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3 months talking. Still not meeting. What should I do?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by StartANewLifE, Apr 11, 2016.

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  1. StartANewLifE

    StartANewLifE
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    So yeah, I'm just gonna get this out here.

    I've been talking to this guy for about three months now. We met in an app, we would talk there and text each other, almost regularly. I've asked him twice if we could go out on a date. The first one, he rejected because he's busy with his job. The second one was supposed to be during the Feb 14th which he, rejected again, stating that he's also busy.

    Now the thing is. I want to meet him in person. We're friends in social media though. And I am confused on whether he doesn't really wanna go out with me or he wants me to press him more until he could say yes.

    The thing is, we're still good when we're talking. And the thought of "I'll just wait for him to be the one to ask me out" crossed my mind after my second offer was rejected. Now I'm being tempted to ask him out again for the third time.

    Just this week, I deactivate my membership on the app. And he questioned me why I did it, and I told him that "I can only concentrate on one." He agreed with me and respects my decision BUT he said that he won't still leave the app saying : "We're not committed yet."

    I am confused. I can't force him to leave the app he doesn't want to. I won't do that.

    Do you think I should ask him out again? What shall I do if my offer got rejected again? I'd feel absolutely bad, if I'll just throw our three-months of conversations away, like they were nothing?

    3 months talking. Still not meeting. What should I do?
     
    #1 StartANewLifE, Apr 11, 2016
  2. Calf

    Calf
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    It sounds like you're both in different places at the moment. You have decided that you would like to enter an exclusive relationship whereas he hasn't. There could be a lot of different reasons for him not wanting to go exclusive so it doesn't necessarily mean that he's not interested in you. However it's worth remembering that not everybody online is really who they say they are. It's hard to think of but the person that you are attracted to is currently part what he wants to tell you and part what you want him to be. In other words he might not be the right person for you and maybe he knows it.
    Maybe you should let things cool off a bit and give yourself some space to think this over. Let him make the next move. If you can, you could ask him what's holding him back and if he thinks there is a possible of a relationship but again he may just tell you what you want to hear regardless of the truth.
     
    #2 Calf, Apr 12, 2016
  3. robclem21

    robclem21
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    I would ask one more time and then move on. As mentioned above, there are many reasons why he might not be ready to meet, other than not liking you. Either way though, if you two are at different spots in your relationship and life, then it just won't work. Timing is everything as much as compatibility.

    Also, don't think about it as wasting 3 months. You have had a good time talking to him but sometimes things just don't work out. You are better thinking about it as not wasting another 3 months waiting for him while you could be talking to and meeting other people you are interested in.
     
    #3 robclem21, Apr 12, 2016
  4. Aspen

    Aspen
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    If you're really committed to meeting this guy, ask him out one more time. If you haven't already, leave the plans open-ended. Ask him when he's available to meet up for whatever. If he says that he's busy, then you may want to move on. He's either A) Actually busy, in which case it doesn't sound like he's really looking for a relationship, or B) Just not that into you.

    I agree with Calf, you're looking to go exclusive and it doesn't sound like he is. If he does agree to meet you for a date, that's a conversation that you should have. Don't assume that someone is on the same page with you. I don't think there's anything strange in him not wanting to delete the app, unless you truly only want to talk to someone who is exclusive. That's okay too, but it's something that you need to talk about.
     
    #4 Aspen, Apr 12, 2016
  5. Aerin

    Aerin
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    After three months I think it's really time for him to either commit or recognize that you have the right to move on. I would ask him once more, and if he says no again, I would think about ending things. You deserve to be with someone you can actually see and touch and go out and do things with.
     
    #5 Aerin, Apr 12, 2016
  6. StartANewLifE

    StartANewLifE
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    We talked about it yesterday, I asked him if there's a possibility that we could meet.
    He only answered with something like: "depends on my schedule. if there's a will there's a chance." It kinda confuses me, especially that last part.

    I'll try to ask him directly this time.
     
    #6 StartANewLifE, Apr 12, 2016
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