I don't know if I'm just over thinking these things but a friend of mine I have a huge crush on confuses the hell out of me. Even though I know he's straight I'm starting to think that he's a little bi-curious. We go out drinking a lot and sometimes he gets really handsie like reaching for my crotch (he's touched it before), grabbing my hand and putting it in his lap, or he makes jokes about me getting him drunk so I can take advantage of him and how he's OK with it, plus more. But by the end of the night he's trying to find a chick to take home. The last time we went out, we joked about doing body shots and out of the blue he dared me to do one off him. I brushed it off by saying the bartender wouldn't be OK with him climbing on the bar but he was pretty adamant (he tried to convince me for like 30 mins and I told him I would if she said ok) so he decided to ask her if we could and she said why not. I didn't do it even though I wanted to, HES FUCKING HOT, but his commitment to making me do it kind of shocked me. I mean we were in a bar full of people and I'm not near out of the closet and he has no idea I'm bi. Some nights I want to try my luck and make a pass at him but I'm afraid he'll get pissed. He really is a cool dude and I don't just hang out with him cause I like him, it's just kind of a side effect of him tempting me. Sorry this is so long, not sure what to do.
It sounds like your friend isn't entirely straight. I can't imagine any straight guy telling his friend that he's okay with the idea of "being taken advantage of" and inviting the same friend to publicly do body shots... no matter how chilled he is. Your friend is being very daring and making plenty of overt gestures towards you, but what exactly is his agenda? Could it be that he is dropping huge hints about his own sexuality in the hope you will directly question him about it? I think it's a strong possibility. It would be somewhat ironic that you are not out to him and he is actually trying to come out to you. There is also the possibility that he has guessed you are not straight and wants to see if you will come out to him and it could also be the case that he wants more than friendship from you. It might be that he is going with girls because he isn't getting anywhere with you. All of these things are possibilities, but you will only know for certain if you talk to him about it. With all of the gestures he is making he must be prepared for some questions now. You can't touch another guys dick, put your hand in his lap, do body shots with him [in public] and suggest he takes advantage without expecting some serious questions back. He might be wondering what more he has to do to get you to ask! I would suggest you address the issue next time it happens.
I agree with everything you said PatrickUK. I think very few straight men would do and say some of the things he has and few would allow someone to do those things to them like I have so I can see him guessing that I'm not 100% straight either. I think sometimes what holds me back is that I don't know how much of his flirtation is due to alcohol. It sucks because I know he'd be OK with my sexuality regardless of what he prefers but I don't think I'm ready to be out to really anyone. I worry that if I did give him a hint that I'm attracted to men and he is straight that things will just change for no reason. To me being bi is just a tiny percent of who I am, it's just there. I look at it like my favorite color, it might be red but sometimes blue looks pretty damn good too. I do think the next time we hang out though, I think I'll try to probe a little deeper or hell I might just be over flirtatious and do all the teasey shit he does to me just to see how he reacts idk. But I do know I like him as a friend and I would hate to ruin our friendship over a silly crush. Thanks for reading, I really needed it.
When you guys both had a few drinks ask him if you could kiss him. See what he says. I agree with the others I think he's trying to get you to make a move first. If he turns you down you could always just say you were drunk.
I'm not quite sure I'm bold enough to do that and he gives me the feeling that he wouldn't back down from a dare. Not really sure what I would do if he agreed to it either but I like that idea. It's going to be a while before we hang out again though. He's going out of town for a week. He hasn't even left yet and I kind of miss him already, which is why I'm on here. But usually when he leaves town, when he gets back he calls or texts me wanting to hang out as soon as he's back. This week's going to be a long one, waitings the worst part.
It may be true that some people lose their inhibitions when they are drunk, but I don't buy into the idea that he is doing all of it only because he is drunk. I have been drunk many times, but drunkeness hasn't caused me to lose my memory and all sense of perspective and it doesn't seem to have affected you that way either. Being drunk is a convenient excuse for some people to behave in certain way, but an excuse it often is. If your friend isn't completely intoxicated on your nights out together, he will be aware of what he is doing and he will remember it the following day too. With that in mind, it might be worth asking how serious he is when you, and he are sober. What might be the result of you asking about it? Well, he might deny any knowledge of it (blame it on the drink), but if he does that you should expect him to continue flirting and coming on to you, regardless. If he genuinely has no knowledge of what he is doing why would his behaviour change at all? My bet is that his behaviour would change though because drunkeness is merely an excuse to hide behind. So, that might happen. On the other hand, he might be relieved that you've asked. It might be a conversation he has been waiting for with you. Remember, this is about you asking him if he is serious and reassuring him, rather than coming out to him yourself. If he tells you that the flirting and coming onto you is more than a drunken whim though, the opportunity to come out to him may arise and you might want to prepare yourself for that. If you do talk to him, just make sure he knows that you are not annoyed or bothered by his suggestions or behaviour and if the conversation goes well you might want to take it a step or two further. What do you think?
I will admit, you make a really good point. Guess I'm just afraid of putting him off if he is using it as an excuse and even more afraid of outing myself. I've only dated women my whole life and there's so much more that goes into liking another guy or even getting up the nerve to approach one this way. If a girl was flirting this hard with me it would be a no brainer that she was interested. I feel more vulnerable than any other time in my entire life. I think your right though, I just have to mentally prepare myself if he's serious.
And to add to the whole "lowered inhibitions" thing, a little over a month ago we got really, really drunk (again), I was about to leave his place and he told me that he loved me. I told him I loved him too and I remember us hugging for an extended period of time. I do not remember the conversation we were having that led to that point and I don't remember much after, I just remember saying our goodbyes then waking up in my bed hungover. Not sure how much he remembered of that or even if it means anything but the next time we saw each other he claimed not to remember anything from that night.
