know what to do. :help:
