Moving, don't want to leave her

So, a little background. I've been trying to get into the field of paleontology my whole life, and after an internship in Canada ended eight months ago without me getting a permanent position, I refused to give up. I found a museum in Arizona with a good volunteer program near where I had relatives I could stay with, drove there from Alberta by myself, and have been here ever since. I had been applying for other positions in the field since the move, with every intention of moving as soon as I found something permanent.

That all changed a little over two months in. I met the most amazing, honest, compassionate, fun-loving woman I'd ever known, and we've been together ever since. I've had a few relationships before, but this one is something else. We get along really well without any real problems, we share a lot of the same interests, and we're completely open and honest with each other to the point where we've never had any real arguments. We could both see this lasting a very long time.

She's also transgender and pre-everything, which has put her in kind of a bad position. She doesn't really have any friends aside from me and the people I've introduced her to, her family is very distant, she lives with a roommate who won't allow her to live and dress as herself, and she is forced to pretend to be a guy at work. Regarding work, she works difficult hours that are constantly changing, and isn't paid very much for it.

I wasn't sure about continuing to apply for paleontology jobs out of state then, as I really wanted to be with her. That started to change after she told me something important in January. She asked me how long I was going to stay in Arizona, as she had wanted to leave for somewhere more accepting and needed a way to do so. I immediately began looking for paleontology jobs outside Arizona again, and discussed my progress with her throughout the next few months. She told me at one point that she didn't really see our relationship ending unless family obligations were to hold her back from moving to be with me, a prospect she found very unlikely. Eventually I managed to find a position in Los Angeles last week where I would be working on fossils recovered from construction projects. They had me come out for an interview and told me I was hired, but that they weren't sure about when they wanted me to start and would get back to me later this week with the official offer and the time they wanted me there.

So I told my girlfriend about the offer, and she said that she would have to think about it. It was a difficult decision to make, and she wanted to wait until I had the official offer and starting date before making the decision. She also had managed to get some vacation time which she is now using to visit some friends out of state and will be able to take a step back and think more on it then.

I'm now concerned that she will decide to stay here and that I will have to leave her to take this position. I can't think of anything that's seriously worth keeping here: her living situation is less than ideal, her family doesn't care about her, and her job is unfair to her and pays very little. Yet she is reluctant to leave for reasons I can't fathom. Perhaps she has managed some level of stability here that she is afraid of leaving even if the end result would be better. Which it would be; California is definitely more trans-friendly than Arizona and she could live as herself with me rather than having to pretend to be male with her current roommate. And I would be making enough money that I could support her until she found a new job as well.

At this point, I'm conflicted. I do plan on taking the job as I've wanted this since early childhood and she has always encouraged me to take the opportunity. However, if she decides to stay we have both agreed that trying to maintain a long-distance relationship would be tough and it would probably not last. Also, I'd feel guilty about leaving her in a bad situation. I can't just turn down the position; paleontology is a difficult field to get into and I may not have another offer for a very long time. However, I don't want to leave her since we've grown so close, and I love her and care about her too much to just leave her where she is. I'm not sure what to do at this point. Why would she want to stay in the bad situation she is in now, and what should I do if she does?

PS: I'm also 28 and already getting to the point where it is getting harder and harder to find someone who isn't taken already, so if we break up I'm not sure I'd be able to find someone else in the future.

 

I've recently learned that I have to be there by May 17th, which doesn't allow a whole lot of time. She still hasn't decided even after I've told her that.

I'm still worried about what will happen if she says no. I don't want to live with the uncertainty of maintaining a long-term relationship with a "maybe she'll move eventually," nor do I want to break up with her, and I feel like regardless of how well the job goes I'll never be happy if she isn't with me. I also can't just abandon her to the situation she's in now, even though she's told me to take the job and not worry about her. Any ideas on what to do?