Mind Melted

Hey I signed up for empty closets because I really need some advice.

I'm in university and living in the university housing in a two bedroom flat. I got along well with my roommate and he introduced me to his friend who was staying on our sofa because he lives quite a while away although he shouldn't have been staying as guests are only allowed to stay for two days a week. Never the less he ended up staying for 5 days a week. I didn't really think much of it.

I'm gay and admit that when I first met my roommates friend (let's just call him A) I did think he was good looking but never thought about going there because I thought he was straight. As time went on we got closer through late night talks and just hanging out. I was helping him trough his break up.

After the Christmas break. he suggested one night that we push to two sofas together and sleep there, I didn't think much of it. it became routine and most nights we ended up spooning (me being the big spoon). When he found out I was gay it didn't stop.

Shortly after this he got another girlfriend who ended their relationship after three days. he became heartbroken and I helped him through it, staying up to around or past 5am most nights a week over a three week period. I hadn't been sleeping or eating and honestly could have been admitted to hospital for fatigue.

Then I began to notice things that made me question his sexuality, aside from the spooning, he was constantly touching me, playing with my hair, putting his legs on top of mine when we were sitting down etc. I have also caught him staring at me when I turn around and he has repeatedly gazed in my eyes with one friend commenting that he was looking at me so adoringly. He also began treating me like a girlfriend, buying me things, opening car doors for me etc. and we ended up spending quite a lot of time alone together. we got along really well and developed a close bond. when we'd come back from these outings the roommate would ask where we'd been and A would joke that we were out having sex in his car, he did this joke repeatedly. My roommate pointed out that maybe he needs a girlfriend and treats me like that as a substitute. However two weeks after he had a new girl who was interested in him and continued the same behaviour. He also stopped using my roommates bathroom to shower and such and moved all his stuff into my bathroom and as well began to spend the weekends at my flat just the two of us. At home he does have a job that he doesn't finish usually until nine and then makes a two hour journey by car to sleep in my flat and then drive back down the next day to work and then drive back down to my flat a night. Eventually he realized that I liked him and while he didn't react to that he did storm out when I said that I didn't think I could be his friend because I liked him too much and we didn't speak for three days and he began sleeping at his new girlfriends flat from then on. We resolved it and he admitted he hadn't been sleeping at all due to losing a friend. I still wasn't over it because he never actually said I don't like you that way. I also couldn't mention the possibility of him being gay as he freaks out and shouts repeatedly that he's not gay and continues this on for half an hour even when you agree with him. this furthered my reasoning that he was as he protested way too much.

I'm not the only one who thought so either, he had a previous group of friends and left them because one of them thoughts he was gay and kept trying to kiss him, his ex girlfriend was also part of the group. I recently had a talk with the gay guy in question and he maintains that A did the same thing to him and revealed that his ex girlfriend told him that they only had sex once and he barely managed to get an erection and that he couldn't find where to put it in, they had tried twice and managed it once. she then said it was so bad that she dumped him and also thinks he's gay and in the closet. this isn't helped by the fact that his parents are apparently devout Christian, he is an only child and is also a 6'1 rugby player. his second girlfriend also said the same thing that he couldn't get it in adding further to my speculations. he also wasn't having sex with his current girlfriend despite that she had been pushing him for it. He also over compensates when talking about women and constantly talked about the girls he'd like to have sex with. but he does it so often and in such a rude way of talking that it made me think he was overcompensating.

We've had several fallouts over this due to his behaviour. as this has gone on I have questioned his behaviour. he blamed it on me and said that I did it and I was overthinking it because he wasn't gay. even his current girlfriend has been weirded out by our behaviour. What really made me wonder was when I had accidentally rested my hand on his crotch and on a different occasion had my hand on his bare chest. He never even flinched at me touching him there and honestly I did it again just to see if he would freak out it happened several times and he never reacted once. he also wrestles me quite a lot and I have gotten excited, twice I'm sure he felt my erection and continued on. although he has stopped certain moves he picked up other ones such as pulling my hair, stroking my face and pinching my nose and more recently has began slapping me in the face. It has bordered on abuse both physically and verbally but then he apologizes randomly and on one occasion cried when I wasn't going to forgive him.

I had been confiding in my friend at the time (we'll call her M) I had told M that I was in love with him and when drunk she had made comments about sexual tension between us and how we'd make a cute couple. we went out and he insisted that we all get drunk, something I don't do often, at one stage A and M had ended up on the sofa together and began kissing this annoyed me as not only did she know I was in love with him but they both know that my roommate/ A's best friend has been in love with M and as well A still had a girlfriend. in my drunken mind set I went off to the bathroom to call my mum and cry when I came back a few minutes later I found them under the covers and M was in her bra and trousers (due to taking her top off because she spilled a drink on her self) and A had taken his shirt off.

In my drunken mind I went off on one and began to shout at him and said that you can't even get it up anyways cause that what I had been told. M then blurts out that he'd had an erection while they were kissing. I then let everything out and while M was passed out in the hallway. I told him that I had loved him despite that I've seen his dark side and despite whatever problems he had, that I accept him for who he is. I had told him that he was ruining me and that my family are really fearing for my mental, emotional and physical health. I revealed to him everything that they had been said about him by his exes and other friends. and I asked him about having touched each others penises, he responded that he had realized which I found weird because If I had felt it then he should have as well. he only got annoyed that I had believed them and not him. I finally told him that I could just let everything go if he would just tell me why if he was straight would he let me get that close to him he just said he didn't know. this is a few times now I have called him out and never got any real answers. now A and M have been acting like it didn't happen but aren't being awkward about it.

I'm also meant to be sharing a house with him next year.

My mum has been my confidant throughout this but she has even burst into tears at the negative impact this situation is having on me, she has said it is killing her to watch her sin be torn apart at the seams.

Sorry for the long story but this has been having a seriously bad impact on all aspects of my life and I just want and opinion on someone who might have been through a similar situation.

There still so much more to the story but I wrote what I thought was most needed. if there is anything else I need to say ill post in the comments and don't hesitate to ask questions.