One of my best friends is definitely gay. We're 25. He knows I'm gay. We have a lot of the same friends and he sees that no one treats me differently. He has a liberal family and even gay relatives. I don't understand why he won't come to terms with it and come out. He doesn't even really hide it. He'll openly talk about how attractive men are. He's flirtatious and touchy with men (including me) while drunk and sometimes even sober. But he says he's straight. He recently got a girlfriend after being single for a really long time. He's clearly not into her whatsoever. It's so frustrating. I don't know what to do. I'm afraid to have a talk with him about it because I know he'll just deny it and get defensive. Plus I know how sensitive the topic can be since I was once in his shoes. Anyone have any advice? Can I even do anything to help him?
The first person he must come out to, if he's not straight, is himself. You can be there as a support, but he has to make the conscious decision on what is his orientation. Maybe he's bi and does have some heterosexual attractions. There are many possibilities, but you aren't a mind reader. You could ask him how he feels about the relationship if you want, but don't try to push him into doing what you think is best.
I think I may be in his exact same position personally people have confronted me on this issue so many times to the point that I just feel uncomfortable discussing it with anyone. Give him time let him know that your there for him no matter what and that nothing bad will happen. That is what helped me out. Keep in mind that he may still be trying to come to terms with it so don't pry he just may need some room to grow maybe figure himself out a little more.
Honestly, I think you should really figure out why this scenario makes you feel frustrated. Why are you so heavily invested in his coming out? Sad? Sure. Being worried? Why not. But being frustrated doesn't help either you or him. Let him come out, if he is lgbt, at his own pace. Unless he shows signs of depression, self-harm or other negative behavior, he might not want to come out anytime soon and that is fine.
