Hi rainbow squad Just wanted to put out a short note on something which might help those of us who are single (including yours truly) to think through something: The past few months for me have been an intense period of longing for a relationship. And that's tough when you're a non-white gay man who's nearing 30 and who doesn't want any part of the one-night-stand culture that works for so many others. In short I'm clear that I'd want at least SOME level of connection (emotionally/mentally) before going the (physical) distance, so to speak. Throw in the fact that my work schedule is busy and my city/town doesn't have a lot of gay forums and you're pretty much looking at spending long stretches of time staring out of the window and sighing deeply (looking at shirtless joggers helps a bit too). Given that I'm not likely to meet the love of my life tomorrow or within the next decade this is obviously not a very happy place to be in on a regular basis. Which is why a recent talk with a few people has sort of helped me think about this in a different way: maybe what I need is human connection with other gay people. When I see other single gay men I do think that they are more "regular" than I am currently - they work, they meet up with friends, they pursue hobbies - in short they're by and large happy. I'm sure the lack of a relationship stings them too now and then but it doesn't appear to be a dominant cause of brooding. So perhaps the one thing we can all do as people is try and consciously make an effort to create, maintain, and cultivate friendships with other people whom we can be ourselves with. I love the time I get to spend with a few of my gay friends and I realize that if I had a little more of that in a more routinized fashion it'd probably (a) take off my mind off "poor me, I'm so lonely!", (b) give me something to look forward to, and (c) provide that degree of social validation which we all need at some level. My call for help is this: How did YOU set out to find and make friends within the LGBT community? Each and every suggestion is welcome!
I joined the lgbt group at work. From there I am being introduced to a guy who dies game nights and I find out about a gay hiking club. Contacted the club. Contacted the local lgbt support/social group on my city (bigger cities may have more) Mostly baby steps
I just thought. How does being "non-white" make it more difficult? I've seen gay guys as mixed race couples. I'm sorry I don't have any experience with race issues. My mom never judged people on color. I learned from her.
I remember this phase of my life. I was so desperately lonely about 8 years ago before I met my wife. All I wanted was a romantic relationship, but I had no idea how to go about doing that because I hadn't come out of the closet yet, and wasn't part of any LGBT groups or activities. My mom actually had great advice! She told me to simply go out and do things I enjoyed with other people and make an effort to try things I hadn't before. With me, being the big geek I am, I started going to card game tournaments, board game nights, and anime conventions. Lo and behold, the second anime convention I ever went to is where I met the girl of my dreams! Which is kind of a hilarious story, because we're both girls who were dressed as boys at the time, and neither of us really knew for sure the gender of the other person. Hahaha! Anyway, it's pretty much the same advice as the person above, go try out a few things and focus on making connections with other people. If you happen to find a romance along the way, then great.
I haven't made many new gay friends, but I manage to find some in the group meetings for hobbies I am already interested, like art or archery.
