First Date With A Guy [Need Advice] Hey, im 16 years old and have recently found myself talking to a guy i have met online who is 19 years old. We have been speaking a few days and we seem to have a lot in common and find ourselves talking all hours of the day. Today, he asked if i would like to meet up, and even offered to come to me and offered to let one of my mates comes with us so i feel safe. I found myself really wanting to meet him, and accepted his offer, which means he's coming to meet me, but i said i would rather meet him without a mate coming [I'm still in the closet]. We have spoken so much, for so many hours a day and i feel really comfortable talking to him. I'm just worried that he really won't like me, my personality, appearance and stuff. However, we even speak about the future sometimes, like him hoping that we can get into a serious relationship and stuff. Although we have spoken a lot, have lots in common and clearly enjoy eachother's company, i find myself SUPER nervous to meet him [in a few days] as i am a very socially awkward person and it's the first time i have ever even met up with another guy for this type of reason. I am also very scared as i don't exactly have a job as i'm going through college and only have limited money so i would feel awkward meeting him as he would most likely be the one paying for whatever he has planned ;/ Any helpful tips, or advice would be great as i am super scared to meet him.
Well, let's see here... 1) No need to be embarrassed about being nervous. Everyone was new at this once and being nervous is totally normal and totally OK (even for really experienced people). 2) Meet in a public place and don't go to any non-public places until/unless you feel safe and comfortable doing so. Whether that is on this date or some number of dates in the future is your call and your right as the less experienced partner. If this guy won't respect your comfort, he's not worth your time. 3) If, after you meet in person, this guy is not what he has presented himself to be, or you just get a bad vibe off of him or the situation, it is totally OK for you to end things then and there. Listen to your gut, and if it says get out, then do so. 4) Re being socially awkward and nervous. I have always found that being honest about these things is the best policy. If you're shy, say so. If you're feeling nervous (giant mutant nuclear butterflies in the stomach!), its OK to admit to it. Being honest saves time and prevents both of you from wondering what the other is thinking or where they are coming from. 5) Re being a poor college student. First, are there things in your area you can do for free or very low cost? Think walking in the park, visiting a museum or art gallery, watching a sporting event in the park, etc. Second, being honest about being a poor college student can save time. As you're talking, you can work in that money is tight from being in school, but you figure it will pay off in the end or something. You've now delivered the message that money is tight and he will either adapt to the situation, aiming for free or low cost activities or maybe pay. If the latter, the cost should still be low, and someone buying you lunch doesn't obligate you to anything. 6) Finally, you don't mention if you expect things to get physical during this meeting (or ever) but if that is part of the plan, or even just a possibility, always always always practice safe sex (bring your own condoms preferably) and always always always insist that he respect your boundaries and limit anything physical to what you are comfortable doing. Hope this helps, Todd
Ive been there. this is gonna happen alot fi you want to start dating. Its alwats super scary, but you just need to try and not think about it too much. I knows this may sound too hard to do, but just try to enjoy it, even if it doesnt work out. just start talking by maybe mentioning a recent conversation you two had. Don't suspect anything romantic happening. just start by talking and maybe make jokes. its better to first be comfortable talking to him and being around him. after that, you'll be way more comfortable to (if youre really planning on it) get more "romantic" with him if that makes sense. if you maybe want tips or wanna talk about the date or whatever, I'm more than happy to hear it and try to maybe help you feel free to contact me by posting on my wall
Thank you guys so much for the help. But yeah, we have spoken so much, and i feel as if he is already respecting the fact that i have never done this thing with a guy, simply by taking it slow with me. Even though we haven't met in person yet, he treats me as well as he possibly can. Where the date that we have planned is concerned, he's even asked me what it is that I want to do, and where I want to go so i already feel like i can be comfortable seeing him. I'm just really worried because i really like him, from everything we have spoken about, but i just don't want things to go badly because of my own nervousness. But thank you guys, i really appreciate the help you have been able to share with me, anything to help this go as smooth as it can .
I hope you'll meet in a public place. Thats a must for when i meet someone for the first time. If something goes bad, anything, then you could always scream for help lol. I hope you just have fun and that he's not just saying things. that he doesnt immediately want to start kissing or something. If he's like that, I dont think you should hang out with him anymore. Its a sign he just wants sex. Hope you keep us updated. Im glad to help if you want like tips or advice or something good luck and hugs
Haha, yeah. Well, Saturday afternoon i'm going to be getting a train over to him and then he planned to take me out to eat which is probably good for a first meet. And i feel like i know hes not just wanting to meet up for sex and things. The long conversations we have rarely include anything sexual and are mainly us just speaking to each-other. Well, either way guys, thank you for the help, will be back on here on Sunday to let you know how it went Thanks for the help
Hey there! I feel like it's my duty as a staff member to rain on your parade. :icon_wink It's a bit hypocritical, because I met various people from the Internet when I was younger. However, it can be risky, especially when you're young. So it's worth thinking very carefully about. The first thing to bear in mind is that not everyone is who they appear to be- you'll want as much proof as possible that they are who they say they are. Text and a few lone selfies aren't enough! You'll also want to meet in a public place (I've done this every time I've met someone) and always tell someone where you're going. If you have any friends at all that you feel you can speak to- tell them about who you're meeting. Also- at 19 he is at a different time of life to you, even though it doesn't seem like much of an age difference. You are young- the youngest that you can legally have a consenting relationship. This makes you vulnerable (even if you don't feel it!). Keep your wits about you and don't let someone take advantage of you. I'm not saying that he's a bad person, the fact he wanted you to bring a friend was a good suggestion - however, sadly people can be clever and manipulative so please be conscious of your own safety. Don't let yourself get drawn into any uncomfortable situations! Now that I've sufficiently terrified you, you feel much less nervous right? Relax and be yourself - but be sure to go in with your eyes open.
Well guys, i just got home and thought i would let you know how it went. Basically, i got the train down on Saturday night as i slept at his place as it is a long train ride and it meant we could have all of Sunday together. When i got there, he was waiting at the train station for me, even had two bus tickets for the bus ride home. However, it was about 6-7 by the time i got there so we went around the town for a bit and got some lunch, etc. By the time we got to his place, it was about 9-10. He took me in and introduced me to his mum as she was the one that said i could stay if i needed. He knew that i was super scared and stuff too so he even had the spare bedroom sorted out for me [where i slept alone]. Which was great as he appreciated i didn't want to rush things. Then Sunday morning, i woke up to him stood in the kitchen making breakfast for me and then after a while and some talking while eating, we went out into town and went for food and then asked me what i wanted too do But obviously since i had no idea what to do as i hadn't been to that area before, i let him choose and we ended up just wandering around and doing stuff when we saw stuff we wanted too do. Overall, it was a great night and i don't think i could of liked somebody so much. I even ended up coming out to my mum and sister thanks to him supporting me on it I hadn't realized how happy i could be and how wrong i was to be so nervous.# Thanks everyone for the help and advice Really Helped Me
I'm so glad you are safe, and it was a great time! Be aware that will not always be the case. Always be careful and gard your heart. Do not read too much into him before some time passes and you are sure he feels the same. You are inexperienced with relationships and he is. I am saying don't wear your heart on your sleeve or you might set yourself up for a broken heart. Always protect yourself from more than std's! He may just be your perfect man, but experience tells me that he is your first stepping stone. Be blessed! June
