So I've been living with my boyfriend for nearly 5 months now. It's been really good in a lot of ways, but... We haven't had sex ( or even really done much cuddling for that matter ). He's a virgin so I imagine it's got a lot to do with that, but he keeps insisting that he won't until I quit smoking. I don't know if that's really the reason or not, but he keeps insisting it is. I'd love to quit, but it's not a realistic goal, I have no self-control and I hate myself too much to even care if something is killing me or not anyways so there's not much room for motivation in that department. He spends a lot of time in our room on his laptop just chatting with online friends, and almost never comes out really and it's kinda frustrating. Lately I've gotten a few redbox movies and insisted we watch them together which brings him out for a bit at a time, but he mostly still stays in the room. I dunno... I suck at all this relationship stuff What the heck should I even do?
Well...I don't know why this guy stayed with you for 5 months if smoking is a big deal for him. I get it, I would not date someone who smokes, but I certainly wouldn't string them along for 5 months making demands around the thing I hate. Maybe you should compromise, but then you have to make a real effort, he is giving you something he probably finds special you know. Example: I'll cut down from 20 to 10 a a day and we can try touching each other... I don't really know how long you want to wait though...I put out on my first date practically lol.
I dunno. It's weird, he doesn't even really seem to mind that I smoke. I already told him once we get our finances in order and have rent and everything figured out I'm gonna get health insurance and try to get on Chantix, but I mean that's pretty far down the line at this point. I've tried to quit before, it's just not something I can do.
Quitting smoking, like anything else, is something you have to do for yourself, not because someone else wants you to. My personal view is that the tobacco industry should be shut down but I know that won't happen :dry:. Getting to the point however, I don't see how your smoking can be the reason that he doesn't want to be intimate. I assume you smoked before you moved in together. It is true though that smoking does give a bitter flavour to your... sorry off track again. Why do you live together? were you in a relationship long before you moved in together? I know it's harsh to say without a better insight, if there's no intimacy that's one issue but if you have to put so much effort in just to get some attention or spend an hour or two together after just a few months of being together then the relationship probably isn't worth maintaining.
Well it's not that simple for me. I have a idea of how I'm going to handle quitting, but I just don't have the money to get what I need. I can't deal with the stress adn headaches that come from withdraws. I just can't, I fold almost immediately and it's sad and pathetic. We moved in together to be together. We've known each other online for 2 years and were dating for 1 before we moved in together. I dunno...I mean I can cuddle up on him when we watch movies which is nice, but he spends way too much time in our room. It's frustrating in a way.
Have you actually told him this? It sounds a bit formal but maybe make a joint calendar where you book out time to spend together, like date night, movie night, candle-lit meal night, whatever. Spend your day off together by getting away from the laptop and go walk in the park or beach or whatever nice place is nearby (it's totally free if you bring your own food). If you both really want to work at the relationship then you should but living together isn't all it's about. You wouldn't keep many friends if all you did was share laundry duties and clean each others mess up so don't allow your relationship with your boyfriend to become like that. Hope that makes sense.
Maybe you should stop living together because if he doesn't like you to smoke and you don't care so you won't quit, then that is a big problem in the relationship (because maybe is not the reason or it is a big deal). And if he is not coming out of his bedroom not even to watch a movie then he doesn't care much or you need to talk to him. But real talk.
No...not really. I haven't really brought it up. I dunno I'm not a 'talk about the feels' kind of person, that's a place where I just get awkward and weird and uncomfortable >.> Besides what if I'm just making something out of nothing? No, I get what you're saying. I dunno maybe we can try that. I want to get out and walk more anyways. It's just we live in Wisconsin and so far spring has just been an extension of winter ;_; If it ever warms up I'll see if he wants to go for a walk. Usually when I ask him if he wants to do something he's up for it. Unless he has an art stream that day. ---------- Post added 11th Apr 2016 at 05:48 PM ---------- Nah he comes out for movies, and here and there he comes out and plays games...honestly though I'd really just like something more personal and intimate I guess. I don't really mean sex just like the two of us taking some time out to get cozy and what not. Movies are fine, but usually our roomate watches them with us so it's not exactly intimate >.> Though it was just the two of us when we watched the new star wars movie and I snuggled up in his arms, and it was a really pleasant time ( even if that movie was super predictable and kinda meh ).
