Hello, everyone. I'm new to Empty Closets, so I apologize in advance if my post is not up to par. I currently find myself in a difficult situation. I'm 19 and a college freshman. Long story short, there's this guy who I somewhat knew and high school and have become good friends throughout fall and spring semester. Lately, I've noticed there have been a handful of instances where he may or may not be physically flirting with me, like footsies or putting his head on my shoulder, but the thing is that he isn't really gay. He's only ever dated girls and had sex with girls. Others that know him think he isn't all that straight, even though he does comment on a lot of girls, but he's also thrown the term "hetero-flexible" out there before. I'm not really sure what kind of advice I'm looking for, but anything would help. Thank you.
Honesty is often the best policy. No need to keep trying to guess his intentions when you can just have a nice talk and ask him. He might just enjoy flirting. He might feel experimental. He might be in the closet and interested in you (are you openly gay? Or at least, does he know you're gay?) His history with women doesn't mean anything per se. Many of us here have a long history with women sexually and romantically. The only way to really know is to ask.
I agree with COS, his advice is spot on. You could test the waters a bit by flirting with him and then I say go for it, just be honest and direct. It sounds like there is s chance he does like you, but you never know until you ask.
Re: Is he gay or what? Sounds like he's still figuring himself out. Does he know you're gay? Those physical advances could mean a few things. Most likely, he finds you attractive and is flirting. He could also just like the attention, and since you're gay he might want to know if you think he's attractive. Or it could mean nothing. Do you see him doing that kind of stuff with other guys? Have you tried returning physical signs of affection? If he's thrown out the term hetero-flexible then he is probably open to the idea of being with a guy. He'll figure it out. Not much you can do. I'm in a similar situation with one of my best friends/roommates. He still dates girls and claims to be straight, but his words and actions make it clear that he is not. People are so confusing. But I get it. It took me a really long time to come out myself. Good luck with your friend. Just curious, do you have feelings for him?
Re: Is he gay or what? If he's said he's heteroflexible, then he has at least some interest in guys. Sounds like he's still figuring himself out. Maybe he's bi, maybe he's gay, or maybe he's mostly into women but is open to experimenting. Can you maybe just ask him? Like if you're already on the topic of relationships or something like that, just say casually "Could you ever picture yourself with a guy? Or are you totally straight?"
