I live with my boyfriend and have been with him about and year and a half. In the beginning everything was great including sex. Although we have had a few good fights abut his actions. He has always been very secretive and has a "friend" who was once his lover. This friend visits town every few months and he leaves me to go stay there. We quit having real sex months ago. His idea, he says he isn't interested in it and wants to do it for his spirituality, although I've caught him watching porn and know he masterbates. He's also on pick up sites but blocked his profile so I cant see it. So much for celibacy. He told me to hook up with others,(he claims he doesn't see others) which I did but I always feel guilty and these guys always seem to want relationships with me. I told him I can't do it anymore as its too tough on me mentally and he needs to decide if he wants a roommate or partner. He always finds a way to turn it around and make it my problem. I want my sexual relationship back. Any ideas. I love this guy but can't live with the no sex part. By the way, he's 30 and I'm 56 so if anything I'm the one who should be less interested in sex if we follow the stereotype. I'm lonely and in a relationship, the opposite of what I expected...Anyone else have this happening to them? Any idea on how to get back on track? I've tried romantic dinners, special nites and pretty much everything else to get him to have sex with me.
If it's gotten to the point where he doesn't want to be intimate anymore it might be best to consider moving on. Although you could try to see a marriage/couples therapist to try and work things out if this is someone that you really do like.
I think lack of sex really isn't the crux of the issue, and I think you know this as well. It seems like he's losing interest and not being upfront about it. You could try to have a proper conversation about the relationship and where it's headed to, but if he refuses, then maybe it's best that you find someone else that can make you happy.
I agree with AlmostBlue. He's done, but doesn't want to tell you that. And, sadly, that's pretty common with these large-age-gap relationships. As painful as it is, there is really only one solution here, and that's to cut it loose. I don't think any amount of dinners, romantic outings, or anything else is going to get things back to where they were... again, largely and most likely a byproduct of the large age gap. I know that this isn't what you want to hear. What's important here is... you deserve someone who will love you for who you are, and appreciate you fully. Someone who won't keep secrets, won't lie, won't be on hookup apps, won't have secret weekends with other people. You don't deserve any of that. I think if you let this relationship go and start to focus on you, and on finding someone healthy (which also pretty much means finding someone closer in age), you'll be a lot happier in the long run.
I think he's not into you anymore. I should not be bothered with him and just move on to find others. if he;s being like this and doesnt even want sex, hes not worth it
Well folks. We're still together so I think your advice is wrong. We each have our own way of dealing with things.
