I've been in a relationship with this person for a little over 7 months. We've been having issues on an off for a few months. But recently it has escalated and we are on our second "break". The first break only lasted a day before I felt guilty and came back. But this one has been going on for about a week. It has been emotionally draining. When we first started arguing (maybe a month or two ago), she was angry because she didn't understand why I want to be a drag queen if I am a transgender man (AFAB). I tried explaining it to her, but the more I tried the angrier she got. I didn't understand why she couldn't have just asked me about it without making it an argument. The next day she apologized and said she felt bad and she was wrong and she understood. Then a couple weeks later we fought about something else, I can't remember but it went very much the same way as the last argument, with her angrily texting me about something that wasn't my fault and made me feel guilty. Since then, I have been walking on eggshells around her. If I don't text back within 2 to 3 minutes, she gets upset and makes me feel bad. She is extremely jealous of my friend and texts me nonstop when I'm with other people. I'm constantly afraid of making her mad or upset, I feel that everything is my fault and nothing I ever do is good enough for her. I told her that I need some space and she has found ways to turn it around like asking to hold hands when I specifically asked for us to take a break because I'm confused about my feelings for her. She was asking me what I'm comfortable with doing to fix our relationship, like if I want to hug, kiss, hold hands, etc. This was immediately after I said I wanted space. I felt afraid that if I said I didn't want to be affectionate she would be hurt or angry at me. I felt guilty, so I said holding hands was fine but kissing might confuse me. The next day we held hands and she was being distant so I asked what was wrong, and she said, "so are you just never gonna kiss me again?". I then explained to her that she asked what I was comfortable with, and I said only holding hands, not kissing. That made her annoyed with me and she left. She texted me a little later saying that if I want to fix our relationship I'll have to make an effort to be affectionate again. That isn't what I want, but I said okay anyway because she'd get upset if I said I didn't want affection. It's frustrating that she thinks that affection will "fix" our relationship when that isn't even the problem. I'm not sure if this is emotionally abusive yet or just the beginning. I am trying to leave this relationship because last night it all dawned upon me that this is very similar to how I felt in a past relationship. I was 13, and dating a person who controlled everything I did and texted me whenever I wasn't with them. They sometimes called me crying saying that if I left they would commit suicide. They also went as far as making a fake Facebook account and harassing me on there, making me believe that it was someone else. It went so far that I almost attempted suicide before I realized what was happening. An incredible amount of drama happened over the course of 2-3 months during that relationship, but there is too much so I won't talk about it. Anyway, my point is that I don't know if this is me being emotionally abused again or if I'm just overreacting. PLEASE someone tell me what's going on and what I need to do to get out of this relationship. Other things my current partner does that may indicate emotional abuse: -points out my mistakes constantly -always making excuses, blaming me for our problems -pouts, tries to make me feel bad and apologize for something I didn't do -doesn't acknowledge my feelings or needs, turns it around to get what she wants -I confronted her about reminding me of my past abusive relationship, she denied everything I'm sorry this is so long but I just need help. I feel like I can't trust anybody anymore, I'm so paranoid and upset and guilty.
I feel like you need to leave her. A partnership should be founded upon love, not fustration and anger. It would be kinder for the both of you to call it off. Good luck.
It seems you two have some communication problems. She is either willfully ignoring your wants, or you are not being clear enough about them. And she is expecting you to make efforts to "fix" the relationship, which means she doesn't know what's wrong with it. If you wanted to salvage the remains of the relationship, you two would have to talk, clearly, about what you need and want from it. However, this: sounds very unhealthy. Is she bringing any positivity to your life at all? It sounds like she is stressing you out. I don't know if the relationship is abusive or not, but consider if it's good for you or not. The relationship isn't making you happy anymore, and you say you've been wanting to end things anyway. She doesn't see it, so you are going to have to be firm. Don't talk about "breaks" and "space," use the words "over" and "break-up." And stick to what you say -- when you say no kissing, there is no kissing. When you say it's over, it's over. There's no point in dragging things out -- it will make it more confusing and more painful for everyone involved.
