Y'know, everyone talks about maintaining a secret relationship in the closet and how hard it is, but I feel like hardly anyone talks about how hard breakups can be when you were in the closet about your entire relationship in the first place so nobody knows you were ever dating anyone to begin with, let alone broke up. Like, my family doesn't know that I broke up with my girlfriend--who I'd been dating for a year-- two weeks ago. They and my friends have no clue. I'm so sad all the time and I can't tell anyone I know about it. The only other people who knew about me were my girlfriend's friends, and while I had come to consider them as my friends as well, they all ditched me after the breakup because, at the end of the day, they were friends with her first. I don't know how to cope like this. Y'know, being in the closet hadn't been as lonely when I'd had someone with me, but now it's like I'm really, truly all on my own. I don't know how I used to manage before I had my girlfriend at all. It's crippling.
How did you even meet and have a relationship in the closet.. Are you like out at school cause I'm sure there are people you can talk to about it without your family knowing until you are out
I am sorry you can't feel like your grief is visible. You might try writing or doing some other creative thing to express your emotions. Also, you might work on trying to find other LGBT friends (of course this means partially coming out) so that they can act as a support network.
Me and her used to work at the same place when we met, she was out and I wasn't--at least not to my social circle-- and she understood that, at first. Her friends knew all about it because she tells them absolutely everything, and my family just thought me 'n her were close friends doing stereotypical girl things together. I don't work there anymore, though, I now work from home managing the family business, so until the breakup happened she and her friends were pretty much the only people outside my family I'd see on a regular basis. I'm actually an artist, and I've been doing a lot of drawing to try and vent, but honestly it feels really empty now. Everyone keeps asking me why I'm sighing or look tired and I have to come up with excuses like "Mosquito kept me up" or "Just have a lotta work to do". I'm honestly a little scared to partially come out, though. My area isn't exactly gay-friendly. My family alone is extreme enough that me and my girlfriend broke up because we got into a fight over me not wanting to elope with her and whether or not I needed to be "saved".
@SillyGoose It's actually easier than you'd imagine...some parents really aren't involved so much in their kids personal lives, even more so when you're not in school anymore and in the working environment, anything can happen.
With art, you could try doing some daily challenge, like a sketch a day in a sketchbook, something that you will feel compelled to do no matter what your mood. Make the task manageable but also something you can give your full attention. I know some people do 100-day challenges or other things with a set goal. It may seem like a chore, but after awhile, such challenges can become opportunities that you look forward to. Coming out is a process, and you should take as much time as you want. You might also consider talking to a professional counselor (make sure they understand LGBT issues) who can give some much needed outside advice on your situation and more tools on how to reduce stress.
