Okay, I'm feeling like I'm starting off from scratch in making friendships. It's near the end of the semester and I know I won't be the social butterfly that fast but I would like some quick fixes in some regards for my whole situation I'm currently dealing with. Like I've touched on here about some stuff that's been bothering me recently: trying to get sober(alcohol and 11 days sober at the moment), losing my "close" friend Edmond and dealing with the depression and fallout of losing him and the feelings I had for him, trying to get back into some sobreity and "working a program". I've been in/out of "the program" at my college for about a year and a half. I mean I'm back in the program and at the recovery center for that fellowship. I mean, people welcome me back there with open arms no matter, how fucked up I am or how many times I relapsed. So I do have that "bubble" I can cling to for social supper which I do need. In terms of other outlets for socializing/social bubbles I lean towards for support/friendships: I mean class I've always felt estranged from my academic colleagues (aka my "class mates") because they have their own jobs;I've embarrassed myself a one time in front of a few people I know in my class; I've seen some people that are too snotty and shit that I haven't found as friends. I do talk at least to a few people and appear friendly to people in class but I don't feel like that anyone in my classes are "friends" and I'm being perfectly honest. In terms of people I know where I live at on campus, I do know people that I talk briefly to but I haven't really formed friendships with. Yeah a while back, yeah I had my close friends that I partied with and stuff but they left my life(if you read my past posts you know why). And I knew other people besides them that I partied with, but I haven't talked to them in a while for a variety of reasons.They are busy or have other things in their lives, or we just don't talk at all. So I feel somewhat as an in-between figure looking on the outside looking in towards people. I feel depressed on a lot of things particularly losing close friendships I've had/held the past year and a half in grad school and associated with substances, trying to find who I am and I guess the sexuality has been something I'm still trying to piece/explore more. And I somewhat see myself as a failure in regards of happiness, lack of friendships, not enough money, don't have a "partner"(girl or female).
If you feel lonely, you can write me a message and I'll do my best to cheer you up. About your situation.. Well, beeing lonely is not always that bad. While beeing alone, you can give more time for yourself rather than others. Must admit that I'm experiencing a little piece of your situation, not because people don't want to be friends with me, but because I choosed that kind of destiny. You may ask why I did so.. Well, there's a simple answer- ''Better have one real friend, rather not million others, who don't respect and don't give a s*** about you''. I had the same depression once like you just described. How did I escape? I was trying to find positive in everything. That's because you start to feel distant to your friends, doesn't say that you're no longer their friend. I always try to remember good times and never try to remember bad ones, and must admit- it helps a lot. Be who you are and when the right time will come- you'll find, what you seek.
I'm just reconstructing my own social life. I'm just going "back to my roots" in terms of getting sober. I have been in/out of "the program" for a while and had connected with this college recovery program here at my college. It's not AA/NA per se but it does incorporate the 12 steps in its program structure. We do hold Friday night AA meetings at the college and I'm putting myself as a presence. I have been in/out of the program both in AA and the college recovery center I was with for a while. The program director(he's a license alcohol/drug counselor and a guy in recovery himself) has been aware of my own issues that I've dealt with that I've talked about here on EC: my conflict over my sexuality, coming out to him that I was bi sexual in January, I felt some relief. I talked to him that I had "some feelings" over his sponsee whom I had befriended...I may have talked about that. I was referring to Travis a bit on EC quite a bit. How Travis and I met in "the program" that's a story I'll explain for another thread and another time. Anyway, the director has been aware of my ups/downs the past year and a half. I have that outlet for a social life. I know I've cut ties to a degree of people I had associated with in the past with alcohol and drugs, but I feel like I can always just jump back into that shit in the right settings but I don't want--not for the time being that is.
In terms of meeting people and making friends, what do you like to do for fun (that doesn't involve alcohol or drugs)? Are any of those things activities that you could do with a group? Are there any groups in your area that do these activities? If so, then look into joining and participating. You could also look into groups that work for causes you support and see about volunteering with some of them. You might check out Meetup.com, your local community center (LGBT or run of the mill), activity or club boards on campus, etc. Hope this helps and congratulations on being sober Todd
I have been "in the fellowship"(AA) for a while but I've been in/out of that. I got this collegiate recovery program that I was apart at the start at my college since Fall 2014. That's how I met Travis(if you read my previous posts) and to a lesser degree Edmond. But I can always lean towards that community, they always welcome me back. There is an LGBT community on campus but I don't know if I have to "be out" to be a presense there. And there are other clubs I haven't checked out like this radio org that I want to check out next year though. And other things I haven't done yet.
Sounds like you have plenty to keep you occupied for a while then One of my friends is an alcoholic - he's a really great guy, but he has this condition. It took him some years of struggling with it before he finally got on track to sobriety and he's now been sober for many many years. I doubt the LGBT group on campus 'requires' you to be out, although a fair number of people in it probably will be. Check em out, see if you like em, and go forward from there one way or another. Same for all the others. Best of luck and take care, Todd:smilewave
@AkTodd I have heard from some people about the LGBT club at my school. It's called Spectrum. It's a mixture of people who are gay, bi, lesbian, transgendered, questioning, and curious. So it's pretty inclusive. I asked from some people I've hooked up with briefly about Spectrum, I've been told that there isn't no formality of being "out." Next fall, I would like to give it a try at least and check it out. In terms of other (sober) social outlets, I do have the "fellowship" with my recovery community. I mean, they've been through shit more or less as me or worse, they can understand me. I haven't "officially" came out to everyone in my community though I've came out as bi to the program director(he's in recovery himself and a alcohol/drug counselor), a few close friends I've known in the program. So they know I'm bi and the other issues I've dealt with. I mean the program director wasn't judgmental about me being bi. I just told him how "close" Travis and I were the year prior and he suspected that Travis and I were a "little close." I told him that Travis and I had a friendship that was borderline bi sexual. So he's been aware of that plus other things.
