I came out to my parents a couple weeks ago, I sat them down and told them that I'd been questioning my sexuality for a while; and I have finally realized that I am bisexual. I told them I am still the same person I was, I'm still me, all that's changed is that they now know something new about me and... THEY FLIPPED OUT. They really haven't spoken to me (we live in the same house so they can't ignore me completely, but they don't talk to me more than necessary). Today my mom, out of the blue, looked me and said, "I want to get past this, I do but I just can't forgive this." I asked my dad if he felt the same way and he just said, "I wanted you to be better." I'm just so sad, have I made a huge mistake by coming out? Perhaps, I should have just dated/married a guy (since I'm attracted to boys and all) and never made the other part known (me also liking girls).
It pains me to hear this, but I'm honestly not surprised coming from a screwed up place like Texas. In time perhaps they will learn they're wrong, but until then I'd advise you to be careful around them. If they truly love you, they will accept you for who you are. However, not all parents are kind or loving. I feel this is a case which only time can tell. Just marrying a guy to get them off your back could ruin your life, if you aren't truly in love with the guy. You're bisexual, meaning you could fall in love with someone of either gender. Limiting yourself to half of that dating pool could cause you to miss out big time. It's not them who need to forgive you, you haven't done anything wrong. In time, should they chose to be civilized and accept you for who you are, you may forgive them.
You're part your mom and part your dad. If your mom can't forgive this, it somewhat means she can't forgive herself. Maybe try to stress that it's not their fault? Idk. No matter what, you need to be confident in who you are, especially don't apologize because you've done nothing wrong, quite the opposite. If they see you're okay with it, they should come round, sooner or later. (*hug*)
I'm sorry you're having to go through this. It's got to feel pretty crappy to have your parents, the people who should most be caring about your well-being, acting this way. I know it hurts, and I'm also confident that it will get better with time. Consider that you've been thinking about this and working it through for a long time. It probably took you a while to come to acceptance. They, on the other hand, probably had no idea until they heard it from you. So it will likely take them some time as well. When we deal with loss (in this case, losss of perception you're straight), we go through stages... denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance. The stages aren't always sequential (one can go from bargaining back to anger, or skip right past denial into bargaining, for example) but pretty much everyone goes through them. And it can be minutes... or a year or more (but usually in the weeks or months) to go all the way through them. But for many people like yourself, simply knowing and understanding this makes it easier to accept how they are acting right now. I'm near certain they will come around.
You aren't the one that needs to be forgiven. Never forget that. What you did was really brave. (*hug*) And it sucks to hear about what followed... though, sadly, not neccesarily suprising. The world can be fucked up. There's not much I can say that hasn't been said already (like being careful around your parents from now on), but it wouldn't hurt to be prepared for a worst outcome: If your parents kick you out, will you have anywhere to go? If you don't, you really should try to get something sorted, especially now that you know they're against it. And given you're seemingly "not out at all", you probably don't. I know it's a lot easier said than done, especially in a place like Texas, but having something prepared is better than not having something prepared. I wish you luck, though. I hope your parents turn around! Just remember, you aren't alone, no matter what you might think. (*hug*)
Thank you for your response, things are still not better and pretty much the same. My sister now knows and she had the best reaction, she basically just said, "Okay." She's been supportive and loving, I'm thinking she had suspicions, it's nice having her support although I told her that I'll deal with our parents. ---------- Post added 13th Apr 2016 at 09:21 PM ---------- Thank you for your response, I just realized I need to change my status. I am now very hesitant to let anyone know the truth. And to answer your questions, I don't have anywhere else to go... I've gotten a job and am working, but I can't legally move out or get a place, so I'm just saving money for if I need to take care of myself (buy my own food, clothes, etc. I hope it doesn't come to that but I'm prepared) ---------- Post added 13th Apr 2016 at 09:22 PM ---------- Thank you for your wise words, I hope they do come around someday.
For most of us, this is the biggest test to our relationship with our parents. You require no forgiveness as you have done nothing wrong. Your parents just need time and patience. I don't know what the culture is like where you are but I'll assume environment has made this hard for your parents to accept. Just give em time.
I am sorry to hear this and am also happy you didn't get a violent huge reaction like kicking you out of the house and not accepting you at all. what do you mean by dating/marrying a guy just to ignore your true self? you may fall for a woman someday and she could be the person you are meant to be with. I think you did a good thing coming out. I hope they are gonna get used to it. you are the one who lives your life. they are going to learn to be happy with the way makes you happy. you'll get through this I hope!
We are never fully prepared for reactions coming out, the best that you can do now is adjust. And for your parents, you will have to face the view that they have in the end. Even for parents who don't just reject their kids, there is a period when they come to terms with the reality of the situation. That they now know that their child is not straight (etc). That they are the parents with the children who are "not normal." That the child that they probably had big dreams for of just plain heterosexuality wasn't fulfilling their (presumptive) expectations. At some point, you will know that they are either coming to terms with your identity, or that they are rejecting you. There will be nothing wrong with you either way. “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.” I was prepped with an exit strategy and compromised myself by giving the explanation that they would have the least issues with. I admire you for being straightforward in a, presumably, much less accepting environment. You sat your parents down and told them, and that is something to be proud of. I always hear "change starts with you." Even if this ends up not going well, you made a change. It could be in your parents, the people on this site, and in anyone who hears your story. The first time someone told me about being rejected by their family, my world changed. I could see my hopes and fears in his story. I could see myself and I widened my view. It gave me hope when I saw him with people who knew and just didn't care. Like the people on this site who just didn't care. If this doesn't end well, then I hope you end up like him. Because he went on, disappointed, yet still able to smile. A resilient and kind person.
Im super sorry to hear this. atleast they didnt get physical. If I was in that situation, I would try and convince them that it was just a phase and that youre in a relationship with a guy. That way, they'll get over it and maybe start acting normal to you again. maybe it will save you from the option of being kicked out of the house in the future, if your parents are that bad. Its best to have your homophobic parents on "your side" when you still are relying on them. once you are able to take care of youself and move out, then I would tell them what your real sexuality is. If you'll be like IM PROUD AND YOU CANT STOP ME, then that could start a ton of trouble between you and your family just what i think you should do. I hope this may help.
