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Personality Crushes - I've finally figured out a name for them

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by RedEyeFlash, Apr 14, 2016.

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  1. RedEyeFlash

    RedEyeFlash
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    I know that most of us are no strangers to having straight crushes. But what are the odds of straight guys turning around and crushing on us? I have had it happen to me 6 times that I know of. It has surprised and confused me every time it has happened because it's always a guy who is straight as a board. Though I am not entirely masculine. I can fit in to a masculine group of straight guys just fine most of the time. But, once in a while, shit gets weird and awkward with one of them where they get all flirty and stuff, then they realize what their doing and back right off. The first time it happened I just assumed the guy was in the closet. The second time it happened, the guy was a straight man-whore so it made no sense to me. And so on and so forth but after talking with the latest one when he put his arm around me at work and I called him on it, he admitted that he is really attracted to my personality and enjoys flirting but anything physical between us beyond a hug would be weird because he's not attracted to me that way. And I realized that this is what was happening before. It was kind of a "HOLY SHIT!!!" moment for me. Does anybody else get this? Cause now that I realize what this is I find it kinda cool. It's kind of a compliment in a way.
     
    #1 RedEyeFlash, Apr 14, 2016
  2. sam the man

    sam the man
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    That's an interesting take on it. I definitely think there's something to that. Speaking from my perspective (since I think I'm pbl more straight than anything, but that's a bit of a "soft" conclusion which might change over the years), I can relate to what you said. I had a crush on a male friend last year. I found myself interested in him to an extent I simply wasn't with other friends. I thought about what it'd be like to hug him, hold hands with him, spend time with just him. I suppose you could say there was an element of physical attraction, but it was always more about his general personality and mannerisms than anything else. In fact, it got to the point we had sex once - but that, again, spelled out that the emotional side was much stronger than the physical side.

    Is it possible for straight men to be attracted to gay guys in the same way that men who aren't straight are? No (otherwise they wouldn't be straight, right? XD). But, I would say it's definitely compatible to say a guy is straight yet has felt attraction on some level to another guy. Just because attraction is a very nuanced thing with many layers and combinations. Straight guys might not be "fully" attracted to other men, but that kind of attraction to personality or that emotional appeal you talk about can definitely be there!
     
    #2 sam the man, Apr 14, 2016
  3. KaySee

    KaySee
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    So, is this romantic attraction? I can't tell if there is a difference here.
     
    #3 KaySee, Apr 14, 2016
  4. RedEyeFlash

    RedEyeFlash
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    It kinda is a romantic attraction. The only thing that stops him from making a move on you is your gender. So flirting is as far as it goes.
     
    #4 RedEyeFlash, Apr 21, 2016
  5. Foxfeather

    Foxfeather
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    Girls. Girls will do this to you all the time if you come out as lesbian or bi to them. They get more touchy if anything.
     
    #5 Foxfeather, Apr 22, 2016
  6. Euler

    Euler
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    Until 150 years ago friendship between men was much more affectionate and physical than it is today. It was not unusual for men to touch each other, to write and tell each other affectionate things or even share a bed or take formal photographs together. Why this is so rare now-a-days? It's because of the concept of homosexuality.

    Don't get me wrong, by homosexuality I mean that about 150 years ago psychologists realized that homosexuality is an sexual orientation rather than a thing to do. Before that same sex sex was seen as an act, not a personality trait or orientation. A person might commit sodomy but that did not mean that is his a sodomite.

    With the concept of homosexuality and the Victorian prudity people started seeing homosexuality in places where it didn't exist and this changed the friendship between men forever.

    So to me what you are describing is affectionate friendship but we just no longer recognize it as such.
     
    #6 Euler, Apr 23, 2016
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