My family is against my basic freedoms Hi, I'm from Iran. It has been about 1 year that i've finished my military mandatory service and i'm still unemployed. It's just about 1-2 years that i started to know that i'm gay. It started during the service. I'm in depression most of times and even don't have money to visit psychologist or psychiatrist to get some medicine. I live in a small city. My family always tried to control me. I just found a job in another city, a few days ago. I went to see the employer and talk about the job. But after a while, i realized that actually he wants me too become his partner. It was unbelievable for me. He is about 50, twice as my age, i don't know if its fine to other people. But i think i'll enjoy this relationship. He's not my ideal choice, I prefer a partner with same age but i think its 10 times better than being alone like now. At least i can try it. In addition living in a big city and specially in its uptown is very good for me. Ok, I can have a job(money), partner and living in a better city. That's very helpful and will solve many of my problems. But my family don't allow me to accept the job. They say: "You have to live alone with an stranger man and its dangerous." I can't do much things and i think i lost this job now. Specially because if i keep insisting, they'll think there is something unusual. I think my sister already became doubtful about me, she asked me indirectly: "if you like to accept the job for a strange reason that we don't know, tell us about that reason and we'll stop to disapprove this job." Also, i can don't accept the job but meet him sometimes as a partner. He wants me to do it. But i'm sure still that's very difficult for me. That's very possible that my family found out about this relationship and It can make serious problems for me. I don't know what is the right decision. i must continue this relationship? How can i do to keep it more safe and prevent it from family? I'm very tired of seeing my family control me like a child. For the first time in my life i think my family is my biggest enemy. :icon_sad:
You need to get away from your family as soon as possible but you sound very vunerable right now and I think that going with an older man who will have all the power over you is not a good idea. It could end very badly.
This job, this kind of change in your life may lead to good or bad. Either way is possible. But you gotta live the life you are supposed to live. I know it is hard to be "different" in a place where you may not be accepted as who you are. And for me, freedom is the worthiest thing in life. I cannot give you any advice because I don't want to lead you to the wrong way. But trust me I can understand how hard it is. I am from a neighbourhood which is full of narrow minded people.
It sounds like your family already have suspicions and that accepting this job might confirm them. Will you be safe if people find out you're gay? I can't say for sure how risky this guy is, but it doesn't sound that good. There's a phrase that goes "jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire" - sometimes when you're in a bad situation, it's tempting to deal with it by jumping into another situation, even though that situation is no better than the one you're currently in. So you really need to be careful about not jumping from one bad situation to another because you feel desperate. It starts a cycle that can be very hard to get out of. Then again, it could be a leap that could help you moving in a better direction. You're better able to judge than we are. I think you need to step back and take a look at what will help you in the long term. Is there any way for you to move to country that's better for gay people? What are the steps you need to take to get to where you want to be in life?
I know that this brief information i gave in the first post is too low and its hard to know enough about me from that. I mean its quite understandable if you can't give an absolute solution. I understand. َBut at least talking about my problems can make me feel better. ---------- Post added 18th Apr 2016 at 05:38 PM ---------- No, If you're talking about ordinary people or my family. Yes, I think i have to leave this country for turkey and apply for refugee for a third country. I have to save some money for doing this. I have to make sure about it before leave. It probably is my best choice, But i'm not sure still. It means i have to leave my family possibly for all my life without their consent. It makes this decision very hard. Many of Iranian gays have done the same thing. Apparently, The process probably takes 2 years and i must live in Turkey before they accept my application. Then i can live in that country, for example Canada.
What is the difference between him and a partner with my age? ٍExplain why it isn't a good idea. I almost don't have any experience in a long-term romantic or sexual relationship.
Maybe I misunderstood you but it sounds like your job and your home would depend on him if you decided to go with him?
Yes, I think he wants me to work for him and become his partner both. He didn't say it, even he said that this two things are quite irrelevant and you don't have to be in this relationship. But i think he just tried to be polite and such things. I think i would lost the job if i didn't want to be in the relationship. I don't blame him for this. You have to consider the situation of such society before judging. I mean in such societies sometimes we can't be honest or very moral just like in a free society.
