The essence of being a woman? Existentialism

So, scince I started questioning my sexuality, there was this thing I noticed.

Basically, where I live is a religious area. Many people are christians. Our family however, is not religious. My mom has a religious background but we never attend church.

When I talk with people about the essence of being human, they always stress the gender roles: ''We are humans and we are build to survive and the human race has to live on and on etc.''

They put our essence in our genitalia and reproduction. Now I am not saying all religious people do this and I have no hate towards any religion at all. A lot of people in my area however, think this way.

It is logical if you put it this way, that a lot of people have a certain hate against homosexuals. They do not fulfill their view on the ''essence'' of being a human. It is not fair for sure, but logical. I think this is why so many people have a hard time understanding and they've probably been raised very strictly (internalized homophobia).

Why did I write this?

Because I wanted to pinpoint the reason why exactly 'Homosexuality' is regarded as a sin.

Also because a lot of people feel like less of a man, or less of a woman, when they are homosexual, bisexual, or have any kind of feelings towards the same sex.

I felt like less of a woman when I discovered I could have feelings for a woman. But why? Because my surroundings want me to have kids, to fulfill my role as a woman. A woman can have kids, so she should do so.

I felt miserable because of this thought: I am indeed a woman and I should bear children because I can right? I feel so woman, I don't want to lose that. I need a man for children, but I have no feelings towards men. What should I do?

I also thought that my essence of being lay in my gender. After that I got very angry, I don't want to feel this way, how do I change this thought? How do I still feel woman AND be okay with feeling for the same gender.

In the following months I observed a certain thing:

When people describe other people to each other, the most dominating feature will be metnioned first. In many cases: The gender.

After this other features will be mentioned, for example: ''Her name is Lisa.''

Note the following difference:

1. She is a woman. Her name is Lisa.

2. Their name is Lisa. She is a woman.

The second describing of a person, as we can see, mentions their name first and so, unconsciously, puts her name in the dominant position. The name is the dominant feature, whereas in sentence one the gender is the dominant feature.

Dominant Feature

As far as I have seen, or observed: Many people mention what they find the most dominant feature first. What do they do with this?

They, be it naturally or nurtured (I think is most cases nurtured nowadays), put the essence of being in that feature:

1. essence of being a woman: the dominant feature of a woman, for example: she can bear children.

2. essence of the name: the dominant feature of a name, for example: Being. And by being we automatically go to: Identity.

See how option two puts us in this much bigger area of possibilities?

What I am trying to say is, that this shift of thinking, putting my essence in my being rather then my womanhood, can help when struggling with gender identity and/or sexuality.

After having chosen option 2, you can put yourself in the position in what you want to stress the most in your life: Be it the colour you like, the sexuality you have or the gender you identify as, etc.

I think it is a very freeing way to think of life this way and can help us with accepting who we are. This is a sort of existentialistic view on life. Sartre would be proud, jk :')

Ok this was basically a huge ramble, sorry I guess this whole piece was messy but it just needed to get out.

Have a great day tho!

(If you have any critical advise, please give it to me, I did not want to offend anyone with this piece)

 

Yes, that is also an observation I made which I forgot to conclude. You, however, pointed that flaw in my writing out. Thank you.

It's exactly like you said, Eveline.

People want stability. Every singel one of us. Why do people flee to religion or certain forms of government then?

I think it's because it gives people purpose, for example reproduction. That purpose however, is totally made up by ourselves and only ourselves. And when someone higher gives us purpose, or just any more dominant external factor, we don't question it: Parents and/or culture.

That's why so many people with religious struggle with internalized homophobia. They also begin to question their essence as a person (at least some people I know do), because 'Logical' use of the genitalia (male and female) is not the way they are gonna use it. Sexual repulsed people also feel very depressed because of that fact.

When we change our opinion on the essence of being (human), our happiness can blossom. If we have an existentialistic way of looking at life, we can become so free with our thinking and put our essence of being just in our being.

But sometimes freedom doesn't give us the happiness we want. Because sometimes we don't know what we want. We are too free.

Sometimes we flee towards stability and predictability again: religion/culture/etc.

And sometimes we keep that freedom.

But we want limits, and that's why everyone is struggling to label themselves nowadays. It puts you in a box, which can make you feel trapped, but also stable at the same time.

But that's another topic for another time

thanks for reading this, have a great day.

 

I have to agree with Eveline on this one.

Where the opinion ''I wish there were no labels'' stems from is not from the words itself. Like Eveline said, deviding things is nessecary to understand and control our world.

The problem lies in the meaning that comes with the word. And most of the time, the meaning our surroundings give to a certain word, you will copy it, or at least find it very difficult to change a meaning to a certain word.

For instance:

Homosexuality in my surroundings is linked with: A sin, bad habits and unnessecary business.

Homosexuality is not directly linked with those words. Objectively, the word has nothing to do with those words, but again it is linked, aka it has a certain meaning.

What this world needs is a change of that meaning that, unconsciously, comes with homosexuality. Basically a shift of culture.

However it is very difficult to achieve this, but labels in this case can help us out. They can teach our surroundings what it's like to feel a certain feeling and try to make them comprehend.

You don't have to label yourself, you seriously don't.

People in conservative surroundings however, have a strong feeling of doing so. why? Because they need to find a community, a sense of belonging. A sense of belonging means the understanding of a certain feeling and there you have it: label.

We people are social animals and therefore automatically form groups.

What we want are groups in which everyone can feel like they belong somewhere AND at the same time they will be treated equally.

Unfortunately this will never happen, it can never happen. It is too idealistic to want that from the world right now. We try, and come further than our ancestors, but still there is inequality. I am certainly not saying we should not fight for equal rights, but simply a reminder of reality.

And you also have uncousciously meaning linked with a certain word. Even as simple as a colour.

I, for example, link the word red with passion and fierceness. While other people link it with blood and death.

Everybody does it and it's not wrong by any means. It's wrong when people get excluded and belittled because of some opinions the other persons have.

---------- Post added 25th Apr 2016 at 09:59 AM ----------

Exactly

I think it's not nessecarily instincts that guide them, more of an integrated aspect. A nurtured one. As babies we have no meaning and no certain opinion towards homosexuality. Otherwhise we could not have different opinions towards homosexuality.

Culture and family are such determining factors when it comes to opinions.
If it's so integrated, or nurtured it will feel like the following

1+1=2

Logical, right? We've all learned this from school/parents and we never question it. But then the following happens:

1+1=3

We do not agree with this right? Even I don't, because it is learned to me that it is wrong. When I meet people who WILL say 1+1=3, I would say they are stupid.

This is how it works with meaning towards words.

It's why many people struggle with internalized homophobia.