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Time 2 Let Him Go ? - Or Just Keep Far Away , HELP!

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by likesboys, Apr 10, 2016.

  1. likesboys

    Regular Member

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    Hey everyone , so I'm gonna try and keep this as short as I can.
    It relates to a previous post I made about
    'My Str8 Friend...or Not So Str8'

    Back story...
    So I met this guy two and a half years ago... We just exchanged numbers in his work place ... Initially for me to help him find another job... But that never happened.
    We started texting eachother daily , about random stuff. Going out to eat.. Going to the movies every week... Shopping etc.
    We just became really close, really quickly .

    Now my first impression was always that he was gay, and this was the beggining of a potential romance . I had no doubts , except for the fact he didn't state it , but he did his upmost to try and show me his lack of interest in girls , to match mine .
    I NEVER spoke about girls , but I did tell him, he'll understand why the more he gets to know me.
    He'd send me shirtless videos all the time and video messages and random videos of his legs , and boxers down ... Just a lot of gay stuff really.

    Nine months in, I came out to him and explained that I also had feelings for him..
    His response was that he already knew I was gay, but was oblivious to my feelings for him .
    And that convo pretty much ended like that....

    And with me waiting for him to reveal the same.. But that never happened . So I thought ok, let me give him some time .. As i was sure he felt the same way, we've basically been dating .
    So quick breakdown of why I thought he was gay
    Now please note these things by them self would mean nothing to me , but in sync with everything else .. Scream gay IMO.

    Important to note this guy is model gorgeous, really beautiful, biracial, tattoos everywhere .... Tall, muscular .loved by ALL.

    *face piercing
    *disinterest in girls
    *looks at men in passing
    *gym obsession
    *loves pink
    *obsessed with gay topic
    *references everything to gay sex
    *constantly touching me, squeezing my thighs , playing with my nipples, stroking my hair, stroking my beard.
    *denfesive/random mood swings
    *avoids family functions
    *very aware of what's gay and what isn't
    *defensive when people think he's gay- over sells that he 'loves vagina', yet hardly sleeps with anyone
    *flirts with gay guys
    *pretends to be grossed out when gay guys like him, but can't stop smiling .. And bragging to everyone about it
    *if I take long to respond, assumes I'm with a guy
    *says nobody knows the real him, he's hiding a big part of himself
    *says I should come out now rather than later (which I have), as he knows from experiences the longer you wait, the harder it becomes
    *says he wouldn't watch extreme gay films like 'brokeback mountain, magic mike, chocolate city ' but they're on his watchlist on Netflix (I logged in to his account -moment of shame )
    *sends me videos of gay guys vogueing/dancing (something he knows I have no interest in, so the interest is all his' and talks about how much he loves their footwork
    *showed me a girl twerking , explaining he wishes he could dance like that
    *very clean, groomed, neat , tidy, gentle
    *tries to go for as long as he can without sex, explains to me he doesn't need if, just will if he has to
    *gets annoyed at me talking to /sleeping with guys .. Explains i have no self control (now this only started once I noticed he wasn't confessing to me, before then, I pretty much held out For him for a whole year)
    *whilst at my house and laying on my bed, will keep leaning forward and typing sex on the keyboard when I'm using the computer , or going to the file search box to search for my nudes
    *asked to see my striptease videos , as he thinks they would be 'funny'
    *justifies all female friends to me if I get jealous , explains the ones things have happened with and explains it was years ago telling me not to be jealous
    *avoids girls , doesn't ask them out , won't take their number, gives them his, but them doesn't accept the call
    *obsessed with how i thread my brows
    *wants to get a mani/pedi but fears people will think he's gay
    *loves gay characters on to shows /reality programmes
    *wont show me his stomache tattoo, as he thinks stomaches are sexual and reserved for 'sex', says guys just don't show eachother their stomaches, maybe in the 'gay world' but not his.
    * says he wouldn't want gay kids, it would be to hard raising them, explaining they didn't chose to be, they were born that way, helping them come out to the family, said str8 kids would be easier
    *sits and shows me specific photos of celebrities he thinks I will find attractive
    *knows ALL the gay and bi actors , literally more than I know
    * asks me how I know if people are gay, give him some insights, and gets defensive when the signs link With his behaviour


    There are many other things but I'm trying to keep this short.
    All he does is parade me around as his gay friend, screaming from
    The roof tops about how gay I am, wanting to tell my
    Mothers (who is already convinced he's my boyfriend ) just seems like projection . He can't be who he is, so he's trying to magnify who I am.. Ugh.

    However it's come to a point where I was feeling really low, suicidal at one point about how me and him are moving really slowly . When I think things are finally progressing ,he withdraws and things come to a halt. Like he took me out to dinner for my birthday; then after we had a really long intimate hug, it started as a bro-hug, but it began to drag, and he changed the position and put his hands around my waist and we stood their for a while , after that he was a bit distant over the next couple of days.

    It's like he's trying to contain himself .and he thinks I'm
    Making him gay...

    Anywho, back to my point
    I was feeling low, and started sleeping around a lot when I felt unwanted , or like I wasn't his priority , it was breaking my heart if he'd meet a female friend , although I know it was highly unlikely anything would happen, I would go and hook up with a guy to make myself feel better. And my list of hook ups was just growing to an unhealthy number

    And I'd feel like crap after, because I know they aren't who I wanted to be with.


    So last week after him constantly asking me what's wrong he can sense something is wrong,
    I came clean to him, via text .

    I wasn't explicitly clear that I had felt suicidal, but I was about my hook ups and how it all stems from my feelings for him....

    And his response was

    "Well u need to kill these feelings u have for me, kill them, kill them , kill them, they need to go, because things like that will ruin our friendship, u need to put them away, and get to know someone , give somebody else a chance , stop talking to me, and speak to somebody else, control your feelings"


    Now that cut me like a knife, but I think I'm more angry than upset, as he identifies as str8 and won't take any responsibility for his actions towards me(which I have never mentioned)
    But upon receiving that response, I have ignored him and haven't spoken to him since.

    It's been 3 days... And for us that is a lot. As we text all day/night .

    My dilemma is,
    Do I just drop him out my life completely as right now he's triggered a hatred within me, where I think I can easily let go of him forever.

    Or

    Do I just take some time , and gradually try and remain his friend , but from a far.
    Either way I'm not ready to speak to him I think he was completely insensitive and trying to hard to mask his own feelings .


    Help. :help:
     
    #1 likesboys, Apr 10, 2016
    Last edited: Apr 10, 2016
  2. AlmostBlue

    AlmostBlue Guest

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    I'm sorry you are going through such a hard time. Honestly, the response he gave you is terribly insensitive and rude. I think the list of things that make you think he's gay is not that relevant. Regardless of whether he has sexual feelings for men or not, what you should focus on is how he's clearly led you on. He knew that you were gay, yet did all those intimate things, and now he's telling you to "kill" those feelings you have for him? That is so hypocritical and insensitive, I am angry for you!

    And yes, to be honest, it does seem like he's deeply confused, but focusing on this will make you hope that in the future he will come around and you two will have a beautiful relationship. Unfortunately, in most cases like this where a guy is so oblivious and in denial, a happy ending will not ensue. If you keep on contacting him and hoping things will get better, then you will get tangled up farther in this drama. You don't have to decide right now between the two options you mentioned, but what's certain is for you to stop talking to him. Maybe in the future you can feel like you'd like to be his friend, but for now, just try to forget about him and be happy that you dodged a bullet.

    Most likely, once you stop talking to him, he will start missing you and will initiate contact with you. If he does, you should tell him that he was the one who said that you should "stop taking to him", and you're just moving on. If he tries to make you feel guilty for abandoning the "friendship" (which never really existed, sorry), then just ignore him completely again.

    Good luck, and once again, sorry you're going through this.
     
  3. A Mindful Wolf

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    If he really is straight, it sounds like he he just led you on. Maybe he didn't realize that, but I think you should tell him that it was cruel of him to do all those things, especially if he knew all along that you were gay.
     
  4. likesboys

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    Hey x thank you so much for your response , I'm definitely past contacting him and pursuing anything with him to be honest. I'm so hurt by him. We've argued numerous time , but this is definitely the straw that broke the camels back..

    1 question I have on your response ... Is regarding the 'friendship' which you feel never really existed . What do you mean by that exactly? Could you clarify :icon_redf

    ---------- Post added 10th Apr 2016 at 07:45 PM ----------

    Thanks for your response , I think if it's comes to a conversation, I will let him know how cruel he was ... As of right now , I definitely can't speak to him .. At all.
    Most certainly led me on. :icon_sad: just gotta move on.