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What does he really want?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by ECMember, Apr 5, 2016.

  1. ECMember

    Regular Member

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    I've touched on this subject too much but it's something I really want feedback on.

    I have this love/hate relationship with this close male friend named Edmond.

    We've been through a lot the past few months if anyone has read my posts here.

    At times, I've fallen head of fucking heels for the guy at different times and times I've hated him.

    I have a lot of feelings that shift at times.

    He's straight in the sense, that he's not gay or has been with a guy in a romantic way. Though, we've kissed while we were drunk. This moment has clouded or hampered my own thoughts/feelings over him more.

    I mean I like him as a friend but I feel that the feelings overlap slightly with some slight romantic/sexual aspect. I describe it as 75-85% platonic/amicable feelings with romantic/sexual 20-15% feelings in the mix.

    I mean he appears to fit this so-called preference or mold of a guy I'd date or get with, if he had been bi. He's not bi, but his own manner and the way he acts around me, furthers my impression that he may have had some brief homoerotic experiences in his past that he may not allude or tell me(drunk or sober).

    The "kiss moment" further adds my point. He may or may deny that he has sexual feelings for me, but that moment appears to illustrate my point.

    I don't know what he sees in me. I'm not all high class like him. I'm a complete opposite to him. He's not a complete socialite 20-something guy. He's like a 20-something Howard Hughes lone wolff. He has money coming out of his butt from his own step parents, he doesn't work, but he doesn't have a social life. He does have friends but doesn't have a lot of friends. I do some similarities that we share: low social life and both being in our 20s.

    I've been debating in my own mind, what does he really want with me. And the question I cant never answer: What do I really want with him? Friendship? Partnership? Romance? Sex? All the above.

    He appears to treat me with affection when he pays for things when we go out. So I feel somewhat as a "feminine" role when he does that. I don't see myself as a "female" in the context of gender, I'm speaking within a social context. I mean I've talked about age/gender I see as intertwined in my mind. I just see him as the older(masculine) role in this relationship/friendship I see. It appears borderline like we are some odd couple of sorts that's been through ups and downs.
     
  2. Spartan 117

    Admin Team Full Member

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    Hello there,

    First of all, I can understand why you feel confused. Friendships and romantic relationships are similar in a lot of ways. They both go through ups and downs, and even friendships sometimes have a more 'dominant' personality paired with a quieter one. One thing to bear in mind is that as you both don't have a wide social circle, any feelings (positive or negative) are always going to feel more intense - simply because you depend on each other more than most.

    Of course, kissing him is going to confuse your feelings further! Unfortunately, what he did while he was drunk doesn't necessarily shed much light on his sexuality. I wish we could tell you for sure about his feelings and his sexuality but it really is very hard to tell. Nothing you've said really indicates one way or another.

    The only way to know for sure is to have ask him honestly about his feelings. I know this is much easier said than done, but you may drive yourself crazy analysing his behaviour and not get any closer to finding answers.

    Perhaps the fact he's so ambiguous is what is driving your fascination with him? Maybe you should ask yourself - if you found out that 100% nothing romantic or sexual was ever going to happen, would this make things clearer for you?
     
  3. ECMember

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    The whole "drunk kiss moment" really confused my whole feelings for him. I mean, we've agreed basically it was just a drunken hormone fueled moment. We agreed on that. We haven't had sex, but the whole "kiss moment" seemed to have a slight sexual tension(indirect) you know.

    He does joke a bit at times when I want to hang out with me. I mean he mentions in texts,{my name], oh how you long to hang out with me. Your in love. So, I feel that he does seem to know, that I somewhat like him. I mean, it's funny. I mean Edmond doesn't hate me nor do I hate him. We talk shit and stuff, but we work out our problems like friends.

    He does know I'm bi and he's cool with it. He does have a gay friend that I've met and he was cool and there wasn't no jealously or hatred between the three of us. We just had a few beers and played Call of Duty.

    In terms of asking Edmond what his true motives for hanging out with me, that's the 50,000 dollar question. The next time I hang out with him, I'm going to ask him just plainly what he sees in me.

    He doesn't really have a strong social life, he's not this 20-something socialite. He reminds me of a borderline loaner/lone wolf similar to a 20-something Howard Hughes. He does desire some companionship I suppose, when he mentions about the girls he meets/hook ups at bars. I see myself as a cross between a companion/friend/drinking buddy for me. I suppose that's describes my label in terms of his own frame of mind of how he positions me in his life.

    I just never really had a relationship with someone like him. It's confusing on the feelings I have for him.

    If he were bi or admitted he had feelings for me, :lol: that would make my day