Family Pressure?

First things first. Here's a fatherly hug from me to you(*hug*). Now I can't disagree with you about your opportunities, but not about speaking the truth, you've already done that and the out part is behind you. You are just now dealing with the after shock and it's your mom and cousins who aren't handling it well. It doesn't matter who we out to if they don't process it and accept it. It would seem apparent to me that they have done neither. You have a lot of posts on EC and by reading some of your posts, it is evident you're a very well spoken bright young guy - so use what your Creator has given you. Sit your mom down when you are both alone together. Tell her how much you love her and appreciate her in your life and very gently and lovingly tell here how important it is to you for her to accept your being gay and to support you. Tell her how she is hurting you. Keep calm and loving.

Do the same with your cousins. Just be kind and loving. A little emotion doesn't hurt either. If your cousin wants to go to a strip club, ask him how he would feel about a gay one. He'll let you know quick and you can very gently respond 'that's how I feel when you asked me to one'

OK? One more(*hug*) You'll do fine. Walk Proud

 

Stay strong! I'd hug you if I could, but I'm literally all the way across the states =P Let your mom say what she needs to say - just do your best to stay centered on what you think you are and don't let anyone try and define you.

Have confidence in yourself and do your best to stay positive!

Easier said than done, I know :icon_wink

(*hug*)

 

Hey RaRa, From a fellow person that keeps everything to myself to you:

I'm not out to my folks, so your situation is more unique than mine. Your mom forcing these issues on you may just be her way of trying to deal. I've heard from many people on here that, we have had a long time to think things over, but they only have however long we tell them to see it in light. Don't get discouraged. It sounds like things might come to her with some time. She is obviously interested if she keeps bringing it up. She can completely ignore you and the whole situation. But she's not. Maybe she just needs some time to come to terms with it. Just don't let it get you down. Keep trying, stay strong and you will prevail.

(*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*)

 

what my buddy ^ said. It will work out..Patience and love guy...

 

Hello, i wonder if why your mom is acting this way is because she is afraid for you? She is probably online researching every bad thing that could happen. maybe try going to her and asking her if that is part of the problem. Tell her you appreciate it, but that you will be safe and smart. And you are almost an adult and if she is afraid to just tell you but that she cannot worry for you. Ask her WHY she is stressed? Also make sure she knows you and only you have known you were gay that no one outside is pressuring you. Maybe talk to her about the things you want in life ...so she can see that has not changed.You said it was hard to talk to your parents but to become an adult you must face them as one! The Family is the hardest ..but it does get easier...in many ways you are lucky if you read posts about how others parents reacted you would see it could be much worse. Good luck and please find someone who is unconditionally supportive such as your local equality or glaad chapter.

 

Hey RaRa I am sorry you are going through this tough time.(*hug*)(*hug*)

Your mom is going through an adjustment period. It probably took a while for you to come out to yourself. It is going to take some time for her to 'come out' for you. You may want to give her some PFLAG material. I gave my parents 'Our Daughters, Our Sons' when I came out to them on Sunday. I hope it helps and I am glad the hear that you know its not you and you don't hate you.

 

Jesus, I know how ya feel, I'm going through stress at school and problems with my sexuality, as some will know, I hope this is comforting in some respect, Tell your mum/mom how you feel about the stress and prom and how she is making you feel with bringing your sexuality every time your alone together, Just sit down and have a BIG talk with her.
Hope this helps.
James

 

Sorry if this sounds terrible but call your mom on her BS. Seriously. Tell her she is making your life unnessisarily stressful and she should find sometihng productive to do with her time rather than ruining yours. There's no reason for her to act like that. Remind her, she IS your mother.

"Hey [her name], you do remember that you ARE my mother right? You're supposed to support me and love me unconditionally because you gave BIRTH to me--right? I'd like you to remember that fact before you go off spouting stereotypes and trying to reconform me to your silly ideological son. I am my OWN person and I'd appreciate it if you remembered that, thanks. I AM gay, and you'll need to learn to accept that. Nothing, NOTHING is going to change this and there is nothing wrong with me."

That's all you gotta say and she should get the point. If not, then you need to put her in her place. She's your mother, not Hitler.

 

Or.........you could do it Enigma's way. But somehow, Enigma, (and you KNOW I love ya, man) you sound like my 26 year old son and he tends to push my nuclear launch button. I've tried the louisville slugger approach, don't seem to work on kids or parents (but I still love ya, Enigma)....

 

Lol I talk to my mom like that. But its not on homosexuality. XD It always works if you word it accordingly. I tend to go for the very direct approach. So there is no bush beating, and your business it taken care of in an efficient and timely manner.

 

I'm soo tempted to put this in my sig right now :lol: But maybe I just have a strange sense of humour...

I'm not sure if I agree with blowing up in her face, though. If she's already defensive about being stressed out, flat-out demanding her unconditional love and support might not do you any good.

As hard as it is, this kind of issues is not best solved by making tempers rise to the point of anger. And coming out never seems to be solved by "FYI I'm gay". You can't just expect them to process this new fact perfectly and without distortion. So the best option would be to talk about this in a quiet moment. At least that way the discomfort is concentrated in one moment instead of throughout every conversation you have...
You can do it! (*hug*)

 

You don't have to blow up in her face. I do it nonchalantly, albeit condiscendingly, but it gets the job done. You can do this in a nice calm setting...but eventually, her temper will rise as will Rara's. It's sometihng 'unnatural' being gay. And a lot of people just can't accept it. But, she shouldn't shun you for being who you are. That's wrong on many levels, especially so as a parent.

Lol I never let mine get that way just because I am so direct. I don't give them a chance to act like that.

 

im so sorry! that really sucks. just stay strong, and be yourself. dont let other people influence you to be who they want you to be. *hugs*

 

Raffi, first off I love you! (*hug*)

Secondly, Im sorry that you feel this way. I know it seems like a really low point in your life right now, but I know that you will come out on top (and not in a dirty way). I do know what you mean though, you want your family to know about this part of your life, but you want them to still treat you the same as they treated before you came out to them. Which is perfectly understandable, however it seems like it is going to take your mom and cousin some time to get used to it. Like the others have said, just try talking to her about it, without it blowing up into a huge arguement. Let her say what she feels the need to say, then you say what you need to say. As for your older cousin, just tell him the only strip club you'll go to is a gay one, lol. Jk. Its great that he is trying to spend time with you, just for the wrong reasons.

Just know that I care about you, and I hope that things start to get better for you.
You sexy thing!! :icon_wink

-Bryan

 

I meant bi lol

 

awww RaRa,,, i was really moved with what you said in your post ... i just feel the same as you..i do get it that every knows about you but they have all changed and treating you differently..i know that if i tell my mom (i'm still closet) the thing that happened with you will sure happen to me... try to be strong from the inside and try enduring it for a bit ,, you will become better (as stronger from inside) wish to give you a friendly hug m8 , sorry for not being much of a help here